Bismillah...
STORY 1
I was waiting for my laptop to properly shut itself down when an acquaintance that I haven't seen for years passed in front of me, walking towards where the on call rooms are located. He stopped when I called his name, walked towards where I was sitting and we had a very brief catching up...
As he was about to leave, he asked what I was doing there with the pile of papers and laptop. I explained to him I was just killing time doing some of my work projects while waiting for the rounds to start.
"Why so rajin? Who are you doing this for?"
"Fisabilillah, brother..." I said, laughing.
"There's no such thing.. I was 'rajin' before, you know.. But then I realized there's no use to it. I was exhausting myself only to allow the rest (in my department) to relax.. So then I decided not to be 'rajin' anymore. And now, I'm happy.. So you shouldn't be so 'rajin' too.. Gaji same je babe!"
"So tell me... Now that you're not so 'rajin' anymore.. What do you do with your spare time then? Convince me! since you're telling me I shouldn't be 'rajin'"
"I do what others do lah!" laughing as he replied
"Aha! and what are those things? Tido kat oncall room? Gi gym? Escape?"
He laughed and started to walk away while waving his hands dismissing my questions.
"Remember,brother. FISABILILLAH!!!"
Yes, I can say those things to him because we graduated from the same university and I am the senior hahaha
STORY 2
That morning my bff first message to me was
"Have you ever feel like you hate your workplace so much.. Like it's meaningless.. Like you have no friends.."
I was not startled. I told her that was exactly how I felt when I decided that I needed a long break to find motivation again. It was not depression, I'm sure. It was just a transient blip in my self esteem.
STORY 3
The trainee turned up sharp at the promised time
"It's good that you've submitted your logbook early. In fact, yours is the earliest ever... But I need you to amend some stuffs. And please do me a favour... Help me stamp all your forms and I'll sign it later.." I instructed hurriedly.
After about 10 minutes, she came back into the room with everything done. I was surprised at how fast it was because there were hundreds of them to stamp. Other trainees would've submitted it on another day.
When she went back to her station that morning, I recalled on how she performed while under my supervision. I remembered, while she's not that smart type who can answer all questions, all tasks that were given to her was always ready before the due date. During our discussions, I noticed her lengthy colourful notes which proved that she has been extensively reading the topics prior to the session. I'm sure, if this girl continue with what she is currently doing, she is en route to somewhere great. She made me think about how I've been spending my time. Made me asked myself; have I been just busy or have I been productive like her?
*******
What I want to share in this post is actually the content of this
blog ; 5 tips to start self-improvement. For someone who sought motivational and inspirational readings on daily basis, of course the points are usually not something that I'm unfamiliar with. But I still love reading how different authors uniquely elaborate them in their own point of views. Plus, reading them again and again is like a reminder and an affirmation.
How does the blog post relate to the 3 stories?
Tip 2: Get a Mentor
Tip 3: Don't go at it alone
It's difficult to find someone who has the exact same goal as yours. But what's easy to find are people who crave for the sense of purpose, who love to produce excellence and never get tired of trying.
There was a period of loneliness when I felt that the people who was close to me at that time just don't get me. I felt like they were no longer relevant because we were not speaking the same language anymore. But then I was wrong. They are still and will forever be relevant in my life. We might not be like minded when it comes to our endeavors, but they are the source of my happiness, people I make memories with and those who never fail to tickle my funny bone. I figured it out that the people in one's journey varied in their roles. I don't just need those who can discuss ideas and inspire. In fact, those who kept me sane is even more important.
I learned that the like minded circle of the same field can be just anywhere in this world of advance technology. They don't have to be physically present to interact with. Mentors? I do have them, yes. They are those I looked up to in my career and they are my source of advice. Of course, to do that you should not feel shy to seek for advice. And I also have those people whom I share my ambitions with even though they're on a different field and definitely on a different course in life. We kept each other updated on how far we have progressed and we motivate each other to keep going no matter how difficult it may be.
Tip 5: Realize it's not going to be smooth
If I've dug deeper, I might have gotten the real reason why my junior have decided to stop being 'rajin'. Or perhaps he had thought he was walking a lonely road too and it has taken him nowhere other than being physically and mentally exhausted.
"The road to success is never easy" I was told just a few minutes ago by my good friend's mom.
(I stopped writing this to meet her outside my house to pass some stuffs and we went on talking about her son and daughter in law pursuing their masters)
And like what is mentioned in the post, there will be inner and also outer negative voices that will resist this change for the better. I think this is when a strong conviction from within is imperative to keep oneself on the right track especially if we're on a 'less traveled route'. And we can't stay on the route alone for too long but we should find or build our support system as we go.
And story 3..
Well, like I said, she made me thought a lot about what have I produced with the time I spent. That's when I realized that I was actually not aptly preparing for what I am aiming for. I thought I needed more time because I've not properly 'mold' myself. But then, come on, 9 years of service and still not ready? Will it take another 9 years to be ready or maybe until yaumul qiyammah perhaps?
Thanks to her, I decided to just dive into it and prepare myself as much as I can with the time I have left. Well, when you 'dive into it' there are of course sacrifices to be made but with this I learn to channel my energy and time to the things that are really really important to get the best of results everyday. I'm still trying to adapt and be disciplined. Semoga istiqomah~
Why I titled this as 'Disillusioned'... I was in a state of disillusioned for so long...
I was progressing but have I not reevaluated the whole thing, I wouldn't have realize that I could actually speed up a little bit...
Someone said to me that our hopes and dreams are not aligned thus we can't walk the path together. I pondered... Perhaps he preferred to sail solo while I believe in team work makes the dreams work. It's not a matter of having similar dreams, but it's how we work together and support to achieve each other's dreams. Like I mentioned earlier, the people who keep me sane are important. They might not be directly contributing to what I'm aiming for, but they are important in propelling me to my fullest potential.
So are you the same as me...? Lets get out of this disillusioned~ Together....
