Bismillah...
I feel it's harder to write when I aim to share substance rather than pour random thoughts from my temple hence the slow update of this blog. Alhamdulillah, the number of new cases in Sabah is starting to decrease this week. Today MKN came out with a new SOP and yeay! we are now allowed to dine in and do sports again.
I have been busy after I was released from quarantine. I was struggling to juggle between work and my scholarship application. The deadline was last week on 3rd of November. Alhamdulillah, I managed to complete the essays. Although writing is quite second nature to me which come rather easily when I put my mind into it, but 'selling' myself on my writings is another thing altogether. I was very much affected by the essay samples from previous scholars too. Their achievements were way beyond mine and their writing skills were impressive.
There were four essays to be submitted in which you have to show your leadership qualities, your ability to build network, your reasons for choosing to study in the UK and what are your future goals. Having failed to advance for interview before, this time I took the time to read blogs of previous scholars and watch their videos too. And, Alhamdulillah, my boss was the one who personally informed me regarding the scholarship briefing approximately an hour before it started. Compare to 6 years ago, now I have a clearer idea of what the panels are looking for in selecting the awardees.
To think of it, I could actually exaggerate because the panels will not investigate whether what you are writing is true or not hahaha. But that is against my principle. If I want to win this award, I want to win it with integrity, I want to win it because I truly deserve it rather than try to curate a false image of myself. Eventually, rather than imitating the bombastic paragraphs of the previous scholars' essays, I chose to stick with my own style of writing: fairly highlighting the best parts of my career and honestly projecting what are my future goals. I put my best foot forward to meet the deadline and now I leave the rest to Allah~
There was this very beautiful piece written by sister Aliyyah Mohammad Khuzaini on FB that I shared on my wall about women who achieved great things because the men in their lives, the fathers and the husbands, believed in them. Their spouses didn't perceived their extraordinary capabilities as a threat to their ego hence they became their greatest support. She also mentioned that marriage is not a power tussle but a lifelong companionship to propel each other to excel in every aspect of life. What sister Aliyyah wrote completely resonate with my conception on marriage. I have mentioned somewhere in this blog that my thirst for knowledge, my appetite for success, my eagerness to become a person of action is never to prove to the world that I'm the best or better than anyone else. I'm not wired in such way. That was why I never cared if I get first place in class or not as long as I scored straight A's hahaha
I have not given up on love lol but I have come to a point where I am extremely exhausted of letting 'people' into my life, subsequently being put down and forced to submission. I have to state it clearly that he-who-doesn't-know (faithful readers will know this character lol) was the only one who didn't treat me so. I sometimes do wonder, does my outer appearance misleadingly display myself as someone who is timid, coy and unambitious. Or did these 'people' regard me like a trophy, like someone they wanted to be seen with because I do noticed one similarity in them is that they will tag the pictures of themselves with me on social media and one even shamelessly told me to post on my wall that I was with him! Sometimes I feel like I should have prompt these men earlier on, "If you're insecure and will feel intimidated by my zest for life, please stay away from me..." Hahaha
Currently, I just want to focus on bettering myself like preparing vigorously for my certification exam, being attentive to my university applications and my search for funding while efficiently keeping everything else in life in order. Life is not a race. The only person that we are competing with is our past selves. I will patiently wait for 'him' who sees me as a challenge but instead of trying to clip my wings or drag me down, we soar~ together....
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