As I remember... In the past.. I had asked for the same thing during my birthdays...
When I was 20.. I was immobilized for many months due to a fractured left femur. It was christmas when the girls threw a surprise party for me right after halaqah... I was surprised alright.. I even asked, "Whose birthday is this??" after they finished singing the birthday song.. Yes.. That night I'd wept and asked for the same thing while all my friends were asleep...
When I was 22.. I was roaming helplessly in the valley of 'lost'. Left the only guy that I've ever loved.. And was losing my own self-esteem, losing trust and was struck by a myriad of despair. My brother noticed my bloodshot eyes from crying day and night. He arranged a picnic on my birthday and I was given the task to prepare everything.. I guessed he wanted me to get busy with something and stop crying.. And amidst the sound of the gentle wave, with tears pooling in my eyes I'd asked for the same thing again and I'd made a promise that day..
I'd asked Allah to give me
STRENGTH and for this year I'm going to ask for
STRENGTH again~
I say, I'm currently in a transition phase; that is escaping my 'regulated' world and entering the 'real' world. I've to admit, I can be classified as the zany type, who seem to never run out of ideas for antics. But all this while I've actually been living in a 'regulated' world..
My first 'regulated' world was
SMSL.. Al-mathurat before maghrib.. Congregational prayers.. Al-mulk and Yassin before bed.. Usrah and Qiamulail during weekends...
Then I moved on to
UIA.. The Garden of Knowledge and
VIRTUE.. Well, the difference between UIA and SMSL is that in UIA you don't have seniors pushing you to do all those religious rituals and obligations. But there's this aura in UIA that'll drive you to actually observe all those things; which is very good in my opinion..
But now, I'm in the 'REAL' world.. Still in the process of adapting to it.. New acquaintances are made day by day and they are from different walks of life and of different backgrounds and beliefs.. And not all of them understand my belief and my practices..
The
'REAL' world is, to me, very challenging.. That is why I beseech strength from the Almighty so that I won't be drifted away by the current of change. I'm totally aware that even when there's variance in the sense of the way my new friends and I socialize, it is really up to me to figure out how to uphold my conscience amidst this new environment.
I also need strength to evade all wasteful temptations. Now that my pocket is autmatically filled at the end of the month, I really would want the rizq that I've been working for to be chanelled into the right path and not just to fulfill my lavish desires.
I need physical strength to fulfill all my obligations; may it be career-wise, religion-wise and family-wise. Without physical strength, I won't be able to give equal attention to all these things which are very important to me.
Finally, I beseech strength to keep my PROMISE...
Happy 24th Birthday Haziah~
Be strong~
InshaAllah~
