COVID19 Diary #7

 Bismillah...

It's raining cats and dogs outside and I'm currently down with a low grade fever. I kind of miss living life at slow tempo. Now that everything is back to normal, I haven't been able to find time to sit and write. I just realized it's been more than a month since my last post! And I'm currently having difficulty getting around my own blog because everything in this window look so different!

This is a very famous excerpt from surah Al-Baqarah, verse 216. But I'm going to share with you the beautiful translation of surah Al Baqarah from verse 214 to 216....

Do you [believers] suppose that you will enter the Garden without first having suffered like those who passed away before you? They were afflicted by misfortune and hardship, and they were so shaken that even [their] messenger and the believers with him cried, "When will God's help arrive?" Truly God's help is near (2:214)

They ask you [Prophet] what they should give. Say, "Whatever good things you give should be for parents close relatives, orphans and the needy and travelers. God is well aware of whatever good you do (2:215)

Fighting has been ordained for you, though it is hard for you. You may dislike something although it is good for you,or like something although it is bad for you: God knows and you do not.(2:216)

Before I go on to share how these verses resonate with my latest resolve, I just want to make clear that verse 216 is actually about encouraging jihad against the transgressors. Where Allah acknowledges the difficulty; that it could be a burden in one's heart to leave their family and endure the hardships of jihad. And then Allah reassures that  He has better knowledge on how things will turn out in the end....

Life.....

My friend and I was having a small talk inside my car while waiting for the rest of our friends to arrive for dinner. And he went on rambling in disbelief why I was so easy to let it pass and quickly move on. "I have a life to live, you know..." I simply replied.

If I were to name the events that changed me forever, I wouldn't hesitate even a second to give my answer. The first would be when I can't walk for 4 months because of a fractured femur and the second would be when I lost Nurul. I still remember how I used to bury my face on a pillow in the evening and started to cry my heart out after a tiring day walking around to attend classes, or do lab works or even go for hospital attachments. "Ya Allah, grant me strength.. Grant me patience.. Please help me to go through this.." was my daily plea. 

During my disability and in my state of hopelessness, I was just like the believers mentioned in verse 214. When I finally triumphantly pull through, I had two things in mind. One was I should not waste my time because I will never know when I'll be in such state again; immobilized and extremely dependent. Secondly, I aspire to be someone who is part of an answered prayer, part of this 'help' that comes from Allah to those who are being tested. And Nurul's passing sort of refined and affirmed the whole intention; that when it's time to return to the Almighty, I hope I leave this world in the state of husnul khatimah, a beautiful closure...

I did allow myself to grief. I didn't go through that one particular thing that upsets me recently without shedding tears. I confided to my closest friends that I was to an extent perplexed, hurt but at the same time I know it's not yet the end of the world for me. I prayed my istikharah, I prayed as much as I can for guidance and for what's best for many months. Then why would I be in (prolonged) despair when the answer to my prayer initially hurt me. "...God knows and you do not".. And guess what, it didn't take long for things to unravel and I started to see Allah's protection in what He'd planned for me. Alhamdulillah....

Focus...

Again, what's meant to be will find its way to you... Meanwhile, I need to focus on my current goals that need a lot of things done. I'm glad that I managed to summon the courage to call someone I highly look up to. I was actually calling to ask for a big favour but then it turned into a lengthy conversation. He was not only happy to help me out, but he was also giving away tips and offered to connect me with some people who he thought could be of assistance to ease the journey. 

I guess that popular quote that says we shouldn't reveal our next move is not always applicable. In this thing that I'm about to set on, actually by letting (select) people know of this plan of mine have helped me a lot in getting the necessary information and resources. Alhamdulillah....

Set the intention... Do the work... And leave the rest to Allah~