Kubur....
I don't know if I can ever get use to reading Nuyui's name on the tombstone... Ever...
As we walk down the hill towards my car Mommy said,
"It still feel strange not to have Nuyui around..."
"It's going to be 5 years tomorrow, Meh... 16 June..."
"Is it..? When I think about her.. I'll start thinking of Nenek.. And then your Grandfather... How much I actually miss them..."
Noticing the crack in her voice, I cut in...
"We are here to remind ourselves that it will be our turn one day..."
Truth is, I don't know if my words were actually meant to comfort her or myself...
While everybody was busy in the kitchen, I went to the glass display case where all Nuyui's trophies, student cards and even notes were placed. Reminiscing what a wonderful and special girl she was during her lifetime, it made sense that she had returned earlier to the Creator~
Doa
The sound of rain drops tapping against the window became louder and louder as I was done with my Maghrib prayer that evening. There were three of us in the Musolla but it felt like I was alone because the two were silently praying behind of me.
I don't know if everybody say the same set of prayers every time they pray, but I do... For many years, most of the words never change, just some addition whenever I have something that I particularly wished for.
It was just another one of the five times daily routine of the day.. The fourth time I said the same set of prayers, to be exact, on that day. But perhaps the chill and the tranquility of the moment made me hear my own prayers clearer that evening. I started to realize that what is currently revolving within my life is actually the result of answered prayers... My years and years of asking~
What's really hard to recognize? Is the answer for things that you ask Allah to protect you from~
Keperluan
Allah will always give you what you need at the right time, I believe...
It was one of the odd days where I was holding back remorse and trying to tell myself I was just being too overly emotional over things that I can't control. When I was alone during the rest of that day, I was constantly telling myself "Things will be just okay and I was just imagining the worse". Literally chanting in my head.
And when the day was about to end, Allah sent me something that never fail to put a smile on my face. Even if it was just in a split second, that was what I need~
Hati
A smile that gives calmness to your heart don't come every day, do they?
Maybe that was why Allah gave me years to finally see that first one.
After that, I went back frightened of that once familiar feeling seeping back into me without warning and it was from someone I never expect.
For months I tried to 'logicize' my feelings to this complete stranger but to no avail..
Has Allah drew him closer to me...???
Close enough for me to know that he is a different breed of smart... Hahaha
Naturally, being someone who have learnt so much about 'What's meant to be will be', I'm keeping my distance. I just can't help asking "Are you just another lesson or is it really 'you'?"
0 comments:
Post a Comment