*This is a fiction*
The frantic air has been wafting for many weeks. The admission rate rose in an unprecedented trend and so was the discharge and mortality rates. My colleagues and I tried our best to cope with the number of drugs to be supplied, the number of patients to be educated on their medications and last but not least the number of errors to be corrected on the prescriptions. I understood that the doctors and the nurses were going through harder times than us, the pharmacists. So I'd kept myself quiet; not wanting to burden them with any additional unnecessary complaint and tried my best to keep things running as smooth as I could.
Sitting in that small room with three prescriptions in my hand made me felt secure. Secured from the daunting atmosphere. It has been a year since I took over the pharmacy, but I still have not adapted to the frail looks of the patients, the smell of urine and alcohol mixing in the air, the wailing and the deaths. I breathed a deep sigh of relief before I start working on the case note that rested on my lap. I murmured the case summary and the list of drugs in the lowest tone possible as I flip through the pages; not wanting to distract the doctors. Then suddenly a voice from my left side caused me to jump.
"Ehem.. Pharmacist sekarang strict ek..."
I turned slightly and glanced upward. It was the new houseman who was sitting with his back facing me. He was staring at me at the corner of his eyes and was not smiling. I remember he is the houseman that my senior spoke to this morning. I remember sensing anger in my senior's tone as she spoke to the houseman. I remember it was about a wrong drug frequency. Maybe he was still holding grudge against pharmacist after what had happened earlier that day. I forced a smile and said, "Hurm.. Kene la strict.. Kalau salah kan susah.."
What he doesn't know.. His first sentence was my facebook status that evening...
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It was a sulky Monday. No trainees to help me out and I was trotting all over the wards trying to settle both queries and counselings on my own as the others have gone to meetings and clinics. By the end of the day, all my energies have drained out. It was one of the last query of the day when I sat at the registration counter at the entrance of the female ward. The case notes were scattered all over the counter; stacked on one after another. I searched for the case note that I need to refer to and it was to no avail. Everything was too disorganized and confusing. And as I was asking around about the case note, I suddenly caught a glance of the case note number that I was looking for. No wonder I didn't see it, it was covered by an opened case note and a face that I recognized from male ward a week ago was writing on the opened case note.
"Hi.. Bole saye pinjam case note yang kat bawah tu?"
"Ambikla" Slightly lifting the case note he was writing on without looking at me and still not smiling.
I have not seen him for a while but have learned his name from his stamp on the drug charts. I was starting to feel that he might be another arrogant houseman but I continued to sit in front of him since it was the only available seat left. I noticed his tanned skin "Hurm.. rasa hari tu macam lagi putih," I thought. I queried him on some errors and he doesn't seem to be pleased about it. I'd wanted to ask him where did he go and why is he so tanned. But I'd kept the questions to myself because he was still not smiling; and that, he doesn't know..
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I was pacing nervously towards the office because I just remember that I have to settle some documents when I
suddenly heard a voice calling from behind. It was a lady, most probably in her 50's. She asked the direction to the medical block because she wanted to see her nephew who is a doctor there. I told her the medical block is huge and some disciplines in the medical department are in separate blocks. I asked her the name of her nephew and to my surprise, she is the aunt to the houseman who don't know how to smile. I walked her and her husband to the ward and went to the office after that.
Later that evening, I have another counseling in the ward. He was sitting at the counter, writing in yet another case note. I guess he was startled by the banging of the door and turned at my direction. And for the first time, he smiled. I was actually taken aback by the smile and it took a few seconds before I smile back. Another thing I remember on the day he first smile at me is... it was a Wednesday :)
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It was hectic as usual in the acute ward but the commotion seem to be muted as I concentrated on the case note in front of me. With my limited clinical knowledge, I tried to figure out what was missing on the list of drugs that was ordered for the patient. The office hour was already over and I finally decided that I should call it a day since I fail to concentrate on the words on the case note. I went to pack my things and head to the musolla; I haven't got time to pray earlier since there were so many things to settle.
When I exited the main door, I saw a familiar figure heading towards the musolla too. "The houseman who
actually know how to smile," I thought. He asked me a question earlier that day and I felt rather awkward to the sudden friendliness but I thought I should take that as a good sign now that I can comfortably query on the errors or ambiguities. He noticed my presence as we enter the musolla's ground.
"Eyh, baru nak smayang?" He asked in a teasing tone
I was actually too exhausted and didn't feel like replying but I did anyway with a poker face,
"Tak lah. Bukan nye nak smayang.. Saye nak query awak. Kejar sampai surau."
I walked passed him and turned slightly when he did not reply. He was staring at the floor and he was smiling."Alamak, cute la pulak." I thought and rushed towards the female area.
Facebook status that evening "One can look much better when they smile,"
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On the days that followed, nothing seem to be at ease in any of the ward. More and more admissions and additional beds were placed in all the extension wards. I befriended most of the houseman and that had made my work easier. But none of them knew my name. I was merely 'the medical ward pharmacist' because I was seen everywhere; the male ward, the female ward and also the high dependency unit. Some were even confused why I was 'all over the place'. "I'm in charged of the supply and not the clinical side" I answered.
But one houseman can really get into my nerve and it was the one who just learnt how to smile. Once I even have to stay after office hours because he was no where to be found in the ward when I needed some justifications of the drugs he just prescribed. He actually went to escort a patient for a CT scan. It was not his fault but I glared at him in the most devilish way that I could anyway because I was already late and I have to catch a flight.
I don't know where did he learn that my name starts with a 'Nor'. It was one of the busy day where I only have a few minutes to screen the drug charts in the ward when it was not the indent day when I heard someone calling "Nor.. Nor.." I was oblivious to my surrounding as I usually do when I am concentrating on something. I heard the faint call but did not respond because nobody ever calls me Nor "Ehem.. Pharmacist Nor," I was startled by his sudden appearance from my back.
"Awak panggil saye ke? Nobody calls me Nor!"
"Ok ape Nor.. Cahaye.." He said as he handed me two discharge prescriptions and then walked away; laughing.
He finally learned my name one evening when I was trying to call my staff in the pharmacy using the ward's telephone. My hand was full; I was holding my handphone, my pre-inked stamp, a pen and my punch card. I put them on the table when I had to flip through the drug charts as I held the telephone receiver with my other hand. When I looked up from the drug chart, he was already holding my punch card. I heard him said "O.. Anak pacik Salleh rupenye" I made a poker face as I usually does when he tease. I actually wanted to said something every time he teases me but I would hold back because I wanted to be professional in the ward because I know gossip can spread very fast and I don't want to create any.
What he doesn't know? He doesn't know that I'm happy that he wants to know my name :)
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One evening, he told me that it was his last day in the ward. I replied with an "Oooo.." and asked him where he was posted next. He said most probably in another ward in a different block. I didn't know how to respond and just smiled and said, "Good luck kat sana," And the next day, he wasn't in the ward anymore and it didn't bring any change to my routine because it was normal for the houseman to come and go for their rotation.
One evening, when I was alone in the pharmacy, as I was packing my things getting ready to go home, the phone suddenly rings. I picked up the phone, "Hello,"
"Hello, pharmacist Nor ka ni? Boleh tolong. Satu lagi last kaunseling. Patient tunggu suda,"
I went down to the ward and did the counseling. It was simple and the patient was young and understood easily. When I was back at the pharmacy, it was almost dark outside. Took my handphone out of my handbag and text him a short message
"Skarang suma nak panggil Nor!"
He replied almost immediately "haha"
And that was when I realize I actually feel his absence...
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It was raining heavily outside and I was battling whether I should go to the bank or not. But our vacation was only
4 days away and I need the cash and I also need some time to search for a money changer that offers the lowest price for Korean won. I grabbed the umbrella hanged at the side of the table and walked my way down to the parking lot. As I walked down the stairs, I heard a familiar voice calling "Nor!" from behind. I was surprised to see him in the area and was actually glad. I tried to show no excitement in my expression and just gave a brief smile. I waited for him and we walked towards the clinic slowly side by side because he was having muscle ache as he just climbed the Mount Kinabalu a few days before.
We chatted along the way. He told me about his climb and asked me how was mine in April and about Via Ferrata. By this time, I can no longer suppress my excitement because it was about the mountain. It was clear that I was excited but what he doesn't know is that my excitement was partly because of him.
He asked me whether I could drive him to his ward because his leg was very painful. I didn't mean to turn him down on that. It was raining heavily, and my car was parked at the open area. If it was a bright sunny day, I would have sent him to his ward. But considering how heavy the rain was and the fact that we have to share the umbrella and get wet anyway, I have to turn him down. I know that sound almost romantic; walking in the rain under one umbrella and get wet. But I think that is just inappropriate..
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My stomach was growling and there was nothing that I wanted more at that time but leave for lunch quickly and eat as much as I could. I was rushing down the alley where patients and visitors usually sit about; waiting for the ambulance or waiting for the visiting time. I don't usually look at by standers and I usually don't notice if any of my friend is around. But I don't know why I noticed him sitting there wearing his dark blue shirt. I said hi and waved at him and continued to walk passed him. I stopped at the stairs and turned back. I wanted to give him a souvenir that I'd kept for weeks inside my purse. But there were too many people and again I don't want to create gossip. So I turned around and said "Takpelah"
I walked into the pharmacy and found that my friend was not yet ready for lunch. Then I thought maybe I shouldn't be too worry about the gossips and went back to where he was sitting and he was no longer to be found.
I text him "Cepatnye hilang. Nak bagi souvenir"
"Tadi kate takpe"
We arranged to meet that evening but I was the one who cancelled it in the end; not because I don't want to create gossip but because I don't want to trouble him for the small insignificant souvenir. He was posted to another place and I won't be seeing for at least four months. I hope 1/3 of the 365 days pass by quickly...
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Life goes on.. I continued my daily routines as did he. I haven't heard from him since the evening that I cancelled meeting him. I wish him well.. I don't know where this story goes after this but that's why I feel like writing it because it's hard to find some stranger with the ability to make me happy every time I sees him. Yup.. It's not like I have palpitation when he is in sight. I just feel happy and the rest of my day will be brighter.. Weird~
Anyway, where ever this story goes won't do any harm to me. I'll try looking at the bright side of things that are not going as I want it to be. I don't want to think he already has someone so I initially thought he might be gay; because thinking it that way made it less hurtful. But, something dawned on me after I watch spider man.. I want to think him as a superhero who has that special power to make me happy. It's just that we can't be together because he is a SUPERHERO haha
*Sy yakin die x bace blog sy.. Kalo die bace, sy akn malu sampa menangis.. Yakin!*
