Why I Decided To Quit Facebook~

Bismillah...

Life has been really really hectic for the past few weeks that I finally decided to quit Facebook after 9 years! Hahaha I was having a not so amazing day and that evening when I finally got the time to lie down, have my own time to unwind, I decided to see what was up on Facebook.


Honestly, despite having frequent posts on Facebook, I was not an active 'newsfeed stroller' for the past 3 years. My posts were mostly directly shared from IG. I only open my FB page through my phone browser once or twice a day to see if there was anything that I should reply to. Visit some of the comedian or inspirational pages if I feel like I need some dose of humour or motivation. And occasionally 'stalk' random people that crossed my mind just to see how they are doing in life these days.

So that evening, when I was scrolling my newsfeed there were...

Resentful remarks on the current political situation and I was like, "Oh c'mon! Why can't these people just move on!"

And then there were some invitations to sign petitions. I end up looking up on the issues that I later found was emotionally disturbing

And some disturbing news on child abuse and marriage problems

And then there were the regular showoffs

And then I went,
"Ok Haziah.. I think we just made our not so amazing day from bad to worse... We don't need this now and ever..."

Took me some time to find the deactivation button since the browser version is not as user friendly. But I finally did it! I ticked the 'I don't find FB useful' at the reason for the deactivation and then there was this pop up that suggested how to make FB useful and I was like, "I've made up my mind.. Zuckerberg will still be a wealthy chap if I leave~ Lalalala"


FB used to be fun; it did connect me with some long lost friends and with those I met during my travels. When my friends list were just those people who knew me in real life, I used to posts a lot of crap because these people knew it was just that;  'CRAP!'. I used to love posting the quotes that I agreed to, deep thoughts that crossed my mind through my observations, phrases from books etc. I stopped because acquaintances were like, "Why are you so emo on FB?"

I was not emo. It was just quotes that I found wise. And I just don't get it, why contemplating my surrounding and writing them into words is emo? Fine! Maybe because I'm not Yasmin Mogahed or Lang Leav or Najwa Zebian etc.


So far, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. None of the viral stuffs really matter anyway other than causing annoyance. And I really don't like it when the excessive sharing on negative stuffs gives you the idea that this world is a bad place to live in. There are still so many beauty, hopes and kindness in this world; why are they not being highlighted as much as the negative stuffs.


Well, life is not always rainbow for me too, but I have countless other blessings that can make me curve a smile at the end of each day.

Do I feel like I'm disconnected from my close friends that live far from me?

To think of it, I have their phone numbers anyway. I realized that browsing through their page, looking at their current pictures are not 'real connection'. 'Real connection'  is when we really contact them, interact with them and ask how's life. Looking at their pictures will make us assume a lot of things that might not be true. Well, some posts might trigger contact but... yeah it's okay. I know I can maintain my connection with people who really matter.

And there's a particular person that feel more and more like a stranger whenever I see his posts and I don't like that feeling.

To sum it all, I guess FB is another thing that I 'decluttered' from my life for a peace of mind.
The world is still a beautiful place, and I'm not going to let people shroud me from that fact.
I'm not totally disconnected from the people that matter to me, because in reality I can always reach them even without FB and I know they can reach out to me too.
And a person who really wants you will pursue you, will make it clear, won't make you second guess and not having FB will not stop what's already written from happening. Have faith in Allah for He knows what's best :)

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A Quote To Live By..

Bismillah,

Mine is the 4 simple words...

"ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST"

Whether it's a hard task or an easy one, whether I like or not, I will always try to put my best foot forward because to me it is still something where I invest my time and energy in, so why not just give my best anyway.

Like in sports, for instance, losing after you've tried your best to me is less frustrating than when you know you could've done better. (^^)

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That few small things...

Bismillah...

So the 2nd question is

A few small things that make you happy... Let me list out 10 then...

1. When I come early to work and manage to get a decent parking spot.. I think that's like a sign whether it's going to be a good day or a busy one....

2. When I manage to finish a good book.. That's like a big achievement nowadays because I hardly have time to read. I try to read before going to bed or while waiting for a friend at a restaurant or inside my car. But usually it'll take me weeks before I can finish one...

3. When I receive my Althea parcel. Hahaha I rarely shop online since I vowed to reduce possession to simplify my life but buying skincare is unavoidable. But really, I only shop when something on my shelf finished. I'm not the type who buy many many things and try them all at once.

4. Hurm.. Watch Mr Smart Flat Ass' smile.. Not going to elaborate further...

5. When my mom calls.. Ok this is not in the order of importance ok hahaha just randomly sorted...

6. When I have extra money when it was time for the next paycheck!!!! Hahaha I usually spend what I have left after I paid bills, saved and spent for my travel. So what's left is just enough for the basics to survive a whole month. So having extra essentially means I've been extremely frugal hahaha

7. When I find my coin box is full to the brim and it's time to bank in. Yassssss, I love this feeling because I already knew once it's full that's around RM 400 😏

8. When I successfully connect the route of a very difficult trip; especially those with lots of border crossings or the transportation is not something that you can confirm online. This is like a big success because  I don't usually copy another traveler's itinerary. The itinerary are almost always exclusively custom made for us.

9. When I manage to identify a very complicated Kanji charater correctly. Oh my, I think even if all my Pharmacy subjects of 4 years are cramped into one subject, that'll be a lot easier than trying to differentiate an almost similar character that might differ by one dot or one thin line 😭

10. Lastly, that feeling on working days that it's finally 5 pm... 😌

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Thankful....

Bismillah..

I haven't got much time to write this year. Partly busy, partly due to my inability to 'summon' my 'creative side'. Writing was natural back when I was studying. All I had to do was wake up very early in the morning, opened my window, inhaled some very deep breaths and then start writing. Sometimes I wonder whether adulthood consumed that side of me... Or am I, again, worried I'll be judged wrongly by those who read my writing with a different 'voice' than what I intend to... But then, who cares.. Thanks to Facebook, I think it's relatively safe to write in this  blog with lesser audience and I think I've disabled the share key.. Let me check that setting after I'm done with this one..

Still a Pinterest addict, I found this one last night. I wanted to write about my travels very very much, but I found that if I was not in the right mood, the posts that I made weren't very satisfying and I end up erasing what I've written for hours and left it in drafts for Allah knows how long... So this one is a looooong list of positive things to write in a journal. I think just to keep this blog alive, I'll write one by one from this list. I found one of my journal yesterday in which I actually wrote some  long term goals and one of them says, "I'll start writing a book at 27". Of course, I haven't even started hahaha maybe with writing often will get me started 😜 So here goes the first one...

What am I thankful for....

1. Deen...

Really, I am very thankful that I'm born a Muslim and from a family that practices Islam. We were not always observant before but we tried to improve together. After all, being a good Muslim to me is a continuous process of becoming. It's a challenging world for Islam nowadays. The liberals are trying to preach that Islam is no longer relevant, giving their own misleading interpretations of the Al-Quran and Hadiths to suit the lifestyle they want. But really, in my position, I don't think I am less happy abiding to the decree and conduct of Islam. 

2. Family...

I usually take some time to make people understand how my family tree is like. It may not be typical, but I won't ask for anything else than what I already have. We can never avoid from being tested, can we? My childhood was somewhat different from my friends back then. While I had everything that my friends had like Barbie dolls, Polly Pockets, up-to-date bags and stationery sets, at home I was a more mature version of me. My mom was sick and so was my Nenek who was bedridden. I never tell my friends that I was actually absent because I had to take care of Nenek at the hospital. During school holidays, I would take care of Nuyui and do all the chores at home because I was the only healthy one. The only time for me to become a child was when it was time to spend the holiday at Babah's.

I never regret those days when we were tested. I think it was necessary. We are not rich, but never had I once felt that I'm deprived from anything in this world. My necessities has always been enough and also love has always been abundant. I'm very thankful that I'm born in my family,

3. Mind...

I am no genius, I think. But Allah bestowed me with a good grasp and retention of knowledge. I don't have to study hard to excel since school until university. I never stay up to cramp what had been taught. Sometimes I was even surprised by my good results. I didn't usually top the class, but I was there at maybe 4th or 5th place in the ranking. And my academic performance was never affected by emotions; like I still score when I broke up during my final exam in uni. But I know, a good mind comes with great responsibilities. It is not given to be something to boast about but something to be benefited from. And the benefit is not individual but collective. Yes, I'm very thankful to have a good mind. And because of my mind, I become a Pharmacist, the job that pays for my travels hahaha

4. Health...

Health has become one of my major concern nowadays since there are quite a number of people of my age that I know who have had serious health problems like stroke, DM, gout etc. I have a sweet tooth, and it's a struggle to reduce sugary drinks especially oh my beloved Coca Cola 😘 Still trying to not skip regular exercise too. Yes, I'm very thankful to have a healthy body that still enables me to function normally (and travel too hahaha)

5. Rizq...

While some might like to compare themselves with those who has more, I have the tendency to compare myself with those who has less. There's one daily sight after work that reminds me of how comfortable life is for me. I'm not sure at which unit he is stationed in our hospital, but he wears the cleaning service uniform. The thing about him that caught my eyes is his limp gait; can't tell whether that's congenital or acquired. He would cross the road in front of my car almost every evening. And while I was stuck in jam inside my air conditioned car with my Korean OST music playing at full blast there he was, walking home at the side of the road. 

It got me thinking that I'm at no position to complain about life at all compare to this guy. My job is obviously not as physically demanding as his, I'm paid maybe 7 to 8 times more than him, I don't have to break a sweat going to and back from work... I'm very thankful of the rizq that's been given to me. My work can be mentally exhausting at times, but I'm paid well. Well enough to make myself live comfortably (and travel like mad~) . Well enough to help my parents to ease their burden. Well enough to save for the future. And well enough to have the opportunity for some charity too. 

6. For still being single...

Hahahaha! Yes I do! 

It was easy to be shrouded from the reality of marriage in our 20s when all we see were colourful weddings, all smiles, kisses, hugs and flowers... But 30s is when REALITY comes into picture. You started hearing cheating spouses, unexpected divorces, psycho and abusive husbands etc. Even in a stable marriage, some are tested with their kids having health problems or learning disability.

I have nothing against marriage that have kept me single. Having a husband and a family of my own in fact has always been in my wish list. Like that long term goals that I wrote in the past, I actually wrote there I want a kind loving husband by 2012 (Literally laughed out loud at that yesterday, like "What was I thinking when I wrote this!?")

I've decided somewhere in 2014, marriage is something that I will let time decide. It's not a race nor a measure of success in this world. Marriage in my point of view is not just about someone being by your side. It's more of an 'Amanah'; equally treating the husband and his family with kindness, raising children that will be someone of value to this world, working together for betterment, achieving dreams and attaining success in this world and the Hereafter. I'm admittedly quite conservative in this matter hahaha and I actually never wish for extravagant surprises like what people usually share in social media. All I want is just the same like what my family already have, simple yet full of love.

Yes I'm thankful for still being single because I still have the chance to allow a great guy of my dream to share my life with. I'm thankful because it has given me ample time to shape myself and build my career. It also has given me enough time to contribute to my family before I'm busied with my own. And best of all, the opportunity to fulfill my dream to explore the world. Hahaha maybe when the time finally comes, I'll add a no 7 to this list, entitled 'YOU...'

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Rasa...

Bismilah....

Kubur....

I don't know if I can ever get use to reading Nuyui's name on the tombstone... Ever...
As we walk down the hill towards my car Mommy said,

"It still feel strange not to have Nuyui around..."
"It's going to be 5 years tomorrow, Meh... 16 June..."
"Is it..? When I think about her.. I'll start thinking of Nenek.. And then your Grandfather... How much I actually miss them..."
Noticing the crack in her voice, I cut in...

"We are here to remind ourselves that it will be our turn one day..."

Truth is, I don't know if my words were actually meant to comfort her or myself...
While everybody was busy in the kitchen, I went to the glass display case where all Nuyui's trophies, student cards and even notes were placed. Reminiscing what a wonderful and special girl she was during her lifetime, it made sense that she had returned earlier to the Creator~

Doa

The sound of rain drops tapping against the window became louder and louder as I was done with my Maghrib prayer that evening. There were three of us in the Musolla but it felt like I was alone because the two were silently praying behind of me.

I don't know if everybody say the same set of prayers every time they pray, but I do... For many years, most of the words never change, just some addition whenever I have something that I particularly wished for.

It was just another one of the five times daily routine of the day.. The fourth time I said the same set of prayers, to be exact, on that day. But perhaps the chill and the tranquility of the moment made me hear my own prayers clearer that evening. I started to realize that what is currently revolving within my life is actually the result of answered prayers... My years and years of asking~

What's really hard to recognize? Is the answer for things that you ask Allah to protect you from~

Keperluan

Allah will always give you what you need at the right time, I believe...

It was one of the odd days where I was holding back remorse and trying to tell myself I was just being too overly emotional over things that I can't control. When I was alone during the rest of that day, I was constantly telling myself "Things will be just okay and I was just imagining the worse". Literally chanting in my head.

And when the day was about to end, Allah sent me something that never fail to put a smile on my face. Even if it was just in a split second, that was what I need~

Hati

A smile that gives calmness to your heart don't come every day, do they?
Maybe that was why Allah gave me years to finally see that first one.
After that, I went back frightened of that once familiar feeling seeping back into me without warning and it was from someone I never expect.
For months I tried to 'logicize' my feelings to this complete stranger but to no avail..
Has Allah drew him closer to me...???
Close enough for me to know that he is a different breed of smart... Hahaha

Naturally, being someone who have learnt so much about 'What's meant to be will be', I'm keeping my distance. I just can't help asking "Are you just another lesson or is it really 'you'?"

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Recipe Hari Raya 2018 (^^)

Bismillah...

Since I felt guilty because I rejected my big bro's idea to go for vacation this Raya, I actually splurged on food this time. I mindlessly ordered quite a number of Raya biscuits thinking that I could use my 'Bonus Raya' to cover the cost which in the end happened to be hurm... non existent.. hahaha

One of the reason why I suddenly feel like cooking these days is because I'm sort of inspired by this woman who is the same age as me who seem to be very good at it. I think I better start cooking again before I totally lose my touch like how writing lesser and lesser made me lose my voice.

So... I made some sushi for the first time the night before Raya. Usually I'll be busy with baking cakes, but this year I gave it a pass since baking cakes are such a cliche hahaha

I've been looking for Sumo rice for a few times but I just can't find it whenever I go looking for it. The one I used was Hikari brand that I got from Everise. I don't know how Sumo rice is cooked, but I strictly adhered to the instruction at the back of the packing for this one. That is...

• Wash the rice 3 times until the water become clear
• Soak in water for 30 minutes to 1 hour before cooking

I went out with my niece to do some last minute shopping while soaking the rice and was still not home by the time it reached 1 hour. I was anxiously looking at my watch every now and then to make sure my rice is cooked on time hahaha so Cece called Kimi, "Ti.. Tekan nasi aunty gg..." Because it was all ready inside the cooker waiting to be cooked hahaha

I got the rice vinegar ready, just a random brand I picked up in Survay. Diluted some sugar and salt inside the vinegar and later mixed it with the rice. Placed the nori on top of the sushi mat and spread the rice on top. Put the cucumber and filling in the middle and ROLL! Dan ijyodesu!

The next one I cooked the next morning was Kuah Kacang Dengan Ayam Istimewa that I got from this → blog. I actually tried a lot of her recipes and so far the results are satisfying hehe I wasn't in the mood at first because I was a bit tired from driving the day before raya, and then was cooking for the break fast and later made sushi but since my family kept asking me, "Masak apa u esok??" so I was like ok I'll just cook Mihun Goreng, Nasi Impit and Kuah Kacang~

I had failed attempts with Kuah Kacang before but this one SADAP! hahaha padulila puji masakan sendiri 😝 who reads this blog anyway~

I was confident that I could finish before the others return from the Eid prayer and started from scratch at around 6 am. I have this habit of trying to prepare any dish within one hour no matter how complex the steps are haha kunun2 masterchef~ But fate had it.. As I was boiling the water to soak my cili kering and also boiling the Nasi Impit packet on the other burner.. POOF! Api padam~

I panicked and screamed, "ABANG!!!!!!!!!!! KENAPA API NI PADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!???" 

The solution at that hour when the possibility of buying gas was near to none, we manage to borrow tong gas from our tenant.. fuh~

I just followed the recipe inside the link..

Roasted the chicken inside the oven for about 15 minutes. The idea is to let it dry so the meat will not shred when it is mixed with the kuah kacang later

The thing I never did in my previous attempts was simmer the kacang in water before mixing it with the blended ingredients. The idea is so that the kacang would not soak in too much water while it's cooked.

My family think it was good but they complained the kacang was too coarse hahahaha I didn't use the grinder because I find the end result is too fine so I used the blender instead. There were some peanuts that were not cut at all and I was too lazy to crush them since I already wasted more than half an hour with the gas issue hahaha

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