So this is me 9 days since I started working on Covid19 here. Actually after I posted the last one, another storm came but Alhamdulillah has now eased that I'm able to write tonight.
It was very mentally and physically exhausting, initially. Even though I was actually informed early to prepare for a second wave, during an outbreak, time will not always be on your side because you can never predict whether you're ahead the virus or actually falling behind. I stayed day and night at the hospital for a week with the nurses doing the set up but honestly it was even worse for them than for me that I dare not complain. Sometimes we forgot to eat. And what I couldn't handle well was my lack of sleep. My brain was constantly active even when I tried to shut my eyes. I only start to get back my good night sleep on the first day of MCO because it was by that time that we've picked up the flow and currently just improvising. The good side, I easily shed some weight for the past two weeks hahaha
It actually surprised me how the level of anxiety and fear are very different among individuals and that includes the healthcare workers. I find it funny that my presence can scare my colleagues nowadays due to the fact that I've been going in and out of the isolation ward in daily basis. Well, even so I actually don't consider myself as a frontliner because my movement are restricted to the clean area and have no contact at all with any of the patients. So the risk is basically very minimal as long as I adhere strictly to the precautions.
Emotionally, I do lose it sometimes especially when petty issues are overly highlighted but so far Alhamdulillah after diplomatic discussions, most issues are resolved. On the bright side, since I've found my passion in ID, I have no problem maintaining my motivation in handling this. To me this an opportunity for learning and at some point I do feel like I'm meant to do this.
I'm grateful that I decided to go back to Labuan the week before the MCO. Been keeping up with my family on how they are doing in daily basis. I guess, we are all more worried about our parents since they are within the age of high risk for severe illness, don't we? Alhamdulillah, everyone in the family are still positive and cheerful so that is also to me, a huge moral support. And I also couldn't help it but to check on someone I love deeply. Haha freaked out a bit because he is staying with a frontliner who works in high risk area! From there on, may my prayers be close to him....
There will be more challenges ahead and I know I can do this.
Bismilllahi tawakkaltu 'alallah, laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa billah~
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