Jul 29, 2011

It's a choice~

This is a lengthy post...

To think of it, Muslims are not outnumbered in Sabah. It's the practicing Muslims that we are lacking of in number. Very few indeed.

#1

Recently, I've been poured with a lot of questions about the practices in Islam, especially about covering aurah and the daily prayers. It all start off when I actually rejected some of my friend's ideas to make me comfortable during my climb. Well, they suggested me wearing the scarf tied to the back (the one that'll reveal your neck) or wear a legging (that tight-fitting pants). And then the daily prayers issue was raised because I said I would only want to marry a guy who observe his prayers.


I've tried to explain the commandments that I'm obliged to follow and how it is a big deal to me that my spouse should be someone who observe his prayers. Some understood but some continued to argue that I can actually uncover my aurah, it's a matter of choice and that those who pray is not necessarily a good person who can make me happy. I, of course, tried again to counter those arguments but they continued to disagree with what I was saying. Then, I just stopped and shrugged... It wasn't a sign of retreat. But actually that time I started to realize that there was no point of arguing because I noticed that those who accepted my explaination at the very beginning were actually those who also practice their religion steadfastly and the ones who are still debating with me are actually those who doesn't practice their religion, so I just think they wouldn't undestand the spiritual connection that you have with the Creator when you observe the commandments. So then, there's just no point of explaining....


To be honest, I was offended by some of their arguments but I tried to maintain my cool and stayed calm and listened. I thought it'll be unfair if I get all sensitive and start to draw myself away just because they don't understand my belief and practices. They can't be blamed, you see. They've a lot of Muslim friends and from what I can see is that they misunderstood because the Muslim friends they have are living the same way as they do and it so happen that this Muslim friend here live a different way.

#2

Well, I was considered quite secular in my Uni. Some people said to me "Ko bukan wanita solehah~" or when I said something Islamically knowledegable, the respond that I usually get was "Fuiyo! Sejak bile???" Offended?? Tipulah kalo saya tidak offended.


"I observe my prayers, regularly recite Al-Quran, cover my aurah and just because I'm active and love to have fun so I'm not solehah?????"


Haha those are the things that usually crossed my mind when people say those offensive things to me. But, I'd taught myself that human being doesn't define how solehah you are. I'd taught myself to remember that the connection between me and Allah is private, and what people think about my solehah-ness won't make any difference at all. And I'd convinced myself that if there's ever any person who said "Wah! Haziah you are very solehah.. I wanna be like you," pergh sure I riak punya la :p


So.. What I'm trying to say is actually, what I think is, up to this age, what we embrace as our religion, as our worldview, as our practice is actually already by choice. We're a Muslim because we want to be one, and not because we are born as Muslim anymore. Why are there two different scenarios in the above??

Well, I just want to show you that it's not only the Non Muslims that'll question our belief and our conscience. The demotivatng words of the brothers and sisters in Islam can also discourage one from the right path.


O ya, one more thing that I think I should put here is that, back in Berhala during our rock climbing trip, it was actually my non Muslim friends who cleared the spot for me to pray and it was them who brought a compass so that I'll know where's the direction of Mecca.


I've made my choice long ago just like every of you did.. I'm no longer in my regulated world.. I need strength, I need guidance, I need reminders...

Jul 26, 2011

Aku rindu setengah mati padamu...

Hurm.. When I listen to that song 'Aku Rindu Setengah Mati', I'll reminisce this handsome face



But what I'm missing and what I've been longing got nothing to do with this guy...

It's really hard not to miss the good old days that I used to have in the mountains with friends when everyday the Mount Kinabalu lie in front of me; sometimes in silhouette. It saddened me most of the times, but I'm so grateful that the pleasant memories of those days never leave me one bit that I could just lay down on bed, close my eyes and bring back to life every single thing that I miss so much inside my mind.


The Training~

I miss the last minute training that we used to have. An expedition would be announced at least a month earlier but it has always been at two weeks or less than that before the trip that we start to put on our jogging shoes and jogged to regain our stamina. That was when we become berserk. Sometimes pushing ourselves to the limit, leaving us panting at the end of the long distant run. Or, if it was too last minute, we'll just walk and chat and decide to just accept whatever hardship that lies ahead...


The Packing~

It's just ironic how the question "Ko bawak ape?" is so commonly exchanged among us when actually there were numerous previous packing activities. I guess, that question was part of the excitement. I miss the strolls we used to have in 'Cowboy' where we searched for cheap tit bits to fuel us up with energy during the climb. I miss the maths that Shifaa, Mida and I use to do when deciding how many clothes to bring. And at the end of the packing, we'll try to carry each other's bag and exclaim in astonishment how heavy they are.


An all-time favourite pic



The Climb~

The climb, of course, has always been the best part of it all. I remember the worries that we used to have at the beginning of the climb.. We were not worried of whether or not we're going to finish the climb because we always finish.. It was how savage the leeches are that troubled us most.. During our last expidition, the three of us cupped our hands on our face and sprayed Bygone to the whole body as if it is a perfume.


I miss the sounds of chirping birds. I miss the crunching sounds of dry leaves. I miss the brush of the soft mountain breeze. I miss the beautiful sunrise and sunset. I miss the gurgling streams of the mountains from which we attain drinking water...


I miss the night talks we used to have before going to sleep. When the night chill penetrate our cheap sleeping bags and gnawed our skin, we moved closer to each other. In one of the expedition, one of us got so hypothermic and was shivering. We stayed up that night rubbing heat balm on her skin.


At night, we were entertained by the sounds of crickets, and in the morning it was always the sounds of birds that greet us. I really like it as we run our fingers on the surface of the canvas that sheltered us at night to get the morning dew for ablutions. Every morning marked the start of a new adventure and everybody always seem to be fuming with excitement, as if there were no rigorous hike the day before.


I really miss gazing at the miniature form of the world that lay below us as we stand on a peak of the mountain.. To this day, I still fail to find words to describe what feelings I have as I stand on the peaks. It was not the feeling of mere victory, there was something else... And.. I want to feel it again and again and again~

Aku rindu setengah mati....

"There are things you can learn from books.. There are things you can be taught.. But here are also things that you must see and feel to learn.."

Jul 20, 2011

Good Bye BoBo~

I'm more or less like 'Meroyan' right now...

This evening, as I step out of the hospital building, all I can see were dark clouds. Tears started to run down my cheeks as I turned my car key in the ignition.. I fought my tears for hours; that was since I receive the text message from Umie confirming that Bobo is dead. It's really hard to believe because she was perfectly healthy two days ago.. We saw a dead mouse near her box yesterday morning and assumed she played with it.

She must've bitten it and got infected or even poisoned. She vomitted all day. Before I went climbing that Tuesday night, I saw yellowish fluid drooling from the corner of her lips and wiped it with a tissue. Asked her whether she's ok or not (though I know she won't answer, of course). She didn't respond to the toy that I rolled towards her. Before I leave, I patted her back and said my goodbye.


I have generationssssss of cats before Bobo, especially during primary school. But since Uni, I don't get to take care much of our cats. They don't even recognize me when I'm at home for holiday. Instead of stroking their body against my feet, they would just stare at me as if saying "Hey you, new girl! What's up?"


So it's really different with Bobo. After all these years, my longing to take care of my own cat finally meet its end. Well, I actually lure her mom to becoming my cat by providing food hehe But then her mom got pregnant and she delivered under my bed.


I didn't even notice that she, Bobo's mom, was under my bed the night she delivered. I was awakened by the mewing sound at around 3am. And I fought the urge to take a look and waited until morning. Then, when I pull up my mattress, I saw two tiny furry kittens curled up like two tiny balls.. Idham named them Tutu and Bobo. Tutu died from an eye infection..


When Bobo was already strong enough to walk about and started to pee and poop, my brother and I shopped for things to make them a comfortable home at this one corner in our house. Idham cut a box for them to rest and play inside... It was so perfect; us working together like that.

This evening, I went to clear everything up... That is not without tears okay~ I cried the most when I saw the cat sand that I just bought for her last Friday. I was so proud to finally able to teach her where to poop~ T_T


It's just so sad.. Now, there's no longer seeing Bobo running around inside the house.. No more tapping sounds on my window when she wants to come inside.. No more her rubbing against my feet as I eat in the kitchen.. I'm going to miss Bobo a lot... T_T

Goodbye BoBo~