Bismillah...
*This is fiction*
Dear He-Who-Doesn't-Know,
It's been weeks since I last hear from you. I hope you're doing well and happy with your upcoming life-changing affair. I'm doing good as usual although work has been a little bit hectic lately.
I've been thinking a lot about myself, you and us (if there was ever an 'us'). It's just funny how things are fated between us. How we have met and become close to each other in an unexpected manner. Well, it was unexpected for my part. How I'd intuitively felt that there was going to be a story between me and this name on the drug chart when I first saw your stamp two years ago. How I'd felt that meeting you felt like a deja vu. And how a glimpse of your crooked smile gave a strange feeling that left me confused for many months after that.
With much confusion on my side, I'd chose to pull away. To see whether you will come back or not because I always believe that what is destined to be mine will eventually be. That strange feeling could have been mere infatuation but I finally found out that it was not. You came back alright, but I guess it was decreed that we meet again at the wrong time because you were already taken by another.
If you thought that I was just another woman who fancies you for your looks, your title, your social status and whatnot, you're wrong. If so, I wouldn't have noticed how your face changed when that old guy left our table that evening in our friend's wedding. I wouldn't notice that there was something bothering you inside when we were on our way back from our last dive. I wouldn't felt so broken when I hear your croaked voice at the other end of the line that morning when I called to check if you were okay or not. And I wouldn't still be your friend even when I know there's nothing to me if I stay.
People told me that I should stay away from you and everything that reminds me of you. But I chose the opposite because I know it won't work on me. It will work if I only see you as another potential suitor but you are what I like to call my second love. Through experience, I learn that love is not just a feeling, it's a verb. It's an act where you want to make the other person to be happy. It's not something that you can easily suppress. That's why I'd said yes to all the things that I said yes to because I want you to be happy and I know I'm strong enough to withstand what's unrequited. After all, you can't break what's already broken. That's just how strong a healed heart could be. And for all the things that I'd said yes to, I want you to know that there were no regrets at all on my side.
I don't know if you notice that I keep stealing glances when you were seating on the red sofa. It was just hard to believe that you were where you were at that time. And when I was surrounded by the smell of vanilla and leather seat of your white stallion, I'd never imagine that to ever happen too. And when I text you before you flew to the faraway land, I just can't muffle the strong urge to know whether you're going or not. And when your name appeared on my phone screen after two weeks of silence, although the message was not exclusively directed to me, I was relieved that you're safe and sound in the faraway land.
Sometimes I do wonder whether all your actions, simple gestures and all the time spent were solely out of friendship or something more. Perhaps we are what's called asymptotes, who can get closer and closer to each other but never together. I guess, I will never know whether there is ever a space in your heart for me or not. But what I do know it's not my hand that you choose to hold.
I'd prepared long ago that you won't be mine. I'm doing fine and moving on with life; pursuing other things that matter. Thank you for letting me realize that I am capable to love again. Thank you for the happiness, for the experience and for the laughter. I'm thankful that our paths crossed each other and I want you to know, the best thing is, remembering you makes me smile and not cry. I'll wait for my last love because I do believe if I could love you this much when you're not the right one, it must be even more incredible when I finally meet The One. I'll pray for your happiness. I always do....
P.S.
I lied to you about the meaning of nakupenda
*This is fiction*
Dear He-Who-Doesn't-Know,
It's been weeks since I last hear from you. I hope you're doing well and happy with your upcoming life-changing affair. I'm doing good as usual although work has been a little bit hectic lately.
I've been thinking a lot about myself, you and us (if there was ever an 'us'). It's just funny how things are fated between us. How we have met and become close to each other in an unexpected manner. Well, it was unexpected for my part. How I'd intuitively felt that there was going to be a story between me and this name on the drug chart when I first saw your stamp two years ago. How I'd felt that meeting you felt like a deja vu. And how a glimpse of your crooked smile gave a strange feeling that left me confused for many months after that.
With much confusion on my side, I'd chose to pull away. To see whether you will come back or not because I always believe that what is destined to be mine will eventually be. That strange feeling could have been mere infatuation but I finally found out that it was not. You came back alright, but I guess it was decreed that we meet again at the wrong time because you were already taken by another.
If you thought that I was just another woman who fancies you for your looks, your title, your social status and whatnot, you're wrong. If so, I wouldn't have noticed how your face changed when that old guy left our table that evening in our friend's wedding. I wouldn't notice that there was something bothering you inside when we were on our way back from our last dive. I wouldn't felt so broken when I hear your croaked voice at the other end of the line that morning when I called to check if you were okay or not. And I wouldn't still be your friend even when I know there's nothing to me if I stay.
People told me that I should stay away from you and everything that reminds me of you. But I chose the opposite because I know it won't work on me. It will work if I only see you as another potential suitor but you are what I like to call my second love. Through experience, I learn that love is not just a feeling, it's a verb. It's an act where you want to make the other person to be happy. It's not something that you can easily suppress. That's why I'd said yes to all the things that I said yes to because I want you to be happy and I know I'm strong enough to withstand what's unrequited. After all, you can't break what's already broken. That's just how strong a healed heart could be. And for all the things that I'd said yes to, I want you to know that there were no regrets at all on my side.
I don't know if you notice that I keep stealing glances when you were seating on the red sofa. It was just hard to believe that you were where you were at that time. And when I was surrounded by the smell of vanilla and leather seat of your white stallion, I'd never imagine that to ever happen too. And when I text you before you flew to the faraway land, I just can't muffle the strong urge to know whether you're going or not. And when your name appeared on my phone screen after two weeks of silence, although the message was not exclusively directed to me, I was relieved that you're safe and sound in the faraway land.
Sometimes I do wonder whether all your actions, simple gestures and all the time spent were solely out of friendship or something more. Perhaps we are what's called asymptotes, who can get closer and closer to each other but never together. I guess, I will never know whether there is ever a space in your heart for me or not. But what I do know it's not my hand that you choose to hold.
I'd prepared long ago that you won't be mine. I'm doing fine and moving on with life; pursuing other things that matter. Thank you for letting me realize that I am capable to love again. Thank you for the happiness, for the experience and for the laughter. I'm thankful that our paths crossed each other and I want you to know, the best thing is, remembering you makes me smile and not cry. I'll wait for my last love because I do believe if I could love you this much when you're not the right one, it must be even more incredible when I finally meet The One. I'll pray for your happiness. I always do....
P.S.
I lied to you about the meaning of nakupenda