Ikhlas yang hilang~

Reading this post will only waste your time~

Bismillah...

Ikhlas is such a delicate word.. 2 syllables.. Simple.. But hard to put into action...

"Saye ikhlas.." a person that I used to know once said to me.. A few years after this particular person professed so, it became meaningless and things turned into shattered hopes and memories deliberately erased. 

It brought to an evening of solitary; it was raining outside and I was sitting crossed leg on my bed, a closed book clasped in one hand and my eyes were fixed on the rain drops on the leaves outside the window. The view of that and the smell of the rain was so refreshing.. I let my mind loose for a while to think about life.. 

Ikhlas is doing the right thing over and over and over again without expecting anything in return.. 

That's like a mother's unconditional love to her child.. She endured excrutiating pain during childbirth. Brought up the child with the best upbringing that she can afford to give.. And till her last breath, she will always be there for her child.. More often than not, that lady sitting on the chair next to the immobilized and delirious patient,  who patiently attend to each and every of the patient's need are mothers... MashaAllah.. That's the power of Ikhlas..

Ikhlas need not be uttered.. need not be verbally professed.. It is from actions.. It is felt by those at the receiving end.. And even by the witnessing eyes..

It was one of those long international flight. I was seated in a different row but my friends were still close enough for a chat. A family of three was seated in front of my friends; a lovely Caucasian couple with their adorable toddler. The couples ordered the in-flight meal and handed a credit card to pay. Unfortunately, only cash was accepted for payment. It didn't took long for my friends to offer their cash to the family. I was watching from my seat. It was like they were communicating telepathically with each other. All of them dug their hands into their bags and start to search for the remaining foreign currency they have left without saying much to each other. There were no trace of hesitancy on their faces when they paid for the meal for three. At the end of it I exclaimed, "MashaAllah sisters!" and we just giggled. The matter was never talked again after that. But I was very touched by my friends' action. I'm not sure whether I will do the same if I was in their position. That was Ikhlas.. And Ikhlas don't hesitate~

To be honest.. I can't tell whether I'm ikhlas or not in my deeds.. I don't know how it feels like to be ikhlas.. Do you feel self-gratification when you're ikhlas? Do you feel contented with life when you're ikhlas? Perhaps.. I once read that when you think you're ikhlas, that's when you're most probably not. So I guess, ikhlas is not something an individual can measure.. It is something that is decided by Allah the Almighty..

But one thing that I'm very sure now is.. Something that I love doing and passionate about start to feel like a burden to me.. It's not that I lost my passion.. It's just that things are very much ruined by a particular person and this have made me lost interest.. It made me want to run away.. Things are made complicated than how it used to be and I start to question why do I let myself stuck in this absurdity when I can find better opportunities elsewhere... 

But at times, I think maybe it's me who is too weak to accept the reality of life.. Where ever I go, if I choose to leave what is at hand, still a new challenge is waiting. So it's either I persist or get ready to face challenges that I couldn't foretell for now....

I really don't know whether all this while I've been ikhlas or not.. But this load that I feel in my heart right now is like a sign that I'm drifting away further and further from being ikhlas.. I'm writing this as a mean to ease that burden and to those of you who have read this far, please pray for me that i'll be strong  and may my intention be straightened and fortified.. Ameen..For the sake of Allah and the Ummah is also something that I think is easier said than done... huhuhu

Count your blessings, Haziah... 

Focus on the essentials and don't let those things you detest impede you from developing your potentials...

I'm starting to realize there are more and more things about life that I haven't understand as I grow older... May all of us always be in His guidance as we face this phase of confusion~ Ameen

One day, all of this will make sense.. InshaAllah~

All of it from abcdefghijKlmnopqrstuvwxyz~ heee

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Haziah Salleh: The Unexpected Journey

The sky was covered in bronze colour of the setting sun. I was sitting on SJ's sheet-less bed  and we were recollecting the events throughout our taa'ruf week that have just passed. She was busy unpacking her stuffs; placing them neatly to where they should belong. I was babbling of how quiet the place is, how bad the food at the cafe taste and how lame the town is with only two shopping malls that seem so beat up as compared to the ones in KL and KK...

GG: Ape kita nak citer kat anak cucu kite, SJ!!!!??? That we went to UIA, went to class, went to the cafe and back to our room and after 4 years we graduated?? Adoi.. Bosan nye hidup nenek...

SJ: Aah weyh.. Bosan gile.. I can see that.. Tempat ni memang bosan. TAPI.. Kite akan buat tempat ni jadi tak bosan.

GG: Yup... Sebenanye depends on how we see things.. 

SJ: Ko jangan risau Gg.. By the time kte graduate, mesti kte ade banyak cerite nak cerite kat anak cucu kite.

GG: Yah! Yakin!!!!! (^^)/

That evening's conversation would've been just another conversation left forgotten.. It would've been something merely uttered and never made come true. But we meant every word.

I remember I was still on my crutches when I signed the Adventure Club's constitution. They needed at least 5 members to get a club started; there were only 2 clubs in UIA Kuantan at that time and ARC was the 3rd. I didn't even flip through the pages and with my left leg still wrapped in fiber glass, I was not even sure if the club will be of any benefit to me if I ever end up being a limp for the rest of my life. But somehow, deep down I know this club will make a difference...

Then it all begun.. SJ and I start scaling countless hills and mountains together. And that's when HH came into the picture and the three of us became ARC's power puff girls; always together through ups and downs. When one can't make it for the trip, the trip would feel incomplete and we would scream out her name on the highest peak.. Like we screamed SJ's name on top of Merapi and HH's name when we were on the Gampians lookout.

The same fear of having a boring life encroached when I left UIA. Half of the class were getting married and being busied with fulfilling my training requirements left me confined to work and home for the whole year. I only have rock climbing to fill my time; went training on most nights of the week. I was actually secretly planning my trips around the world; where I want to go, what I want to see and do there, how am I going to save money for my  trips and how can I make my friends join me. I found planning for my trips is a lot easier and more relaxing then thinking about when I will get married.

I was already accustomed to traveling since I was about 13 when my father started to bring us for an annual trip abroad. Not too far though; only around the South East Asia region. However, my dad and I happened to be a different type of traveler. He's the kind who prefer resting in the hotel and would only venture a few blocks of the city and cared less if he missed the must sees and dos. I'm totally the opposite from the very beginning.

I remember stomping and crying in front of the jetty of Chao phraya river when my dad refused to let us cruise along and across the river where there were floating markets and gold-coated temples. I also cried when my dad said Lake Toba is just too far from Medan and he don't think it's worth to go. My dad and I didn't talk to each other as we head towards Tangkuban Perahu because he thinks it cost too much. I was pushy and rebellious  on those days and I always get what I wanted in the end. I never feel guilty for behaving like that. Because in the end, the things that he can brag to his friends about his trip were always the places and things that I, yes ME, have suggested.

Belom pakai tudong masa nih so kaki n tangan sahaja yang kelihatan heeee

And now I'm patiently waiting for my coming trips... I'm imagining driving on a steep winding road now.. standing on snow-capped peaks.. on a boat cruising along famous rivers..gazing at meadows, mossy and icy lands.. standing close to near extinct wildlife..

I no longer worry about what to tell my kids and my grandchildren because I've embarked on an around the world adventure. Now.. I'm imagining an evening with my grandchildren. A world map spread on the floor.

"See this country..  This southern country is famous for its various historical sites. It was once ruled by Muslims and there's a beautiful palace there once owned by a Sultan of a strong dynasty.The football team was a strong one too. They won many cups when I was in my twenties... And this was where I met your grandfather"


Haha :p ending macam mau kena tampar sebab sangat2 lah perasan... Anyways.. Sedikit bengong bila lama nda melancong...

"When you travel, you won't come back as a same person.."

perhaps more learned and wiser from seeing places and meeting people.. we always learn something during a journey.. TAPI paling wajib BROKE.. 

But rich and robust with happy memories and experience yaw!

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SMSL '03: Pulau Papan All-Girls trip (^^)

Waiting for my next trip to come is unbearably daunting. Currently having fever; partly because lack of adventure (-_-") Anyway, I went back to Labuan during CNY; was lucky enough I was not scheduled to work during the long holiday. And guess what, we went to Pulau Papan and hiked 2/3 of the island! YEeeeHhaw!!! \(^^)/

I was the one who'd urged the girls to wake up early for a jog along the beach of Pancur Hitam that morning. We end up walking against the wind, chattering and imagining a trip abroad together. Then RM came up with the idea to go Kayaking in Pulau Papan. Having nothing else to do for the rest of the day, all of us agreed to have it a go. Many of us never set foot on the island anyway and that includes me.

We went back to our homes to pack clothes for change; just for precaution if our clothes ever get wet. Went to buy some snacks and drinks without even checking whether there's boat transfer to the island or not.

GG: Kalo xda boat, apa la kita mo buat dengan food ni?? Yakin diri banar kita ni
RM: Picnic di kompleks sukan aing tah hehe

And luckily we can charter a boat to the island at a reasonable price; RM 80 for return transfer. Since there were 5 of us so it cost us RM 16 per person.

Nothing much on the island. A family was having a picnic and there were guys playing football on the sand. And no kayak, of course. The facilities were left untended; there was no water in the toilet and the chalet looks abandoned. However, the beach and water are exceptionally stunning. It was clean and clear. There were no rubbish afloat. Absolutely stunning. For a moment, I don't even remember I was only a few minutes away from Labuan.

We walked slightly uphill towards the direction of the firehouse and voilla it's no longer there though the signage said a new firehouse was reconstructed in 2004. So we continue to walk to the back of the island; to the side that faces the ocean and where you can only see docking ships and the horizon. Here are some of the pictures.. It's even more beautiful when you're actually there than in these pics..

Actually there's a nicer walking trail that you can use to circle the whole island on foot, but then we chose to walk along the shore where we had to traverse on rocks and someone's tracksuit got severely torn :p

I think it got torn somewhere here.. That's Labuan on the background. Very close indeed..

When we reached the front beach, there were some Australian tourists who've just arrived with a VIP boat. They called us to join them for a drink tapi tau2 jak la apa drinks dorang hehe so we politely denied the invitation and went straight to the jetty to wait for our boat and Ya Allah! the boat ride back was atrociously jumpy that I think if I didn't held the side of the boat strong enough I would've been thrown out of the boat. Well, the sea is known to be more rough in the evening and we know that very well. Served us right for choosing to go back late haha

Ini semua konon. The smiles were for the sake of picture-taking. Realitinya, kami menjerit sampai part where  there were mild ripples and at that time of the day, mestila near the docking point baru ada mild ripples kan..

It was less bumpy if you're sitting at the back like these girls.. (-_-")

I didn't apply any sunscreen so yup my skin suffered another sun burn. But at this rate, I succumbed myself to sunburn. I, now, refused to be shackled in the common societal expectations where being fair is beautiful. My sun tanned skin is the most instant prove that I've been enjoying my time outdoor, under the sun! Chewah.. :p

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