Nov 16, 2013

Healing...

Tonight is my last night in Tasmania... Literally surrounded by darkness because the rest have retired earlier because we have to catch an early flight tomorrow..

Since we returned from Europe in mid June, life have gotten more hectic than ever.. I was very much battered by the reality of losing Nuyui... Pressure in work place... Losing friends over the smallest matter... Coping with my stiff left knee which seem to recover very slowly.. Yes, I occupied my time with lots of activities to keep tears from falling but life has been very very very disorganized...

It's good that we have this trip planned earlier.. I really needed this getaway.. I really need to have this time where I could just be away from everything familiar and the routine... Away from whatsapp, even.. I dont only find the connection to Allah on the prayer mat, no.. I also feel very close to Him when I am outdoor, surrounded by nature.. Standing on top of a mointain, realizing His Greatness from looking all the small things that lie beneath me which are in His control.... Walking inside a cave realizing what treasures are kept hidden... MashaAllah...

We have 5 more days.. I hope everything will go well, as planned.. Ameen

This is how I start anew... From seeing the beauty His creations... Because this makes me realize, I am part of the universe who has a role to play.. Who is created to keep the world in balance so as other creatures... No matter how hard life gets, this is how it should be... Because at the end of it all, I wont be the same person anymore.. I will be the person I should be...

Be strong, Haziah... And I must always remember there are people with greater tests than me....

I'm not weak... I just need time to heal and be strong again.. Losing Nurul is too painful.... But I'm glad I'd learnt letting someone else go too.... :)

Semoga di penghujung cerita ini, kita semua akhirnya bahagia..InshaAllah..

Nov 5, 2013

Travel mode switched on!

No matter how much I care for you.... One thing that I should care more of is my heart...

No matter how bad I want to be there for you... I won't, if you don't need me to...

They told me this is the right time... But I am not an opportunist...

My care for you and my care for that other person should no be mixed... If they are, aku takut ikhlas itu hilang...

I'll be leaving on a jet plane for a long time.. I hope this is the right time to move on even though the place I'm going will remind of you too...

I'm letting you go.... so, please don't come back~ I'm tired....

Bismillah.... pengembaraan bermula dalam tempoh 72 jam!!!!!!!!!!! (^^)/

Nov 4, 2013

..... NUMB .....

Sesungguhnya aku telah memalukan diri ku sendiri dengan membiarkan post jiwang itu bertahan di atas untuk sekian lama...

I'd started writing about my Eurotrip but I've been too busy with work to have time to finish any of them... And we are about to embark on another adventure in 5 days. This time back to the South.. I'm very excited but then something happened that I'm quite emotionally affected right now...

"If only I could tell you that it breaks my heart..."

This has nothing to do with 'cintaku yang bertepok sebelah tangan'.. I could always cope with that...

What breaks me is when I sensed something is not right.. Believed my instinct, tried to reach out and failed.. And it breaks me when what I feared turned into reality.. And even worse than what I'd imagined.. I know I tried.. But still it breaks me...

What breaks me is when I heard that croaked voice at the end of the line.. Saying "Aku tak ok.." and I can't do as much as I wanted to because I am nobody.. And now the voice echoes in my head along with the image of a cheerful familiar face.. They just don't match.. Thus it breaks me...

When you are nobody, there is nothing much you can do.. No matter how much you actually care.. You don't feel like you're in a position that could give daily phone calls because you know in the end you wouldn't know what to say because it breaks your heart to hear that solemn voice...

Thus.. I can only offer my sincere prayers for both of them... And help with what I could behind this desk.. Biarlah rahsia....