180311 Jalan jalan

I've been all stressed out throughout the clinical rotation. Literally had some bouts of anxiety episodes in which I woke up during the witching hour with this weird and somewhat nerdy tendency to grab on the Clinical Practice Guidelines that I was told to finish. Luckily, I survived and is still independent of tranquilizers... So actually this recent trip to KL was yet another excuse to escape the hustle and bustle of the hospital life...



It was Adi Asraf's wedding that I'd attended. We opted to ride a train to go there and our journey was of course not without drama.. That morning, we missed the first ETS train to Perak and had to wait for the slow-and-no-announcement train instead. All of us (Mar, Eqa, Mida and me) were actually so sleepy but Mida and I end up chatting all the way to Perak. We'd noticed all the stations in which the train had stopped until the sight of the mountains came into view. That was when our voice suddenly raised in excitement and it was like as if we were sealed in this invisible sphere that disconnect us from the real world..

Suddenly we heard Eqa calling our names. Both of us jubilantly looked at her; still excited with the recollection of memories of the mountains. With her eyes half-opened, she croaked "Woit, tengok kat luar stesen ape.." The train was already moving when we saw the sign board "Kampar" and Mida and I was like "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

We manage to reach the wedding but of course off schedule. Ate Kuew Teoy, nasi campor and ice cream, took pictures and off we went. At the train station, we revised on the list of names of our classmates who'd married. Quite a lot already that the list needed two pairs of hands there and many are coming at the end of this year.

This is the picture of the ETS. Very comfortable indeed and most conveniently afforded with announcement of each coming station by this mellow voice of a woman.

The time passed so fast that day.. I really miss the times we had in UIA..
(wow.. that actually rhymes hehe)

On Sunday, I'd coaxed Shifaa to meet us in OU. I actually wanted to go to Camp5 to get a pair of brand new, high quality climbing shoes. I finally decided to try out this Saltic brand which was kind of foreign to me. And currently, I'm quite obsses with my new climbing shoes because it is just so freakin' comfortable!!!!! hehe It's just the yellow colour that's not in my favourite list though..

Stayed at Mida's place on my third night there. Shopped a bit in Wangsa Walk with Mida constantly professing of how she is shocked with my unprecedented frugality. Grabbed this amazing book... I'll have this book's review posted soon.

And the final drama of this trip was when I for the FIRST time ever, MISSED MY FLIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! huhu But never mind.. There's always hikmah in disguised of every mishap.. And I immediately detect the hikmah for this one.. I met this fella in the pic that very day (^^)
This fella was in my wishlist and all this while, I thought I'll never see it in front of my eyes my whole life....

The End~

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Bila mau kawen

The "Bila mau kawen?" question is pouring on me like raindrops during the monsoon season.. I have no idea at all of how all the people around me are seem to be so united and unanimous in torturing me with such question...

My "InshaAllah tahun depan" scheme that I created last year could be the reason why the 'attack' is intensified this year.. D**N IT!!!! What a collateral damage!!!!!

So I created another scheme..

"Kawen??? Lambat lagi.. Susah la nak cari yang rajin, jarang ada dekat rumah and banyak duit.."

Hahaha! I always manage to make people's jaw drop with this answer. One of my friend spontaneously blurt, "O my God!!! You are so not ready to get married!!!!". And usually people would just shake their heads in disbelief and dismiss the topic.. Voilla!!!!!!!!!


But honestly, I don't really mean what I said of course. It's just a trick to get away from all the free of charge lecture entittle 'Marriage and its benefits' or 'List of the reasons why you should marry now!" which often last for at least 15 minutes. I just can't stand it...

Like I said before, I don't even have any specific attributes that I want in a guy. Over time, I will finally meet someone who is just perfect for me.

And you know what I really despise of all the things related to this pestering marriage topic?? It's when people urge me to FIND someone.. Cari CaRi CARI~ Oh common.. If I do found someone I'm fond of, could I actually ask him to marry me???? Ok, maybe I could.. But tell me, what's the percentage that I might succeed?? (the effect of reading too many journals.. obsessed with figures..)

Instead of CARI, I think when it comes to USAHA, DOA and improving oneself in many aspects of life is much much much more superior.

My friend is definitely right. I am NOT ready yet. Currently my body and mind are focused on my family and also on achieving something in my profession and climbing.. Let me deal and be good at these first and then I could focus on becoming a good wife (^^)


Sometimes I think it's either I haven't met him yet or I already had but still don't know it's him... It's ok for him to come by late.. Because I know he will come at the right time as Allah have willed

"Marriage is not the answer to eternal happiness. It is just another phase of life with totally different problems"

Cant agree more.. And that's why I don't want to enter that phase of life unprepared...

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Taking it to a PERSONAL level...

It's the end of my sixth week in the clinical rotation and I'm currently stationed in the ICU ward. 2 weeks full of turmoils to go...

Recently, I've been quite sentimental. A mixture of crisp emotions ever so frequently wash over me as I scrutinize the hospital surrounding. I'm starting to see the hospital as a small world that have almost everything in it...

In these weeks, in which I'm closest to the patients and their families, I saw a lot of things.. I saw the spark of joy in one's eyes as the doctor confirmed to him that he's recovering.

I saw a patient broke down on his bed when the doctor explained that he'll be debilitated for life. With most of his spine damaged, he could only quiver with tears running down his cheeks. It was a heart wrenching scene..

I saw patients who gave up hope and refuse treatment because they can't endure the excrutiating pain.

I also witnessed family members who never lose hope and waited for miracle to happen. Despite knowing the fact that the patient won't be able to 'make it', the family continue to take good care of the patient and had kept him comfortable.

There were two deliberate self-harm cases in which none survived

Currently in ICU, I'm still trying to get use to looking at those patients who have all the wires and tubes inserted into them and is trying to adapt with those irritating beeping sounds of the life support machines.

Looking at these people, I realize that.. yeah.. we don't have complete control of our fate... Everything happen by His will and we can never predict what's His plan for us tomorrow.

My self-deprecation episode have not entirely subside but I'm starting to gain confident again as I look at my patients. They are the reason why I should learn more. They are the reason for me to polish my knowledge and skills. They are the reason because I'm taking this to a personal level. I'm putting myself in the shoes of their family members who are fill with hope and that hope is actually in the hands of the healthcare team.

The healthcare team can never fight fate. But what they can do is to provide the best service. If I were in the shoes of those family members, I wouldn't want my family member to be treated by incompentent healthcare providers; may it be the doctor, the nurse or the pharmacist. Because these people complement each other. Any incompetentcy could be lethal in any stage of care.. And an incompetent pharmacist is what I DON'T want to be...

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The Deceitful Route...

I hurt my right hand today. I guess I overused it last Tuesday that it couldn't withstand today's climbing; though I only did one toprope and some very very light bouldering. I've no intention to worsen it so I decided to go home early before I'm tempted to climb again.. So here I am on my bed, in front of my laptop, with an abandoned infectious disease notes just beside me and to compensate my climbing I think I'll write something about climbing tonight.

Well, I just did a route setting on Tuesday. It was a very nice experience and it was harder than I thought it would be.

Firstly I'd to choose some hand and foot holds. It is best to choose holds that of the same colour to make the route recognizable to climbers. I chose the blue holds because I thought they were of different shapes and sizes and I'd wanted my route to be deceitful. Meaning, I want people to underestimate it and later think "Wah! Susah ni!" once they tried it hehehe

Before fixing those holds on the wall, I actually imagined how the route would be and the skills that I want climbers to apply as they climb. But honestly, when I finished fixing the holds, my route was even harder than I'd imgined!





Ryan, 12 y.o, assisted me during the route setting process. He helped me attach the holds at the starting point and then became my loyal belayer. He used two sand bags to balance our weight. That made me feel heavy. That red recycle bag I'm carrying was filled with holds and screws so that've caused heavier load for our tiny belayer. With that heavy load, I also found it harder to climb up.

Here's a video of me fixing the holds. Ryan was yelling from below, complaining about the far gap between the holds hehe




So here's a picture of me testing my own route. I fell 5 times but finally manage to reach the top..




The other climbers helped to name the route...



Crazy G!!!!!!
I succeed in making the route deceitful (^^)v

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I'm eyeing you~~

I can't take my eyes off you~ Miura VS...


This is my dream climbing shoes right now and it's DAMN EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least RM630!!!!


My Evolv, the right one to be exact, already got a hole on its sole for about a month now and I've been eyeing on some climbing shoes. And finally, when I saw this Miura VS, I got this feeling that we're meant to be haha :P

A high performance hook and loop closure shoe for amazing edging control and pocket climbing performance

Easy to use hook and loop closure system for easy on and off convenience. Slingshot rand and Powerhinge system gives you the ultimate edging power. 4mm Vibram® XS Edge and XS Grip2 (Women's model) sticky rubber outsole

WEIGHT: 8.23 oz/ 228 g LAST: WPD 75 CONSTRUCTION: Slip Lasted UPPER: Leather LINING: Dentex, unlined underfoot MIDSOLE: P3® with 1.1mm LaspoFlex SOLE: 4mm Vibram® XS Grip2

Some say this Miura VS are meant for pros and only those who can do 6c can have this and bla bla bla.. I don't care.. I want this one.. 6c is just far beyond my ability right now, but I think this Miura VS will get me there... (^^)/ Positive about that.. Will get there some day!!!!



But since it's so expensive, I think I'll save some money.. Planning on reducing my expenses on food because that will bring about multi-benefit.. Save money + slimmer & trimmer Haziah, and then slimmer and trimmer and light me will subsequently bring about easy climbing.. Yosh!! I'm so0o0o0o0 clever!!! hahaha

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Torn between...

Story No 1

A few years ago I dejected it when I was to teach a class of illiterate students. I thought it was unfair of the school system to let experienced teachers to focus on the bright students while those who perform poorly are left to an untrained substitute teacher like me. But then Allah wanted to show me something else.

Seated on the front row, it would've been easy for me to notice her. But she was so timid that I only manage to remember her name that was of two syllables at the end of my first week as a teacher. Later I found her to be constantly staring at the wall during my class; I thought she was just not interested. However, during an examination I found that she was rather 'different' than the rest of the class.

It was a BM objective paper where students were required to answer some grammar questions. A mock OMR paper was given to each student and I'd announced the instructions to my students. All of them understood the instruction except her. As her friends were busy shading the right answer on the OMR paper, she just stared blankly at her paper. I approached her and said, "M, hitamkan jawapan yang betul.."

Without even looking at the question paper, she shaded one of the circle on the first row. A student sitting nearby noticed my incredulous reaction said, "Dia nda pandai baca tu, cikgu". I was not surprised about that. Then I instructed her, "M, setiap baris ni, M hitamkan satu ok.. Mana-mana saja yang M rasa mau hitamkan.. Mesti hitamkan sampai habis tau.."

Then she started to shade the second row and then start to stare at the paper again. "Lagi satu.." then she shade the row below the second one.. Then I realized that she doesn't understand simple commands. I just stood there and continue saying "Lagi satu.." until she finish shading the 40th row.. As I stood there I thought, "MashaAllah, I'm gifted.."

Story No 2

It was the long semester break when I volunteered as a committee for a paralympic event in Labuan. I still remember every single moment of my time spent with those special athletes and one of them is what I'm going to tell. There were three gentlemen who represented their states for bowling. Physically perfect, I was curious of what are their disability that had qualified them as a Paralympic athlete. Then I came to get my answer when the room keys were distributed to the athletes. The guy incharge of the room keys were telling the three gentlemen their room number

"Bilik kamu 308.."

The three of them repeated after the guy "308.. 308.. 803.."

"Tiga.. Kosong.. Lapan.."

" 308.. 803.. 083.."

I was flummoxed at how short term their memories were... Once again "MashaAllah, I'm gifted.."

My story~

Currently, I'm stationed at one of the busiest ward in the hospital where I'm working. It's a medical ward that requires you to be well verse in all disciplines of health care and having attached with a very knowledgable preceptor sort of put me into a lot of stress. I'm not stressed out because he is strict or anything. In fact, he's kind and very keen in sharing his knowledge. It's just that my self-esteem is crumbled by the fact that my knowledge is so superficial as compared to his. At one point, I even thought

"Ok, lepas ni aku mau kerja di klinik kesihatan jak. Get married, pregnant and raise my children.."

But then, the stories mentioned sort of came to me as my feverish body lay flat on my bed yesterday. I was thinking... Some people in the world are not as gifted as me.. Some can't fathom the simplest command.. Some can't even remember the simplest things... But ME who CAN are now in the verge of giving up.. How shameful.. I better off giving my gift to someone else who would've used it for a better purpose...

I'm currently torn between whether I want to live that simple life that I ramble about during my self-deprecation or should I work hard for some period of time to be as good as my preceptor or even better. And I'm fully aware that the later is of more benefits; that is benefit to me and to the people I would serve. A simple life seems more appealing though but that simply means that I succumb to cowardice.. That simply means I just transgress my own principle to plow my potentials in everything I do... O I don't know..


Three phrases are currently in my mind.. One is this hadith...

Allah’s Messenger (SAW ) said: “The strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than the weak one, but they are both good.” (Muslim)

Second.. Is my best friend's favourite phrase or probably her motto..

"Start with the end in mind.."

And finally one of my own principle..

"If you can't be the best, you could at least be good.."

Still pondering...

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