Bila mau kawen

The "Bila mau kawen?" question is pouring on me like raindrops during the monsoon season.. I have no idea at all of how all the people around me are seem to be so united and unanimous in torturing me with such question...

My "InshaAllah tahun depan" scheme that I created last year could be the reason why the 'attack' is intensified this year.. D**N IT!!!! What a collateral damage!!!!!

So I created another scheme..

"Kawen??? Lambat lagi.. Susah la nak cari yang rajin, jarang ada dekat rumah and banyak duit.."

Hahaha! I always manage to make people's jaw drop with this answer. One of my friend spontaneously blurt, "O my God!!! You are so not ready to get married!!!!". And usually people would just shake their heads in disbelief and dismiss the topic.. Voilla!!!!!!!!!


But honestly, I don't really mean what I said of course. It's just a trick to get away from all the free of charge lecture entittle 'Marriage and its benefits' or 'List of the reasons why you should marry now!" which often last for at least 15 minutes. I just can't stand it...

Like I said before, I don't even have any specific attributes that I want in a guy. Over time, I will finally meet someone who is just perfect for me.

And you know what I really despise of all the things related to this pestering marriage topic?? It's when people urge me to FIND someone.. Cari CaRi CARI~ Oh common.. If I do found someone I'm fond of, could I actually ask him to marry me???? Ok, maybe I could.. But tell me, what's the percentage that I might succeed?? (the effect of reading too many journals.. obsessed with figures..)

Instead of CARI, I think when it comes to USAHA, DOA and improving oneself in many aspects of life is much much much more superior.

My friend is definitely right. I am NOT ready yet. Currently my body and mind are focused on my family and also on achieving something in my profession and climbing.. Let me deal and be good at these first and then I could focus on becoming a good wife (^^)


Sometimes I think it's either I haven't met him yet or I already had but still don't know it's him... It's ok for him to come by late.. Because I know he will come at the right time as Allah have willed

"Marriage is not the answer to eternal happiness. It is just another phase of life with totally different problems"

Cant agree more.. And that's why I don't want to enter that phase of life unprepared...

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Taking it to a PERSONAL level...

It's the end of my sixth week in the clinical rotation and I'm currently stationed in the ICU ward. 2 weeks full of turmoils to go...

Recently, I've been quite sentimental. A mixture of crisp emotions ever so frequently wash over me as I scrutinize the hospital surrounding. I'm starting to see the hospital as a small world that have almost everything in it...

In these weeks, in which I'm closest to the patients and their families, I saw a lot of things.. I saw the spark of joy in one's eyes as the doctor confirmed to him that he's recovering.

I saw a patient broke down on his bed when the doctor explained that he'll be debilitated for life. With most of his spine damaged, he could only quiver with tears running down his cheeks. It was a heart wrenching scene..

I saw patients who gave up hope and refuse treatment because they can't endure the excrutiating pain.

I also witnessed family members who never lose hope and waited for miracle to happen. Despite knowing the fact that the patient won't be able to 'make it', the family continue to take good care of the patient and had kept him comfortable.

There were two deliberate self-harm cases in which none survived

Currently in ICU, I'm still trying to get use to looking at those patients who have all the wires and tubes inserted into them and is trying to adapt with those irritating beeping sounds of the life support machines.

Looking at these people, I realize that.. yeah.. we don't have complete control of our fate... Everything happen by His will and we can never predict what's His plan for us tomorrow.

My self-deprecation episode have not entirely subside but I'm starting to gain confident again as I look at my patients. They are the reason why I should learn more. They are the reason for me to polish my knowledge and skills. They are the reason because I'm taking this to a personal level. I'm putting myself in the shoes of their family members who are fill with hope and that hope is actually in the hands of the healthcare team.

The healthcare team can never fight fate. But what they can do is to provide the best service. If I were in the shoes of those family members, I wouldn't want my family member to be treated by incompentent healthcare providers; may it be the doctor, the nurse or the pharmacist. Because these people complement each other. Any incompetentcy could be lethal in any stage of care.. And an incompetent pharmacist is what I DON'T want to be...

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The Deceitful Route...

I hurt my right hand today. I guess I overused it last Tuesday that it couldn't withstand today's climbing; though I only did one toprope and some very very light bouldering. I've no intention to worsen it so I decided to go home early before I'm tempted to climb again.. So here I am on my bed, in front of my laptop, with an abandoned infectious disease notes just beside me and to compensate my climbing I think I'll write something about climbing tonight.

Well, I just did a route setting on Tuesday. It was a very nice experience and it was harder than I thought it would be.

Firstly I'd to choose some hand and foot holds. It is best to choose holds that of the same colour to make the route recognizable to climbers. I chose the blue holds because I thought they were of different shapes and sizes and I'd wanted my route to be deceitful. Meaning, I want people to underestimate it and later think "Wah! Susah ni!" once they tried it hehehe

Before fixing those holds on the wall, I actually imagined how the route would be and the skills that I want climbers to apply as they climb. But honestly, when I finished fixing the holds, my route was even harder than I'd imgined!





Ryan, 12 y.o, assisted me during the route setting process. He helped me attach the holds at the starting point and then became my loyal belayer. He used two sand bags to balance our weight. That made me feel heavy. That red recycle bag I'm carrying was filled with holds and screws so that've caused heavier load for our tiny belayer. With that heavy load, I also found it harder to climb up.

Here's a video of me fixing the holds. Ryan was yelling from below, complaining about the far gap between the holds hehe




So here's a picture of me testing my own route. I fell 5 times but finally manage to reach the top..




The other climbers helped to name the route...



Crazy G!!!!!!
I succeed in making the route deceitful (^^)v

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