Apr 6, 2020

COVID19 Diary #2

Bismillah...

To date, there are already too many wonderfully written inner thoughts and reflections of the Coronavirus pandemic that I've decided to wait for a little so that mine would be genuine for this blog. They are very good that I might actually echo another's thoughts rather than pen my own so I gave myself some time


First and foremost, microorganisms are not uncommon to me and in fact it is my day to day job to be part of a multidisciplinary team to care for patients who contracted infectious disease of any kind. I'd thought earlier this year, the most intriguing case of the year would be when a rare worm was extracted from a patient's eyeball. Little did I know, the worse was yet to come.


When WHO announced that the newly discovered SARS-CoV-2 was potentially pandemic, I made sure that I read all the necessary materials before my trip to Indonesia and I took a step ahead to make sure that the medication said to possibly cure the viral infection was in sufficient quantity if it was to hit my hometown. I happily went for my holiday and still strongly believed that it will not get to us. And when I returned, that was when things started to get more and more serious. The WHO update on Covid-19 was only about three pages when I last visited and when I got back to work after the holiday, it looked nothing like what I've read before. That was actually the moment when I realized that this one is going to be real...


One of the writing mentioned about how one of the most arrogant world leader is put to his knees when his country was severely hit. Well, I don't think I can ever achieve his level of accolades however I am someone who have been watching how unseen creatures can actually destroy a human being from within for many years. I watched people fought the battle, many have won it, some slipped midway then eventually succumbed and some were even less fortunate. I have strong memories of patients who have passed on partly because I spend more than 30 minutes with them in every session. I also see patients with problems more frequently than those who are stable. Over these years, I managed to train myself not to be emotionally attached and accepted death as a normal cycle of every living creature. I've accepted that we are coexisting with these unseen creatures and that they are too trying to survive.


But that evening at the on-call room, about a week after we started receiving Covid-19 patients, I wept as I recited the doa after my prayer. How I wish it was purely out of fear of Allah hahaha But in all honesty, I felt very tired and helpless. The number of positive cases were rising, so was the number of deaths, and that afternoon I was informed  one of our patient condition suddenly worsened. And Covid-19 is still very much a mystery until today that it instill fear even for someone whose daily job is dealing with viral infection. I feared for my family especially my parents who are within the age of high risk patients, I feared for the people I love who are smokers which also fall within the high risk group, and feared for the whole ummah because this virus picks its victim ever so randomly.


From what I see, Covid-19 is perhaps sent by God to remind nations that are not affected by war and famine that they too can fall.  To remind that we are all mere mortals, interconnected and is teaching us to work together to solve a problem caused by the 'unseen'.... The 'unseen' has brought the world to its knees~

Mar 26, 2020

COVID19 Diary #1

Bismillah



So this is me 9 days since I started working on Covid19 here. Actually after I posted the last one, another storm came but Alhamdulillah has now eased that I'm able to write tonight.


It was very mentally and physically exhausting, initially. Even though I was actually informed early to prepare for a second wave, during an outbreak, time will not always be on your side because you can never predict whether you're ahead the virus or actually falling behind. I stayed day and night at the hospital for a week with the nurses doing the set up but honestly it was even worse for them than for me that I dare not complain. Sometimes we forgot to eat. And what I couldn't handle well was my lack of sleep. My brain was constantly active even when I tried to shut my eyes. I only start to get back my good night sleep on the first day of MCO because it was by that time that we've picked up the flow and currently just improvising. The good side, I easily shed some weight for the past two weeks hahaha


It actually surprised me how the level of anxiety and fear are very different among individuals and that includes the healthcare workers. I find it funny that my presence can scare my colleagues nowadays due to the fact that I've been going in and out of the isolation ward in daily basis. Well, even so I actually don't consider myself as a frontliner because my movement are restricted to the clean area and have no contact at all with any of the patients. So the risk is basically very minimal as long as I adhere strictly to the precautions.


Emotionally, I do lose it sometimes especially when petty issues are overly highlighted but so far Alhamdulillah after diplomatic discussions, most issues are resolved. On the bright side, since I've found my passion in ID, I have no problem maintaining my motivation in handling this. To me this an opportunity for learning and at some point I do feel like I'm meant to do this.


I'm grateful that I decided to go back to Labuan the week before the MCO. Been keeping up with my family on how they are doing in daily basis. I guess, we are all more worried about our parents since they are within the age of high risk for severe illness, don't we? Alhamdulillah, everyone in the family are still positive and cheerful so that is also to me, a huge moral support. And I also couldn't help it but to check on someone I love deeply. Haha freaked out a bit because he is staying with a frontliner who works in high risk area! From there on, may my prayers be close to him....


There will be more challenges ahead and I know I can do this.

Bismilllahi tawakkaltu 'alallah, laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa billah~

Mar 14, 2020

2020 Blessings Post #1

Bismillah..

I guess these days I will only get to pen something on this blog whenever I'm down with fever hahaha
The state level program that I will be chairing is just a week away and I was supposed to do some stuffs so I can email them this evening. But my mental acuity is not at its optimum level and the task requires me to be focused and creative so I decided I'll just do some writing instead as this is somewhat a therapy for me.


Truthfully, despite that depressing post at the end of February, life has been amazing in many ways. I felt slightly guilty to have fret so much but yeah, I'm only human and at times I just sort of had enough of certain things and need to just let it out.

So this post is the first one to count my 2020 blessing


The first one would be I'm very thankful that I got the chance to travel before the Covid-19 got worse and best of all, our trip to Sulawesi was a very memorable one. It was something that I wanted to do out of a hunch. Luckily MR was up to it and we bought the ticket just a month before.

MR was busy with her procurement and she had a 10 days trip to Kyushu a few weeks before we flew. While I was busy with ongoing work projects and preparing for the program I'm chairing since I needed to settle some sponsorship stuffs before going away for a week. It was surprisingly hard to get information about Sulawesi especially about Tanah Toraja that I finally contacted a friend of friends to ask him about his trip in 2017 and luckily he had been very helpful. I only had everything properly arranged a few days before the trip.


The cultural experience we had there was extraordinary. We spent 2 days visiting graveyards and every single graveyard was unique in its form and history that we didn't get bored at all. And the fact that the people are still deeply rooted and have kept their culture alive till today made it even more fascinating.



The second thing I'm very grateful of is the chance to join another Medical Camp with the 4WD enthusiasts and this time at a village remotely located behind Mount Kinabalu. When I saw that the village is in Ranau, the first thing that came into mind was "Oh.. Not so rural this time, I guess". The day before the trip I Googled the place to see where exactly it is and I was shocked! The red pin on the Google map in the middle of no where behind mount Kinabalu hahaha


The road was better compared to the one we used to Kg. Inarad. We arrived early that afternoon and started out after lunch.

This time I met 2 doctors who are very good in cooking. They brought chicken rendang and cooked asam pedas! So delicious that I've memorized the recipe and the only thing that's kapt me from trying it at home is I can't find the paste they were using. I've been looking for it both in KK and Labuan. I hope I'll find them in KB since I'm going there this weekend.


Next is a blessing in disguise, when the International Congress of Infectious Disease (ICID) that I was supposed to attend got cancelled because of Covid-19. It was cancelled before mass gathering were not advised because the organizer, the speakers and the delegates are actually the key people of their respective countries in managing Covid-19. I initially wanted to just cancel the trip and save some leave for the future. But  then, when I asked my friends if they were free on those dates, I was very touched when they said they'll try apply for leave and they did!



So the supposedly work trip turned into a leisure trip. I was expected to conduct training after the program so yeah with the program being cancelled and turned into 5 days holiday with the people that matters in my life is such a blessing. It is a much needed gathering for a friend of us also since she is currently having it rough in life. I'm glad that I was made the reason by Allah to bring us together and be there for her to help ease the burden even for a while.


And the next would be work-related.. I still have to bear with the unproductive 2 hours every morning that feels like a time loop and this morning particularly felt like listening to a broken CD because the same thing was repeated like 20 times, literally hahaha

So the first one would be that my team I manage to come out with a pocket guide that was already distributed last week. It was an initiative to communicate our knowledge and practice to those who are far from our reach, those who didn't get the chance to attend our programs. The first version is very simple, purposely so to enable quick reference. But I am planning to add some other information in the future and for now I'm waiting for feedback on what else can be improved in the current version.


Next would be how things are working for me in my career for the past 2 months. I actually retain knowledge best when I teach. Back in form 5 when SPM was approaching, I used to spend my prep in other classes to teach my friends. Well, I wasn't the top of the batch, no. I just taught my friends the basics because I believe that when you have strong basics, things will be easier from there on. Since the starting of the year, I've been given a lot of opportunities to teach and I still have a few invitations for talks in the coming week. Alhamdulillah...


But honestly, I'm no Superwoman. For the past few months I've been doing trials and errors to find what is the best method to be highly disciplined and keep things in check. The most important things to me is the ability to prioritize and then focus. So far, I'm coping well. Things are done and my room is kept neat and tidy hahaha I hope I can maintain yosh!


As much as I want to be the rock for someone, love only works both ways. I've long accepted the fact that what's meant to be will be, and what's lost was never yours to begin with. Thus I'm focusing on my personal growth and my own purpose on this world because we don't see partnership in the same way. While I see us propelling each other, I guess he sees me getting in his way.

The Covid-19 also have made me restructure my whole plans. I have to reschedule my exam and I've also decided that it's time to try again what I've wanted the most in the past but have to shut it behind me because I was 'needed'..... My best friend said, it's time for me to think about myself....

Real time picture of me doing oncall duty for Covid19. Wrote this post a few days ago but have no time to put the pics. Things already calm down at my side, just waiting for the next order thus I have time to post this hahaha 😌


Mar 2, 2020

Recipe: Ayam Kam Heong



Bismillah...

After an emotional post comes a recipe post hahaha Told you, this blog proves that I'm a normal human being who has ups and downs like everybody else. 

My dad is currently on his 10 days trip in Indonesia so the kitchen is all mine! Yeah! This morning I was in the mood to try this recipe given by my cousin. She was very excited because she succeeded and can't wait for me to try it. The recipe is very simple but I didn't get to take the pics of every step. Lol such an amateur!

The night before I marinated the chicken with turmeric powder, black pepper ground and salt. You don't have to marinate it that long. I had to because I was going to cook it before going to work


Suku suku separuh... konon~

First, saute the crushed garlic and diced holland onion...

Next, add curry leaves and the curry powder that have been mixed with water. 
I used 3 tablespoon curry powder, by the way

Then... Add 2 tablespoon for each of these- oyster sauce, chili sauce, tomato ketchup

Finally put in the chopped chilis and voila! My lunch for the first Monday of March



Feb 26, 2020

Rambling....

Life is good...
Yet there are still things that make me feel like I want to dissappear... 
No... Not dissappear from this world...
Just away from this place for a while...
Sometimes I wish someone could just take my hand, bring me to somewhere far far away and assure me that it's okay to not be the 'hero' all the time...
I've never felt I needed saving.. Ever...
Because I was always my own 'hero' 
But now I need it... 
Because the 'hero' has bled... 
A bit too much...