Bismillah...
This is the view as I was having these thoughts...
When someone said about wishing to achieve a smooth sailing life, I was confused of how can that even be possible. How can life be smooth sailing? Human will always be tested...
But to think of it... Perhaps what I have is a 'smooth sailing' life afterall....
I started to gradually realize this when my response to failure was NO RESPONSE . I was not in the verge of giving up nor all fired up for the next move. Then I recalled, when did I ever fail...? Fine.. I failed my N4 JLPT and that was my first ever failure in an exam at 32 years old. There were areas in life when I really had to put a fight but eventually I always won the battle after going through the blood, sweat and tears.
I failed to advance to the next stage of my scholarship application, and yes I was not disheartened at all!
I was startled by how I reacted. After that, I lied down with my eyes closed. Started to ask myself how badly do I want this? I recalled all the challenges and dismay that my friends faced as they went through the process. They eventually got what they want most and all the difficulties felt worth it at the end.
I then rose from bed, switched on my laptop and booked for an IELTS exam. I needed another thing to look forward to so I could keep going. And it was during my mindlesss browsing after that that I came across my 'ideal' institute of learning, a place I wanted to be most, in a field I'm most passionate about but I've set aside the idea because the course that I wanted was not listed in the scholarship.
Could this failure be a blessing in disguised?
Is Allah trying to lead me to my passion rather than let me settle into something that I don't wholeheartedly wanted?
Haih.. Seriously I can't believe I'm literally struggling to be preserver because I always had it 'easy' (in academic)
\\(",) Ya Allah, give me steadfastness in my journey to gain knowledge and success. Ameen....
"You're meant for bigger things, Haziah"
Said one of the first person to know about the unpleasant news. Haha I remember he made a face expression when I told him what course I was applying for the scholarship so I kind of get the message from the encouragement.....
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