I haven't got much time to write this year. Partly busy, partly due to my inability to 'summon' my 'creative side'. Writing was natural back when I was studying. All I had to do was wake up very early in the morning, opened my window, inhaled some very deep breaths and then start writing. Sometimes I wonder whether adulthood consumed that side of me... Or am I, again, worried I'll be judged wrongly by those who read my writing with a different 'voice' than what I intend to... But then, who cares.. Thanks to Facebook, I think it's relatively safe to write in this blog with lesser audience and I think I've disabled the share key.. Let me check that setting after I'm done with this one..
Still a Pinterest addict, I found this one last night. I wanted to write about my travels very very much, but I found that if I was not in the right mood, the posts that I made weren't very satisfying and I end up erasing what I've written for hours and left it in drafts for Allah knows how long... So this one is a looooong list of positive things to write in a journal. I think just to keep this blog alive, I'll write one by one from this list. I found one of my journal yesterday in which I actually wrote some long term goals and one of them says, "I'll start writing a book at 27". Of course, I haven't even started hahaha maybe with writing often will get me started 😜 So here goes the first one...
What am I thankful for....
1. Deen...
Really, I am very thankful that I'm born a Muslim and from a family that practices Islam. We were not always observant before but we tried to improve together. After all, being a good Muslim to me is a continuous process of becoming. It's a challenging world for Islam nowadays. The liberals are trying to preach that Islam is no longer relevant, giving their own misleading interpretations of the Al-Quran and Hadiths to suit the lifestyle they want. But really, in my position, I don't think I am less happy abiding to the decree and conduct of Islam.
2. Family...
I usually take some time to make people understand how my family tree is like. It may not be typical, but I won't ask for anything else than what I already have. We can never avoid from being tested, can we? My childhood was somewhat different from my friends back then. While I had everything that my friends had like Barbie dolls, Polly Pockets, up-to-date bags and stationery sets, at home I was a more mature version of me. My mom was sick and so was my Nenek who was bedridden. I never tell my friends that I was actually absent because I had to take care of Nenek at the hospital. During school holidays, I would take care of Nuyui and do all the chores at home because I was the only healthy one. The only time for me to become a child was when it was time to spend the holiday at Babah's.
I never regret those days when we were tested. I think it was necessary. We are not rich, but never had I once felt that I'm deprived from anything in this world. My necessities has always been enough and also love has always been abundant. I'm very thankful that I'm born in my family,
3. Mind...
I am no genius, I think. But Allah bestowed me with a good grasp and retention of knowledge. I don't have to study hard to excel since school until university. I never stay up to cramp what had been taught. Sometimes I was even surprised by my good results. I didn't usually top the class, but I was there at maybe 4th or 5th place in the ranking. And my academic performance was never affected by emotions; like I still score when I broke up during my final exam in uni. But I know, a good mind comes with great responsibilities. It is not given to be something to boast about but something to be benefited from. And the benefit is not individual but collective. Yes, I'm very thankful to have a good mind. And because of my mind, I become a Pharmacist, the job that pays for my travels hahaha
4. Health...
Health has become one of my major concern nowadays since there are quite a number of people of my age that I know who have had serious health problems like stroke, DM, gout etc. I have a sweet tooth, and it's a struggle to reduce sugary drinks especially oh my beloved Coca Cola 😘 Still trying to not skip regular exercise too. Yes, I'm very thankful to have a healthy body that still enables me to function normally (and travel too hahaha)
5. Rizq...
While some might like to compare themselves with those who has more, I have the tendency to compare myself with those who has less. There's one daily sight after work that reminds me of how comfortable life is for me. I'm not sure at which unit he is stationed in our hospital, but he wears the cleaning service uniform. The thing about him that caught my eyes is his limp gait; can't tell whether that's congenital or acquired. He would cross the road in front of my car almost every evening. And while I was stuck in jam inside my air conditioned car with my Korean OST music playing at full blast there he was, walking home at the side of the road.
It got me thinking that I'm at no position to complain about life at all compare to this guy. My job is obviously not as physically demanding as his, I'm paid maybe 7 to 8 times more than him, I don't have to break a sweat going to and back from work... I'm very thankful of the rizq that's been given to me. My work can be mentally exhausting at times, but I'm paid well. Well enough to make myself live comfortably (and travel like mad~) . Well enough to help my parents to ease their burden. Well enough to save for the future. And well enough to have the opportunity for some charity too.
6. For still being single...
Hahahaha! Yes I do!
It was easy to be shrouded from the reality of marriage in our 20s when all we see were colourful weddings, all smiles, kisses, hugs and flowers... But 30s is when REALITY comes into picture. You started hearing cheating spouses, unexpected divorces, psycho and abusive husbands etc. Even in a stable marriage, some are tested with their kids having health problems or learning disability.
I have nothing against marriage that have kept me single. Having a husband and a family of my own in fact has always been in my wish list. Like that long term goals that I wrote in the past, I actually wrote there I want a kind loving husband by 2012 (Literally laughed out loud at that yesterday, like "What was I thinking when I wrote this!?")
I've decided somewhere in 2014, marriage is something that I will let time decide. It's not a race nor a measure of success in this world. Marriage in my point of view is not just about someone being by your side. It's more of an 'Amanah'; equally treating the husband and his family with kindness, raising children that will be someone of value to this world, working together for betterment, achieving dreams and attaining success in this world and the Hereafter. I'm admittedly quite conservative in this matter hahaha and I actually never wish for extravagant surprises like what people usually share in social media. All I want is just the same like what my family already have, simple yet full of love.
Yes I'm thankful for still being single because I still have the chance to allow a great guy of my dream to share my life with. I'm thankful because it has given me ample time to shape myself and build my career. It also has given me enough time to contribute to my family before I'm busied with my own. And best of all, the opportunity to fulfill my dream to explore the world. Hahaha maybe when the time finally comes, I'll add a no 7 to this list, entitled 'YOU...'
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