I initially intended to continue with my I am a Muslim first 'series' but tonight I'm too mentally exhausted that I don't think I can resume with that. It's been 3 weeks since I'm back to my own station and life is back at full throttle by now. Although the number of beds in my ward has reduced, but the cases that came in are mostly complicated ones and I've been actively seeing patients for counselling everywhere in the hospital as well. I'm still trying my best to keep life in order. Alhamdulillah, as of today my room is still neat and tidy lol that's a benchmark.
Well, as what I've written in many of my recent posts, I've been battling with self-doubt since the early of the year although I'm highly motivated to achieve something more in my career. And finally, I found the courage to just go for it, take the risk, put in the effort and then leave the rest to Allah. Lo and behold, I've purchased the academic module of the professional exam that I wanted to sit and I'm going to tell you how much it cost me... I can buy a return ticket to Europe with that amount of money! Not a promo ticket ya~ Hahaha And that doesn't include the exam fee and there's actually a second supplementary module that I feel is also important. But I'll have to save some money again before purchasing that one. And MR actually shared with us such a timely quote for me,
This part is written 2 weeks after the above...
I'm still trying my best to continue with the tadabbur every week but there were weeks when I didn't get to watch the videos too since I get too mentally exhausted after work to fully concentrate. I was surprised that the tabs were arranged differently one day and realized there were new tabs added. That's when I found this very inspiring video by Mohammad Ouyon, the founder of Roll with me, an app that helps people with wheelchair get around.
I always have this soft spot for people with special needs especially after I get to be involved in an International Paralympic event during one of my semester break during university. The athletes were either born with congenital disorders or for some, the disability were acquired. In our naked eyes, they are people who will need a lot of assistance to make do with life however during that event I discovered how Allah actually blessed them with greater gifts that are not found in normal people. I was constantly amazed and inspired and I don't know, perhaps I repeated 'Subhanallah' zillion times that whole week every time I witnessed their extraordinary capabilities. So, when I watched this video, the same feeling came rushing in again. MashaAllah... If we really really ponder, the creation of Al-Khaliq (The Creator) is never deficient. Brother Mohammad Ouyon, for instance, not only he is given the intelligence to design an app that will benefit many, he was even given the chance to inspire a random stranger by doing what's normal for him..... If this guy sitting on a wheel chair can do so much for our ummah, why can't we do the same?
And then we were shocked by the death of Haruma Miura. A very talented actor who seem to have it all. I remember in that same week, I was listening to an interview by Aida Azlin with Daud Kim and the part that drew my attention was when they touched on the purpose of life. Being born Muslim, we are all ingrained with the concept that if we don't get what we want in this life, we will reap the fruit of our efforts in the Hereafter, that some gratifications we sought in this life is delayed but promised. So, honestly, I don't understand why people are so easy to give up on life until after I listened to the interview. Daud Kim mentioned about how in his culture, life is like a race and the aim is to be number one. Thus when this is not achieved, it's easy to believe there's no meaning in staying alive after that. So Daud Kim found one of the beauty of Islam is it gives you meaning to strive for the better and if you don't get the result here in this world, inshaAllah, the rewards await in the Hereafter...
I believe this is everybody's favourite verses at the times of trials and tribulations. Very concise but the meaning is very deep and the message is immediately reiterated.
Something is burdening my chest, I talked to my cousin about it a few days ago and she attentively listened to me and supported me. Little did I know that she is also facing a slander which is an even bigger test as compared to mine. I actually felt ashamed after that. And then we went on to remind each other that this sadness is how Allah wants to reward us through Sabr. This is another process of being stronger, an opportunity to learn and also to make us closer to Allah through our sincere prayers. Don't you think during the time of sadness, we really really communicate with Allah? Hehehe
I felt guilty that for a short while, I actually 'slipped'. I subconsciously questioned Allah "Why do You always do this to me? bla bla bla..." it was quite peevish, to be honest. But Alhamdulillah, I snapped out of it shortly after that. "Astaghfirullah.. Haziah, this is not you, this is not how you talk to Allah. Allah owe you nothing..." Indeed Allah owe me nothing....
I might not be born with a silver spoon in my mouth and my family tree can be a bit confusing hahaha but Allah blessed me with a family that is just perfect for me. We are not rich, but our rizq is never inadequate. We might not have millions, but inshaAllah, the rizq that Allah bestowed upon us is protected from syubhah. I'm luckiest to be blessed with a very supportive family; we were brought up to believe in hard work, to love attaining excellence, to be accountable and responsible to our own mistakes, to live within our means and to be useful and of service for the betterment of the ummah. My cousin and I had the opportunity to participate in a lot of community service programs since childhood because mommy was working at JBS and those days Rakan Muda was still very active. I guess that's why both of us land in jobs that are second nature to us; me in healthcare and my cousin in education. My best friend said to me that night during my breakdown, "Wealth and status is fleeting. Allah can take that away from us in one night if He wills..."
InshaAllah this grief shall pass.... We shall all continue to walk in our paths.
عَنْ ابْنِ عُمَرْ رضي الله عَنْهُمَا قَالَ : أَخَذَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِمَنْكِبَيَّ فَقَالَ : كُنْ فِي الدُّنْيَا كَأَنَّكَ غَرِيْبٌ أَوْ عَابِرُ سَبِيْلٍ. وَكاَنَ ابْنُ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُمَا يَقُوْلُ : إِذَا أَمْسَيْتَ فَلاَ تَنْتَظِرِ الصَّبَاحَ، وَإِذَا أَصْبَحْتَ فَلاَ تَنْتَظِرِ الْمَسَاءَ، وَخُذْ مِنْ صِحَّتِكَ لِمَرَضِكَ، وَمِنْ حَيَاتِكَ لِمَوْتِكَ
[رواه البخاري]
On the authority of Ibn Umar (R.A.), who said: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) took me by the shoulder and said:
"Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveler/wayfarer." Ibn Umar added: "When evening comes, do not expect (to live till) morning, and when morning comes, do not expect (to live till) evening. Take from your health (a preparation) for your illness, and from your life for your death." (Bukhari: 6416)
I'll end this post with this hadith...
A powerful message that reminds us that the dunya is only a temporary abode and we should spend our time here to prepare ourselves to return to our 'permanent home'. While we are in good health and still able, we shall focus in performing our duties as Allah's vicegerent on earth as best as we can.. InshaAllah...
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