The transition... And changes

Bismillah...

My friends and I have talked a lot about how we have changed over the years in the past few days... I happened to be in many places within this week that I met friends from school and university and we coincidentally talked about the same topic altogether; CHANGE...

I listened to what one of my BFF had to go through this year. Entirely different from what I faced last year but slightly similar in its on way. Last year, I was dealing with lost and some career shifts. Battled my way through to gain stability, get control of my life and become positive again. It's something that I prefer to call as my 'transition period' because when it's all finally over, I am (Alhamdulillah) totally fine today.

During the transition period, I realize, not all that are close to you will be there with you. That's when you can finally realize who love you solely for being that witty and carefree woman who is fun to be with and those who love you fully as an individual and stick around when you are at the lowest point in your life. It is absolutely normal to suddenly change into a grumpy person who has mood swings and pour all the burden in her life to the people she trust. That's what women do. They have to let it out~

One thing that I noticed was I did have all the solutions to my problems hovering in my temple but my mind was actually too shrouded by all the negative thoughts and tiredness that I can't direct the physical me to execute anything properly. And the hurdles that I have to deal with especially when it comes to people's attitude, response and expectations were making it even worst for me.. So I did confided my problems to the people I trust... And that's when you can see, who among the people you trust is there to raise you back to where you were or even higher or just want to run away from you because you've become this prick who keeps on complaining about the universe conspiring to pull her down...

From my point of view as the one who was being tested, I just wanted to pour it out. I just wanted a trustworthy person's shoulder to cry on. It is already very much helpful and soothing just to hear the person you trust respond with "You can get through this" or "I pray for you to be granted patience" or "If you need anything just tell me" or "I understand". I didn't expect bombastic ideas that works magic. The least that I needed was a pair of ears that listen. That's all. And it was ludicrous when some responded with "Kahwin la GG," which simply can be translated into "You should have a spouse to share this with instead of sharing this with me", right?


What I'm trying to say, it's the 'transition period' that is the toughest. It's that period when multiple things in your life start to change simultaneously and you have to figure out how to incorporate all these changes into what already exist in your life, your routine. It's the time when you have to constantly do 'trial and error' until you figure out what works. Best of all, this is when we actually GROW exponentially without we realizing it..

I'm truly blessed with family and best friends who understood what I went through although there were some who drifted away from my life with their own reasons. My family was very supportive and we changed for the better after the great lost of one of our beloved. We appreciate each others' presence more than before realizing that any of us could 'leave' at any time without warning.

My best of friends were very mature in handling my breakdowns. There are moments when we entirely give time to listen to each others' problems and then rejoice our hearts by filling each other with pleasant updates and activities.

It was hard but I could feel how it changed me... Hopefully for the better lah!

The next time when a good friend come to you, complaining about the hardships she is going through, she is not trying to drag you into her problem.. It is because you have proved to her as a trustworthy person among all the people she knew. Don't ever break that trust... Ever~

"Ujian itu indah jika ia membawa kita hampir kepada Sang Pencipta.."

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The Heart....

Bismillah...

The heart is created being a delicate and a dynamic structure of the body. In school, I was taught that it was made of strains of muscles that has four compartments and whose function is to pump blood into the lungs and then back to the entire body when the blood is already fed with oxygen....

The heart shape symbolizes the feeling of love and affection although some argue that all of the feelings actually originate from the mind.

Although I am somewhat more of a 'science person' in regards of what I do for a living, I am very much inclined to accept that all sort of feelings is felt by the heart rather than being a state of mind....

For the past few months, I've been trying to deliberately prompt it to have a change to what it is fond to, to what it is drawn to but to no avail. Sometimes it is very confusing of how it is constantly reminded of someone who is so distant, someone whom I had very little pleasant moments together but nonetheless still very significant to the heart.. "What is wrong with you heart?" I asked sometimes

There are many things I wish I had an answer to but I guess this is the beauty of our story; the mysteries I failed to unfold. But I know the right thing to do is to avoid from making things become complicated. That is to keep my distance... To know my boundaries... To steadfastly hold to my values and beliefs. And in my attempt to do so, I found that this is not an easy path. This journey needs me to be strong because the heart sometimes don't listen to what you're asking it to do~

"When circumstances contradict to our wants,
And our values and beliefs are the only things that we can cling to,
The only way to endure and thrive is to jive with uncertainty,
And patiently wait for the unexpected to happen..."


Sometimes.. I do have the "If only I..." moments but I know those were only the whispers of man's greatest adversary. Admittedly, there are times I wished I'd been bolder or more approachable or sweeter or more flirtatious.. But... No... Not for this one... Not this time... Not anymore...

I'd made a promise years ago, that I will never associate myself into something that will compromise my love towards my Creator and His messenger...

"Do not even come close to zina.."

I've been in one relationship before and no, it doesn't bring me closer to Allah... It drifted me away further and further although gradually, I was not getting closer... I observed those who are in love around me who has yet to establish marriage... As they stare into each others' eyes pensively, fingers interlocking... I thought, "No, this is not what I want..."

And when I saw messages coming in.. Asking out for dinner.. Hanging out.. Or just checking me out.. No, this is not what I want either.. Because, although these men might not have bad intentions, but I think it is best to avoid. Adultery and fornication don't just happen in this society I'm living in. Things like one night stand is out of the norm. It happens when one falls for the lies of the greatest adversary who have been patiently persuading the heart..

"Reply his message.."
"He is a good man.. Going out with him is no harm.."
"He didn't touch your hands intentionally.."
"No one will know if you become intimate with him.. Nobody sees the two of you.."

That is why the message is such that we are not to come close to anything that could lead us to zina... And I'm still struggling...

I'm off to where I'd spent my time for the first time and the last with him tomorrow.. In hope that I can collect my heart where I left it off last October. I have to move on.... I have to let him go... And I have to give way to another who is capable of giving his heart in return... Who can't live seeing me with someone else except him... I guess you can live with that, he-who-doesn't-know...

I pray for the best for both of us...

********When I started writing this, I was actually missing him so much. To an extend I asked Allah "What is this, ya Allah? If he is not who You destined for me, please let this go away..."

And guess what, the next day, I found him in a place where I don't expect him to be. I don't see it as a sign or anything. I just think that is to heal what I felt the night before (^^) I'm happy to see him, anyway. Walaupon perasaan itu bercampur malu. Sometimes, you just look at the one you want, and when it is not meant for you, then you start thinking, Allah has better plans for both of us....******

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Praying for MH370

Bismillah...

Currently, the whole nation and perhaps the whole world is fogged with sadness by the lost of MH370.. I've been an ardent follower to latest updates of the missing aircraft for the past two weeks although I've not been too eager  to manifest that on facebook. I was driving towards a diner when I heard that the Prime Minister was going to make an important announcement at 10 pm on the 23rd March. I rushed home after I gobbled up all the food that I ordered in much haste; I didn't want to miss it! And there he was, our respected Prime Minister, announcing in his solemn voice that investigators have confirmed that the aircraft ended at the southern part of the Indian Sea...

Upon hearing that, I just can't contain myself. Tears start to well on  the brim of my eyes, I walked into my room and start to weep. O I know how it feels to lose someone all of a sudden and it is still fresh although it's going to be a year in two months or so. It must have been harder for the affected families of the crews and passengers with the mystery of the whereabouts of the aircraft, with the various speculations going around and accusations of irresponsible people that relates this  incidence to political interest and whatnot.. It is just so disappointing that some parties are just insensitive to the feelings of the affected people... Nda faham aku~


So in this post, I would like to deliver my deepest condolence to the affected families. I hope they are given strength to accept the reality. The whole world is praying for those who perished; may they be in peace in the other world and be in Allah's mercy at all times. We Muslims believe and Qada and Qadr. And for everything that happens, Allah is so merciful that no matter how hard it is to face His test, there will always be something good to it one day, inshaAllah. And I would like to share this quote that I always use to console myself; it is okay to cry when we can't bear the sadness for every tears that falls in patience will bring about rewards in the Hearafter, inshaAllah.


Looking at people's various response to the two tragic incidents in two consecutive years is, honestly, can be distressing. There is much noise especially in social media; of rants, of hatred, of conjectures... Some theories are so absurd that I have no idea just how people are inclined to even believe them. Then I found this from one of the blog that I recently followed, which in a way explains how absurd lies can turn into something presumed truthful..

"Noise drowns the voice of truth. As more and more noise fills the internet, it gets harder for anyone to sort out the good from the bad.
Secondly, noise gives credibility to falsehood. When a lie gets circulated enough, it ceases to be a lie and  instead gets upgrade to the status of truth."

And then I had a conversation with a best friend and she asked, "Do you think this is what is meant by the signs of qiyammah? You know.. Fitnaa everywhere.. The media being the source of Fitnaa and it spread so widely..."
"Yup, this might be it. Who knows~"

Ya... There are times when we forget to consider the impact of our behaviour. We slide our index finger on the glossy touch-screen, saw an interesting post, read through it and feel the rush of adrenaline in our veins to have read such a sensational thing. "Ah! This is share-worthy," And 'thump!', index finger on the share tab. How harmful could that be? It could be destructive especially to the minds and emotions...

We have seen so many lies spread over the internet. What I can't understand,  after being lied so many times, why are the same people in my friend list still do the same thing again and again...??? Nda faham~

Anyway...

In the times of turbulence (even though we are not directly affected), in respect to those who are affected, we should be more mindful with our words and the things that we spread over the internet. Lets be those who shares positivity and be the kind who give the affected families strength instead of more sorrow...

And it is sad to see how this tragedy is used as a substance to bash the country's governance and Islam. Bad things happen everywhere and it is inevitable. When it happens, it happens~ I just think it's unfair to highlight this tragedy as a prove of 'incompetency' of the current government because it is clear that a lot of effort are being put to resolve it just as it was for last year's Sulu invasion... Some people are just weird and thought they know better and have better ideas than anyone else on earth... Well, as far as I see it, the ones at work are those who are being bashed. While the ones who are so eager criticizing sleep soundly in the comforts of their homes after leaving much harsh words online....


We can't do much as a normal citizen, can we? But mind you, our prayers are powerful, inshaAllah :)

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