1441 Resolutions

Bismillah....

I'm supposed to switch on the laptop and start on either my presentation slides or my article on HIV. But then, I feel like writing something on my blog hahaha

"The purpose of this glorious life is not simply to endure it, but to soar, stumble and flourish as you learn to fall in love with existence, We were born to live my dear not to merely exist" - Becca Lee


One of the best things in being a Muslim is that you get to celebrate two New Years every year and that means you get to make two New Year's resolutions each year too. While some people might not believe in resolutions, I find making resolutions set a firm foundation for the things that I want to achieve on that particular year. Those who know me well know that when I put my mind to something, I will most likely be able to achieve it and that could be as trivial as being compliant to my Fish Oil supplement hahaha


The beautiful sunset above was captured during my run yesterday; a magnificent sight that marks the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. Just a quick fact, the Hijri calendar was initiated by the 2nd Caliph, Umar al-Khattab. His reign was one of the most triumphant in the Islamic history and during his ruling he needed an efficient and standardized system to accurately regulate and record transactions and also record history. He gathered notables, discussed the matter and finally came out with the Hijri calendar. Obviously, I was busy taking in the beauty of yesterday's sunset that the echoing Quranic verse recitation from the mosque behind me didn't trigger me to utter the end of year and the new year du'a. I went to search what's the implication of that and could it be done later. That's when I learned that the practice is actually an 'innovation'. So, yeah, I was saved~ Alhamdulillah hahaha

I've mentioned in one of my post before that I currently feel like I'm stuck in an environment that impedes my growth. Every day feels like a time loop; standing for hours listening to unfocused discussion and repetitive stories while you actually have many tasks lined up to be settled in what limited time you have left. New ideas and suggestions are being dismissed and worst, ridiculed. Even when you have solid evidence in your hands, that will not help you. And one thing I despise most is when this person start to scorn all those that obviously have achieved more than he did. I can't help but think that he has a full package of attributes that will lead to the grievous of failures!

Pardon my negativity please... Hahaha

It's overwhelming that my thoughts are constantly shrouded by pessimistic thinking. Like,

 "What's the point of me spending money and working hard to learn more when I'm working with someone who always think he is the only one that's right even when he is on the wrong..."

But then, it suddenly dawned on me that I should focus on my own intention in gaining more knowledge. Who is it really for? Who will benefit from it? And am I delivering to only one person all this while...? It's really easy to be blinded when you're only looking at the dark side. The prompt answer to the last question is a BIG NO.

So for this new year, I resolve to just ignore the insolent figure.
I lose nothing from not being heard or appreciated by one person. I will focus on materializing my masterpieces in my own way and in my own time. People who are not use to doing things in excellence can never understand the value of the process....

I'm not the type who burn bridges.. To me, every single encounter and relationship should be cherished no matter how brief it was. However, in some circumstances, letting go of something or even someone is inevitable...

20's was a decade that was more of fooling around and thriving towards frivolous goals like 30 countries before turning 30.. Which was achieved hahaha Although my 20s wasn't that bad nor wasn't that wasted, I intent to make the 10 years of my 30s an even better one. As you get older, it's unavoidable to shoulder more and more responsibilities. This actually ensued while my 30s was approaching and that's when I feel I should take life more seriously and fulfill my obligations in the finest possible way. For that, I had to adopt some changes especially how I prioritize things in life and that was also the time when I learned the art of 'letting go'.

With what I'm aiming to accomplish these days, I can't afford to have distractions.

If I were to have a man by my side, he is to be someone that will propel me to the stratosphere as I would do the same for him. He is to be someone I could work as a team with and there should be an equal give and take, treating each other with the equal amount of love, care, honesty and respect. And one thing for sure, if it's not going to be something that last forever, it definitely is not a battle that I should be a part of because I have other battles with a more purposeful causes to get through.... I won't be able to get through them with an additional unnecessary emotional interruption..

Yes, this Hijri new year, I finally found the willpower to let go....

"Are you just another lesson or is it really 'you'?"... And I've figure out the answer to that too...

So for this 1441 Hijri, my main goal would be to remain focus on the growth that I've been seeking, dodge all the negative voices that rings in my head and let go of the things that could potentially weigh me down...

Life is never promised to be easy.. But that what makes it beautiful..
And I have too many things to be grateful of... (^^)

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Du'a....

Bismillah....

The above is where I'm writing this post; inside my rather luxurious room in Putrajaya.

Just yesterday my friends and I were talking about Neelofa's beautiful du'a that she shared in a program called Naura Shares. I don't know anything about that program until they mentioned it yesterday. We were discussing about how specific her du'a was on asking for guidance and rizq  (sustenance). Well, we knew about the du'a on jodoh (soulmate) and actually Neelofa requested for that part not to be recorded but today that made the headlines and it's widely shared across social media. 

Your Lord has said, "Pray to Me for I shall answer your prayers. Those who are too proud to worship me will soon go to hell in disgrace" (Verse 40:60)

I think it's good to share du'a. Some people don't know that besides the du'a  in the Al Quran and those that are taught by the scholars, you can actually design your own du'a, some people don't know that you can recite it in your own language other than Arabic, don't know when are the best times to make du'a etc. I find that sharing du'a can give others some ideas of what else to ask from Allah because I do have friends who told me that they already have everything that they want in life and don't feel like asking anything else. Honestly, I can't relate to that at all because I think du'a is my private 'conversation' with Allah. To me it's not only about asking for something that you want, it's a way to seek for forgiveness, a mean of expressing your gratitude and supplication should be a continuous process.

In this post, I will share mine. Not the exact words, but basically what I ask from Allah in my  prayers. And honestly, most of them are inspired by others who shared with me their dua's and I was like "Oh! Why didn't I think of that?". And yes, I was told many many years ago, be specific in your du's and here goes...

My du'a starts with asking forgiveness for myself, my parents, my family, my friends and the ummah.

I read somewhere that you should start with yourself but I don't know why I can't follow that and will start with my parents...

I know I can never repay them for what they've done to me, ever. I owe them so much that I only have my du'a as my biggest gift for them in this world and for the hereafter. I ask Allah to have mercy on them, to give them good health, excellence in deeds and ibadah, the status of husnul mukminin and mukminah and may they be steadfast in the path of Allah until their last breath. As we grow, we realize our parents are humans too, who are also imperfect like the rest of us thus I ask for these.

And then for the whole family.. I ask for love and unity, for patience during hard times and may we continue to be grateful servants during good times. I ask for knowledge that will bring us closer to Allah. I ask for sufficient sustenance that are full of barakah (blessings) and to ease us from worldly debt. I also ask for continuous guidance in His path and not let any of us go astray.

Although for myself is later, but actually I ask A LOT!

I ask for good akhlaq (manners/attitude) and strong aqidah (conviction). I ask for ikhlas (sincerity) in my deeds and ask for Allah to prevent me from riya' (ostentation). Other than asking for guidance, I ask Allah to make me find lessons in my daily encounters that will remind me of Him and I ask to be protected from anything that will drift me further from His path. I ask for good grasp of knowledge, good memory to retain knowledge and for me to use my knowledge to enjoin good and not for something that does harm.

Like Neelofa, I admit that I also pray for 'jodoh' but it's nothing like asking to meet 'The One' pronto~ I started praying for my 'jodoh' many many years ago when I was still studying when an Ustazah point out that this is important because you're going to share your life with this person. In my du'a I specifically mention the traits and the qualities that I want (not to be mentioned here) and actually I always ask may I meet this person when we are truly ready for this amanah (obligation).

Just to share my experience.. When I was once faced with a complicated relationship situation, I prayed every single day asking for a good ending (pengakhiran yang baik). I was very specific when I asked for that; I want an ending that makes everybody happy, and that leads to more blessings and rewards for everybody. And mashaAlah, it was granted...Alhamdulillah...

And not so recently, maybe since last year or maybe since I turned 30, besides asking how I want him to be like, I also ask Allah to make me a good spouse to that person, to his family and I ask for me to be  someone who is also good for his religion as he would be to me. 

I also will ask for forgiveness for loved ones that are no longer here in this world. I hope it reaches them where ever they are.


And finally du'a for the ummah. I encounter many social issues among the Muslims that are against the teachings of Islam in my day to day job. You know they said, the weakest of Iman is to detest a wrong doing with one's heart. I always tried my best not to judge and focused on my role whenever  I'm faced with such situation.  Not being able to preach then and there when I was sitting with them used to give me a lot of guilt for not being a good sister who reminds them to be closer to Allah. But then, it was also imperative to gain their trust, keep them coming back to me, make them feel I'm someone that they can openly confide to and eventually help improve their treatment outcome. So I guess du'a for the ummah is my next powerful tool.


I ask for Allah to always give us guidance.. For those who are still on His path to remain firm and undeterred. And those who have gone astray, may they one day find their way back to Allah. I ask for peace and harmony. For protection of those who are tested with war and famine. I ask for Allah to grant them patience and strength and may those give them an even bigger reward in the Hereafter.


You see, one of people's misconception about unmarried women like me is that we devote our lengthy prayer asking for a soulmate. People speculate that unmarried women go for umrah to cry in front of Kaabah asking for soulmate hahaha I do have friends who think that life hasn't begun for them if they have yet to find their soulmate. They see that as an ultimate goal in life and would feel less like a person until they find him. It's their knight in shining armor that will make them live happily ever after....

But some unmarried women actually realize that marital status does not decide whether you are going to heaven or hell. Some women are ordained to not play the role as a wife or a mother in this world but yet they actually have the equal rights to enter Jannah with the roles that they are meant to play. One woman may enter Jannah for being a good wife and a loving mother, and a single woman who during her life have channeled her energy for her family and the betterment of the ummah will attain the same. Allah is the Most Just...

We ask things that are important to us from Allah so every person's dua is unique..
It all depends on what legacy we want to leave behind and who we want to present ourselves to the Creator when it's our time to return...
As long as we are breathing, live and never stop communicating with Allah...

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I'm human too...

Bismillah...

Sometimes I worry too much about being unkind to anyone at all...
I'll try my best not to hurt anyone's feeling...
I'll try my best if I can be of any assistance...

But I start to realize...
To entirely walk away in certain situation might not be unkind after all...
The person you're walking away from might not feel anything at all too...
And best of all...

You are being kind to yourself...

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Book Review: My Name Is Hasmah

Assalamualaikum loyal readers...

Lol.. Ada ka jugak loyal readers lagi blog ni? But, yeah, although the traffic is not staggeringly high, the viewers are still there hahaha Thank you for reading, whoever you are. For the past few years, I haven't shared much about personal affairs in this blog like I used to. I guess as you get older, you cherish privacy even more. I've always tried to be vague in the past but these days I just share what I think other people can try out rather than pouring too much emotion. I also start to love printing out pictures of my activities and make scrapbooks rather than doing that 'massive upload' thingy on my social media like I used to in my 20's. Maybe one day I can share on that too although my scrapbooks are not that 'TREMENDOUS' hahaha

I'm not feeling well right now. Besides working for 7 hours this morning, the rest of the day was spent sleeping on my bed. So I decided to at least write something to make tonight a bit more productive. I used to log all my books into Goodreads but the app was so unstable back then so I stopped. Now, I post what I read on IG to keep track on how many books I've read in a year, which is also not a number I can be proud of LOL.

'My Name Is Hasmah' was actually recommended by my bff DA. She asked to look for it at Sabah 1st ever BBW after reading good reviews about the book. Well, I didn't find it there and finally she bought it at Popular and got a 20% rebate. She kept on texting me of how much she enjoyed every single content that I was pressured to rush to Popular on the same week to get my copy. And yes I love it so much that I too have been telling everybody to get this biography hahaha.

The memoir went back in time to as far as when she was just a child to her as a former Prime Minister's wife (because the book was first published in 2016). As a child she was raised to love seeking knowledge and to be very deeply rooted to culture and religion. She lived through war, had to stop school and find other things to fill her time. Despite that, she still manage to pursue her study in medicine and later become a very dedicated doctor.

Her commitment in fulfilling her duties as one of the first female doctor is inspirational. She drove alone to rural areas to give service and also educate villagers on the importance of hygiene and sanitation. She also went all out to educate families the importance of family planning and also work hard to convince people to accept vaccination. I get to experience the gravel road from Menumbok to KK when I was a child; it was a whole day journey. I can't imagine how bad the road condition must be back in the 50s and 60s when she was actively doing all those things. She even had an accident once!

Of course, I was all dreamy when it comes to her love story with Tun M hahaha At this age, you'll be wise enough to know that the reality of a relationship is not all roses. It's the mixture of the sweet and the bitter, staying faithful and being strong together during tough times makes the bond stronger. Tun M is not the type who shows affection in the public but has his own ways to express his love to Tun Hasmah. Their love story is not about grand gestures but the small simple things that shows true love in consistency. Hahaha in conformation with my idea of romance. Like if one is willing to do something that's against her nature, trust me man, she loves you with all her heart!

Reading the book to the end feels like reading a letter of advice from a grandmother. Telling you to play your role well and to perform all your duties with excellence. To live is not about what the world has to offer to you, but what you have to offer to the world. Tears fell on my cheeks while reading her last note... She feels like there are still something that Tun M and her have to do in this world to have stayed this long while most of their friends are already gone.... 

They already lived a such purposeful life and still refuse to sit back and relax...

Makes you think of your own...

And yeah.. I'll keep on wishing to get a life partner like Tun M, who understands that a woman can stand side by side with her husband and be great together.. Sigh~

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Adulting II

A friend suggested to me that this should be a permanent post on my IG but I choose to put this on my blog instead.. 

When you finally found a person whose feelings matters above all else...

And it doesn't matter if you'll ever hear

 'I LOVE YOU' in return... 

You've truly found your 'Kryptonite' 

Have courage to move forward... 

And let what's meant for you find you 😊

Point no 3.

"You dont force love" 

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Tabin Wildlife Resort: 28-30 June 2019

Bismillah...

Audits will forever be taxing. Especially when the requirements are FOREVER impossible to achieve. I always wonder why can't those who created them think of things that are more practical and useful rather than just documents that prove you did your work. Some people are very good at creating presentable documentations while in reality suck at doing their job. And logically, those who focuses on their work will not have the time to beautify their documents because they are too busy completing and perfecting their duty... I'll score people who manage to fill 3 redundant documents ZERO if I'm the auditor LOL

Anyway, this trip was not purposely planned post audit. We were lucky that the auditors decided to come before the trip so most of us were working our ass off preparing for the audit for weeks and didn't have time to check on the trip prior to going. I was lucky to have been audited last year. And since the checklist was the same, so I didn't have to prepare much; not from scratch that is. But I didn't get perfect score either. Like I said, it's FOREVER IMPOSSIBLE!

Okay back to the trip. I didn't know much when I decided too sign up LOL I just thought it sounds fun so why not. Nothing much can be found in Google either. The reviews in TripAdvisor were mostly a perfect 5 star so I thought this will definitely be something that I will enjoy.

I opted to go to LD by bus. The flight ticket fare was actually affordable; ~RM 299. By bus, it was RM 109 return ticket. Saved RM 190 there! makes you feel you've made a smart decision hahaha

 Plus, I thought the schedule was convenient. The bus departed at around 8.30 pm from KK and arrived around 4.00 am the next morning. The journey was comfortable and I would say the driver had a good taste of music! I can't sleep because I didn't want to miss any song in the playlist hahaha.

And also, it was not like the bus ride that makes your body feel sore when you arrive.

The bus did several stops: once for toilet break at a petrol station, once for a half an hour stop for meal and the rest were for the drivers to smoke at the side of the road LOL

I thought that was okay and that actually ensures safety. The drivers need their breaks. I myself will lose my concentration if the drive is too long. It must be even harder to concentrate at night.

The longest break was somewhere in Telupid. One thing that I thought was unique was the place had different toilets for 'different business' LOL 

The door was labeled with 'Buang air besar' and 'Buang air kecil'

None of them were vacant when I got there so I was very curious of what was the difference between the two. When someone finally got out of the 'Buang air kecil room', we peeked to see how is it inside and saw there was no toilet bowl. Just a small hole on the floor where liquid will drain through.

It was raining when we reached LD. We were lucky to get the last 2 rooms at Fajar Hotel. The Deluxe room cost us RM 110 per room. The room was spacious and had all the basic amenities. The restaurant next to it served good food too!

Our meeting point with the rest of the group was at the airport where the tour operator office is located. There, we were required to fill in a form which was for the permit and insurance. 

And later we were brought to a restaurant for lunch. That was when we start to suspect that it was going to be a somewhat luxurious getaway because the restaurant was a very decent type and the food was unexpectedly a lot!

Tabin was about an hour and a half drive from town. Nothing much to see on the way there. Just palm oil plantations... Too me, it was such a sore sight huhuhu Kesian all the wildlife that have lost their homes because of that... SOBS

Our next surprise was our room! hahaha

Well, it's not uncommon to pay RM500-ish in Sabah for outdoor activities. And usually the accommodation will either be dorm type with shared bathrooms and toilets or if it's the single room type, it will be very very basic like the walls won't even be painted type of room hahaha

But this one is TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NK and I were screaming with joy and we were like kids moving around the room checking what else is available. The room is air conditioned, towels provided and changed daily and it has hot shower!!!

And next... THE FOOOOODDDD.....

During the briefing we were given this piece of paper that has the schedule as well as rules and regulations on it. We were like, "Makan 5 kali sehari???"

It was really hard to believe until it really happen.. So the above is how a typical meal looks like there in Tabin. This was our dinner on the 2nd night and trust me the food was delicious!!!!!

 The 5 meals were,

Light breakfast

Breakfast

Lunch

Afternoon tea time

Dinner

Not your typical jungle getaway, NO!

The first activity was going to the mud volcano. We used this truck and then had to walk around 700m to the mud volcano. Not tiring at all hahahaha

The area is not that big and there was only one puddle that continuously produce small bubbles (puddle ka namanya tu hahaha)

Most of the area were dried and cracked. AF mistakenly stepped on a soft spot and got trapped there for several minutes. His senior went for the rescue while the rest of us played with mud LOL

I never like to dirty myself.. That's one of the reason why I don't enjoy gardening because I dislike having dirt stuck inside my nails..

So when we were there, I was being very careful and made sure that the mud was evenly spread on my face ONLY and not to be in contact with any surface of my shawl or my other clothing LOL

But then PE noticed that I was too clean and then suddenly I became the victim of a mud attack.

They were throwing mud as if it was snow! Luckily the mud was soft enough not to cause concussion when it hits the head hahaha

That night we went for our first night Safari. I missed the Leopard Cat that night because it already ran into the bushes when I turned to look. 

But the best part of that night was the cloudless starry sky!

The only light pollution was from the truck's headlights and also the guide's spotlight so it was very beautiful...

There were so many fireflies flying around the trees and their blinking lights add to the beauty

The second day was even more relaxing. We had a short morning walk after light breakfast and when for a dip at the waterfall after the 'real' breakfast.

I decided to just sit at the bank and silently take in the moment. Well, it was not silent at all because the rest were laughing and screaming in the water lol

We were at the waterfall until it was about lunchtime and after that we were free to have our own activities. Some of us went to play cards, some doze off the whole afternoon. Me, I had a short nap and spent most of the afternoon reading my book.

The picture above was taken when we were waiting for the sun to set and then start with our second night safari. It was a long wait until we finally found an animal which was a Leopard cat strutting nonchalantly on the gravel road as if our presence was nothing to him. One brave Leopard cat and such valor is to be honoured because his bravery gave us the chance to appreciate this wildlife up close!

It was free and easy on our last day.

We were actually awakened by the noise of a group of monkeys looking for food outside. 

We went to the restaurant to check on the light breakfast and later played chess at this balcony

As a wrap, we did this mud hand print cert!

I think this one is very unique.

I would say yes if I have the chance to go again.

Such a relaxing excursion (^^)

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