Losing him~~

I really don't know how I feel right now.. Redha?? Memang la kena redha kan~ but the fact that I couldn't be with my family and attend his funeral to pay him my last respect is somewhat devastating...

Morning 13 January 2010..
I really didn't expect the news that was about to be leaked by mom because it's a routine for her to call me early in the morning.. The conversation start off normally and then suddenly her tone was changing..

"Nenek mu nada suda"

That simple sentence numbed me.. I was speechless.. My knees weakened and I slowly sat on the chair.. Tears were pooling in my eyes and with a deep breath I start asking the details...

"Bila mami??" "Siapa ada sama ia masa tu??"

It was a short conversation.. I think mom wanted to give me time to cope with the news.. Cleared my throat and called my aunt.. Babah would be too busy since he's the only son.. I was shocked to know my cousin who was raised by him wasn't informed about it yet.. They were afraid if she collapse on hearing the news..

"Kau sms saja ia J"

I insist on telling her myself although I never did it before.. At least I could hear what's happening at the other side of the line. Being this far from her I really don't know what should I do if she really collapse.. I decided to make it short..

She answered the phone in a hoarse voice

"Oit! baru bangun ka??"
"Aah~ kenapa ko telefon pagi2 ni??"
"Bangun dulu kau.. Bangun bangun~"
"Ha~ kenapa?"
"Aku ada mau bagitau ni..."

And I broke the news to her.. Alhamdulillah she didn't collapse but she was crying at the other end and it was hysterical.. It was heartbreaking..

Pain#1

I never felt so helpless like that.. Not being able to offer her my hand.. Not a hug.. I could only listen.. I remain silent since I know my words wont reach her.. She went on like that for a few minutes and then got to her senses.. Then we start talking.. Told her the things I know.. Discussed on how to get her to the funeral... She was obviously shocked.. She was closer to him than I was

Pain#2

I really really wanted to go back but when I check on the flight ticket.. The return ticket KL-KK was RM800.. I decided to stay here.. It was really painful to only get things through the phone..

"Sekarang ni buat apa?" "Mandikan"
"Suda kebumi?" "Belom"

And when everything was settled, I received an sms "Selamat suda nenek mu di kebumikan"

I called my aunt again.. Ask her how things were during the funeral.. Checked on my cousin.. She was much much better and has stopped crying.. Sebak~ Sebak sangat2~ but I've to contain my sorrow because I was at Kenny Rogers with my friends.. I didn't want to go at first but we've been excitedly planning to go enjoy the offer the day before.. So I went anyway~ They don't deserve a gloomy me..

I really wish I was there.. I really didn't expect to lose a beloved one at this time of the year although I know he was sick.. I always thought I could make it..

I'm grateful that last hari raya I made a critical decision to spend it with babah.. It was like an intuition because I don't enjoy hari raya in KK as much as I do in Labuan.. My decision was questioned by my cousin

"Aku hairan kenapa kau raya di sini."
"Ko hairan?? Aku lagi hairan.. Aku pon nda tau napa aku mau raya sini"

And now, I'm glad I did.. Because it was the last time I saw him.. The last time I touched his wrinkled hands.. The last time I fed him. He was all sick, his limbs were atrophied and stiff so all his grandchildren took turn to feed him..

Upon leaving that day, I saw my cousins salam and hugged him and kissed him.. Yes, I'm close to him. I can say I chat with him the most among his grandchildren because I'm the most fluent in kadayan.. but I'm just not the kind who express my love like that to male family members including to him and including to my father and including to my brothers... All I guess..

I salam him, said a few words and then took off.. But then as I walk out from the room I don't know what made me went back to him and hugged him and kissed him on his cheek... Honestly, it felt awkward but I was so happy I did.. Looking back at all the things that happened last hari raya I was like

"Patutla~ Rupanya aku yang nda akan ada di situ~"

I'm accepting this.. I just can't be alone in these few days because everytime I do tears just keep on coming out.. Because I really really want to go home... Mom keep on checking on me.. I guess she's worried but I manage to maintain my cool everytime she calls

May he be placed among the believers... Thanks to all who offered me condolences :)

"To Allah belongs what He takes and to Him belongs what He gives. And there is a set time by Him for everything. Exercise patience and expect reward from Allah"

post about nenek (december 2008)

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Cheese Cake

Bahan A:

2 line (dalam paket) cream craker

2/3 cawan gula halus

1 cawan atau ¾ ketul Buttercup

Bahan B:

2 ketul (500g) cream cheese Philadelphia

1 cawan gula halus

4 biji telur gred A

1 sudu kecil esen vanilla

½ biji limau nipis (optional) -->> I suke pakai lemon

Cara membuatnya:

Bahan A:

1. Mesin cream craker hingga halus
2. Masukkan ke dalam butter yang telah lembut
3. Gaulkan dengan gula halus
4. Tekan bahan A ke dalam acuan yang telah disapu dengan mentega

Bahan B:

1. Blend cheese dan gula hingga kembang
2. Masukkan kuning telur satu persatu, esen vanilla serta perahan air limau dan blend lagi
3. Pukul putih telur hingga kembang dalam bekas berasingan dan kemudian dimasukkan dalam adunan cheese tadi
4. Blend lagi sehingga adunan menjadi sebati
5. Kemudian tuangkan ke dalam acuan yang telah dimasukkan bahan A tadi.
6. Bakar dalam oven bersuhu 180-200⁰C (GG slalu tunggu dalam 45 minit gak la~ but to be safe, cek la slalu~ hee)
   
7. Setelah masak, biarkan sejuk dan kemudian masukkan ke dalam peti ais

Kadang2 kalo saye rajen atau bosan saye buat topping die.. Topping paling mudah~ Saye masak cooking chocolate + susu pekat je

SELAMAT MENCUBA!!! Saye amek recipe ni dari roommate saye TK

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Interkuliyyah Games 2010~

I've been busy with sports this week.
I played volley and futsal.
This year's IKG is so fun because Ipha have this very loud supporters. So macam besemangat telebih sikit~
Here are two videos from my games.. Malu sebenarnya mau letak~ Tapi nda apa la... hehe

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First post 2010~

It’s been a while since my last post.. The internet signal is so0o0o0 poor these days that I couldn’t get myself logged in~

So… now it’s already 2010~ HYE 2010!!!! (^^)/ hehe I guess my greeting is a week late~ salahkan celcom!! Salahkan celcom!!

For this first post~ I’ll just fill it with lots and lots of pictures from my recent activities.. If I am to write them, I’m pretty sure you guys won’t read it because I have too many things to tell and the post would be too lengthy.. Overall, life is good and happy.. Love it!!!

2009 has gone by so now let’s give way to 2010.. Resolutions???

I usually don’t set up specific goals when the year starts because I’ve lots and lots of goals as the time goes~ So my resolution is always to do my very best in the things that I do~ hehe I’m actually anticipating a lot of changes in life this year since I’ll be graduating soon.. Just hope everything will be fine and not so shocking~ I hate unpleasant surprises…

I’m also thinking of “staying in my current status” (you know what I mean~) and enjoy this carefree life a little bit more before settling down~ Yeah~ I’ll settle down one day~ Don’t want to rush things up~

So here goes the pictures!!!

25-26 Dec 2009

The ARC Mass Gathering aka ARC Family Day. This was the first program for the new tenure and I think you guys did a good job

It was really weird at first to be a participant instead of the organizer.. Some of the committees were asking "kak gg, pasang kemah kat sini ke?" and I was like "kenape tanye akak??" hehe

That night we had BBQ and I finally get to watch Ice Age 3. Luckily they had the LCD and that big screen so I still have this cinema feel~

Unfortunatelly many of the "otai2 arc" weren't around.. Judin graduated~ Shifaa and Anea went home~ Don and Zac only manage to come on the 2nd day~ MAdi.. I don't know where he went~ Mida decided to spend a night with us at the last minute. She went home the next morning (26 Dec) to attend her cousin's wedding~ hehe Mida yang hardcore!!!

O yeah! My dream of flying a kite finally came true during the ARC family day.. Well, I forgot to bring my kite which is neatly kept under my bed.. It's a big kite with a picture of superman on it~ I badly wanted to fly a kite that I bought one during the program.. Much much smaller but it went so high!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

O ya not to forget, the activites were also great! I'd a great time throwing my "bullets" during the war game~ And our sand castle got 2nd place!! I'm always lucky when it comes to sand castle hehe

1st-2nd January 2010

Actually we were supposed to go for an expedition in Mount Tapis. But due to bad weather the program was postponed (again~).. I was initially worried if I had nothing to do that weekend but it turned out that I was never inside my room.. On the 1st January at 4 .30 am we (Moja, Aliyaa, Zac and Don) went to climb Panorama. It was too cloudy that morning that we didn't see the sunrise

I really like this pic~ The ground on which I'm sitting was actually quite slippery beacuse there was a downpour that morning. My knees were actually shaking and my heart was beating fast while zac took this pic hehe

After that we went to Bukit Pelindung~ Don can't join us because he had to entertain his aunt who'd just arrived at the airport. So we call up the new President hehe kesian~ mamai kene naek bukit~ But that's the spirit!!!! \(^^)/

That evening we went wall climbing!!! I manage to finish it this time and currently is trying to do the yellow route~ Lesson from the first climb: Jangan telampau maen boulder sebelom climb~ nanti nda larat!!!!

The next day we brought the new members to Bukit Pelindung~ This trip was like a substitute to Tapis expedition~ I'm glad that everybody enjoyed it :)

Later that evening Jepah, Jaz, Zac, Moja and me went to play badminton!!! hehe \(^^)/

O yeah~ At night I actually went out with Ray to watch movies~ We watched Cirque Du freak: the vampire assistant and Did you hear about the morgans?

Lembaga Penapisan Filem siap menjalankan tugas!!!!!! hee

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23 years old~

Thank you Allah~

For the loving family that works authentic joy throughout my existence
For blessing me with people who would love me unconditionally and without conditions.
For bestowing me the gift of people who embrace my past, my present and my future and take them as an intricate details of who I am~

Thank you for all the plans You've made for me.. Throughout happiness and laughters.. Throughout turmoils and difficulties.. I now realize that those are the beautiful fate that You've sewn to my life from the choices that I've made. Those are also the light that would direct me to Your path~ Forgive me for the times when I failed to see~

Thank you for letting me walk this path (life) for 23 years.. Thank you for giving me the chance to take pleasure from all the bounties.. The fresh air you let me breathe.. The perfectly functioning and healthy body.. The fine mind and clarity.. And most of all for giving me the chance to live as Muslim~

I'll continue walking now~ until I reach the end of my journey in this path~ I'll never know if I'm actually running out of time~

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Them Children~

O0o0 how I miss them children~

This is a pic taken during a family dinner in a restaurant by the seaside.. It was windy and that's why their hair are so0o0o0 messy haha

Well, during the previous semester break~ that was the first time ever I'd to babysit my neice and nephew all by myself. Their mother just got a job as a receptionist in a hotel in town so I was fully in charge of the kids. When she was a housewife, I was only helping her out on some of the babysitting duty~


I'm the kind who would doze off after everybody went off to work to add some extra hours to my sleep before waking up to finish all chores that are left for me. But this habit was totally purged. As I was about to close my eyes, I could feel four tiny hands tickling my body.. And then two soft voices whispered on both ears saying


"Autny gg... We're hungry~" and there I was forcing myself out from the heavenly nest to fix the two lovely children their first meal of the day..



Not only that I have to sacrifice my sleep, but I was surprised how my general knowledge was tested by these kids. They're in the age where they would say whatever they like to say, and ask whatever they like to ask.. And since their questions are quite tricky and too creative, so we'll have to provide a creative answer too.. Or at least try~


It was during an Aidil Adha celebration at Mom's office and a guy who was carrying the cow's limb passed right in front of me and cheche..

Cheche : Eeewww.. What's that?
GG : That's the cow's leg.
Cheche : What's that black thing?
GG : That's the hoof..
Cheche : Like our foot?? Or like our shoe??
GG : *confuse* It's like our foot but because they don't have shoes so it is made harder. So.. you can say it's like a foot and at the same time it's the shoe~ <- LAME
Cheche : I'm not going to eat that~

I was in front of the TV watching a documentary about whales with Kimi.. I wanted to know whether Kimi really understand what the narrator was talking so I asked him some simple questions

"Wa!! Is that a giant fish??" "That's a whale~"
"Does it eat people??" "If you swim near it, it will eat you"
"It lives in the ocean or in the river??" "Ocean~ river is too small"

I was quite impressed with his answers although his tone was like "hish, itu pon nda tau ka aunty gg ni~?"

Then comes the killer quesion for me

"Aunty gg, why does the whale spray out the water from its head??"


Luckily I knew the answer fuuuuuh~ I used to have a series of books about animals so I happen to remember that small detail about the whale...


Aha! This also reminds me of this one occasion when I was a substitute teacher in a primary school in Labuan~ It was a science class in 2 ikhlas and the topic for that day was "SEED"


"Seed itu biji benih~ Siapa bole bagitau cikgu buah-buahan yang ada biji benih??"

"Durian!!" "Rambutan!!" "Jambu!!" "Ciku!!!"


Suddenly a student name Musa raised his hand to ask a question

GG : Musa ada soalan?

Musa : Cikgu kalau buah macam pisang tu kan tiada biji benih.. Macam mana lah kita mau tanam??


Haha I won't tell you what answer did I gave to that cute little boy~ My answer was definitely WRONG and PLAIN STUPID!!!!!

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