Alhamdulillah, despite reemergence of new Covid19 cases, by Allah's will, I was able to spend this year's Eidul Adha with my family in Labuan, However, my time there was short because initially my friends and I planned for a short getaway but we decided to cancel it instead due to the increasing number of new cases.
As I was saying in my previous post, I 'slipped'. A minor test got me questioning Allah harshly. I still feel guilty for the words that I uttered and has since become all sensitive. I'm not that sad anymore about the thing that burdened me at that time. But my eyes are so easily filled with tears these days whenever I recognized the blessings that I've been given and my answered prayers. I was fighting back tears when my uncle was reciting du'a for our family before dinner and I start to shed tears inside my room when I heard my brother's voice leading the congregational prayer.
I recall, it was just a normal school day when I was in form 3 and we were, as usual, chatting endlessly during prep. Then somebody brought up the topic about learning how to recite the Al-Quran and most of my friends there were actually taught by their own parents. "I was sent to attend classes since I was in kindergarten", I told them. But what I didn't reveal that afternoon was, I was the only one who can recite the Al-Quran in my family. I was very very envious. You know, at that age we are so conscious about not having what other kids have. I was also slightly enraged and remember thinking, why do they send me but didn't learn it themselves? I remember staying back at the musolla after Isya' prayer that night. The musolla was unusually empty and I was alone. That was the night when I started asking Allah to open our hearts and ease our journey in seeking the knowledge of Islam, to always guide us in the straight path and I asked for us to remain steadfast.....
I waited so many years for the answer to my prayers. When I was in UIA the jealousy was still there because most of my friends were from (I don't know how to precisely say this) religious background. And then suddenly somewhere after I graduated, my uncle initiated the idea to call for an ustaz to teach Islam and the Al-Quran for the whole family and from then on things started to fall into places. And when we we were tested with Nurul's passing, we already could recite the Al-Quran as a family and all of us understood that all the pain and sabr will in return be a reward for us in the Hereafter, inshaAllah.... That was why I got so emotional when my uncle recite the du'a and my brother being an Imam. That was something I prayed hard for. May all of us always be His grateful servants....
I briefly allowed myself to grief for the thing that has burdened me; although it was minor, I don't want to deny it, cloak it and let it swell inside. I told myself, "Haziah, tomorrow you're going to wake up as usual. Do the things that you do best. And do good~"
One of the thing that I'm grateful of amidst this pandemic is that the MCO has allowed me to sort of 'reset' spiritually. I was looking at my posts back in UIA and a few years after I graduated before I started writing this one, how my writing was actually full of reflections during those days. I think it was around 2014 that I started to write lesser, most posts were about my travels and some were random short ones just so this blog don't stay dormant for too long. I decided to start actively writing again last year for the love of writing itself and I noticed that there are still loyal visitors so I wanted to share things that are beneficial instead of rambling too much about my worldly affairs and frustrations lol
I've mentioned so many times how in my 30's I've learned to prioritize, manage to be more productive and already able to find balance. But truthfully, when it comes to practicing religion, there were lax here and there. Like performing solah in lightspeed, uttering du'a out of habit rather than uttering it by heart.. Things like that~ But, Alhamdulillah, Covid19 and MCO has allowed me to reconnect with Allah.
So I'm still exploring the videos in the Yaqeen institute website and for the one I shared above, my favourite part would be the ending where he said about if you have money and position, be like Abu Bakr r.a, And if all you have is time, be like Abu Hurairah r.a. Abu Bakr r.a as we know was from a noble family, the closest and most loyal companion of the Prophet pbuh and was later the successor of the Prophet pbuh as the first khalifah ar-rasyidun. And Abu Hurairah r.a as we know was poor and utilized his strong memory for the service of Islam. This brother's last remarks made me want to know more about Abu Bakr r.a. There are 3 videos where Sh. Omar Suleiman talked about the life of Abu Bakr r.a and I manage to finish listening to them on my way from Menumbok to KK today.
I'm not going to retell what the 3 hours lectures was all about, of course. I like everything about the lectures; from how he gained the title as-Siddiq which is the same title given to Prophet Ibrahim a.s. to his roles at the beginning of Islam and as the Khalifah. But what I want to share are the things that wowed me the most of all the wows hehehe
The extensions of Abu Bakr r.a good deeds...
Abu Bakr r.a was the first man to embrace Islam and right after he embraced Islam he went to invite others to embrace Islam such as Uthman r.a, Abdul Rahman Ibn Awf r.a and Saad ibn Abi Waqqas r.a. These are among the sahabah with immense contributions in Islam. Uthman r.a and Abdul Rahman Ibn Awf r.a are known for their generosity while Saad ibn Abi Waqqas r.a was the one who went to China. It was Abu Bakr r.a who have led them to become among the first to accept Islam. And for every good deed that they performed, Abu Bakr r.a has a 'share' in it.
His love for charity and his humility...
Before he was a khalifah, he used to help milk the goats belonging to widows and orphans. And when he was appointed a khalifah, his officials advised him to stop doing it so he can focus on more important matters. He refused and said he doesn't want his position as a khalifah stopping him from doing the small deeds that are dear in the eyes of Allah.
Doing good deeds in secrecy...
Umar al-khattab r.a always aspire to emulate Abu Bakr r.a so he was always curious to what else Abu Bakr r.a is doing to attain jannah. He noticed that Abu Bakr r.a would walk to the outskirt of Madinah everyday after the fajr prayer and one day he decided to follow Abu Bakr r.a. And then he saw Abu Bakr r.a entered a small house and only left the house before noon. After Abu Bakr r.a left, Umar al-khattab r.a went to the house and found a blind elderly lady with kids staying there. He asked the lady who was the man who came to her house and what was he doing there. The lady said she didn't know the man because the man never bother to tell her his name. The man came everyday to help her clean the house, do chores and cook for her and her orphaned grandchildren and will only leave when everything is done. Nobody would've known this if Umar al-khattab r.a didn't follow Abu Bakr r.a that morning. I believe there must be so many other good deeds of Abu Bakr r.a that is unknown to anyone except Allah.
Abu Bakr r.a was promised jannah by the Prophet pbuh but knowing that fact didn't make Abu Bakr r.a complacent. He kept doing the things that pleases Allah regardless of how his social status was raised to become a leader in Islam.
To think of it, we actually can become like Abu Bakr r.a. If you're in healthcare like me, maybe our effort to keep our patient healthy can grant us the 'extension'. Perhaps we could get some 'share' of their good deeds when they are in good health. Abu Bakr r.a also taught us that we shouldn't stop doing the small things that of benefit just because we have bigger things to attend to. And some good actions should only be known to us and Allah. The last point is actually a very good reminder in this era of excessive sharing...
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