Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Mantanani Island Day Trip


I thought of continuing my Eurotrip post just now but I think I am mentally exhausted for today so let me just share a little bit about my day trip to Mantanani Island last Saturday; 26 April 2014.

Yang merah itu Mantanani Island yah (^^)

Well, my last dive was in October last year so it's been 6 months. I thought it's best that I gear up and dive again. Luckily my October buddy was in town for the weekend so I sort of coaxed him to join me and of course he'd brought along another friend. I did a very quick survey on price offered by various companies and the best price was given by a friend of mine at the climbing centre (^^)

The itinerary is very simple..

Pick up at 7.15 am. 1 hour and 45 minutes bus ride to jetty. 45-50 minutes boat ride to the island which depends very much on the weather and then 2 dives and a buffet lunch.

Yup! That's our Mountain! (^^)

Trip to Mantanani is very very weather dependent. It can be suddenly cancelled because of rough sea but money will be refundable in such case. Even when the sky is all clear and deep blue in colour, the ride was still very bumpy. My friend got thrown out of his seat on our way back when he fell asleep. It was such a funny scene. I heard a loud thud, and when I turn, there he was lying on the floor; swarmed by the Chinese tourists assisting him to get up.

I think one thing that I won't forget about the trip was that I was hoping to meet some Europeans but it turned out that we were with more than a dozen tourists from China and even the tour guide spoke chinese! So I went to the kiosk at the jetty to ask whether we are already at the jetty or is this place some kind of R&R thingy because we didn't understand a word the guide was saying when we arrived at this place :p

Kamera aku kawan aku pegang so0o0o0o0 gambar2 yang diambilnya ni... 
Haih~ bole2 laaaaa~ (^^")

I definitely think Mantanani has it's own qualities like the the water is exceptionally stunning, the beach is bigger so it is more suitable for family outing. The dive centre has a beach volleyball court. I was very tempted to play, you know. But only the half naked dive masters were in the court so... I'd refrained myself from doing so hahaha Mantanani is famous for the sightings of Dugong but we didn't see any.

I saw a sting ray, a turtle which perhaps an adolescent (sukati aku jak kan) and lots of coral fish. I actually prefer the coral fish because they don't look intimidating. I get excited when I see a big school of fish but I can feel slightly intimidated by their huge number (^^") During the first dive, we were at a site with lots of corals but not that colourful. But the second site was even beautiful. Tapi aku pelik betul air nya sekejap extremely sejuk and sekejap panas~ I dunno why.. Aku memang diver yang noob heeee

Feeling gtew~ Well.. I needed the short getaway... New responsibilities are coming in and I foresee a lot of effort will be put ahead to fulfill all these things that I've to shoulder... You know when I stand atop of a mountain, I realize I'm just an insignificant speck in this vast universe. A speck that could just be an ordinary object or with the power to bring good and make the world a better place to live. When I go underwater, I see the hidden treasures; the micro and macro things that make me realize how limited my knowledge is. There must be more to this world to be discovered....

Otak aku sangat occupied sampai aku jadi nada perasaan tentang hati masa trip ni.. Allah knows best.. Allah lagi tahu kalau sesuatu yang kita suka itu bukan yang terbaik untuk jadi milik kita. Tapi Allah akan letak yang kita suka itu di tempat yang sepatutnya dalam hidup kita...

"You who is still out there... I secure my heart for only you.." Ececececeh! Yah! itu lah maksud posing ini :p

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The transition... And changes


My friends and I have talked a lot about how we have changed over the years in the past few days... I happened to be in many places within this week that I met friends from school and university and we coincidentally talked about the same topic altogether; CHANGE...

I listened to what one of my BFF had to go through this year. Entirely different from what I faced last year but slightly similar in its on way. Last year, I was dealing with lost and some career shifts. Battled my way through to gain stability, get control of my life and become positive again. It's something that I prefer to call as my 'transition period' because when it's all finally over, I am (Alhamdulillah) totally fine today.

During the transition period, I realize, not all that are close to you will be there with you. That's when you can finally realize who love you solely for being that witty and carefree woman who is fun to be with and those who love you fully as an individual and stick around when you are at the lowest point in your life. It is absolutely normal to suddenly change into a grumpy person who has mood swings and pour all the burden in her life to the people she trust. That's what women do. They have to let it out~

One thing that I noticed was I did have all the solutions to my problems hovering in my temple but my mind was actually too shrouded by all the negative thoughts and tiredness that I can't direct the physical me to execute anything properly. And the hurdles that I have to deal with especially when it comes to people's attitude, response and expectations were making it even worst for me.. So I did confided my problems to the people I trust... And that's when you can see, who among the people you trust is there to raise you back to where you were or even higher or just want to run away from you because you've become this prick who keeps on complaining about the universe conspiring to pull her down...

From my point of view as the one who was being tested, I just wanted to pour it out. I just wanted a trustworthy person's shoulder to cry on. It is already very much helpful and soothing just to hear the person you trust respond with "You can get through this" or "I pray for you to be granted patience" or "If you need anything just tell me" or "I understand". I didn't expect bombastic ideas that works magic. The least that I needed was a pair of ears that listen. That's all. And it was ludicrous when some responded with "Kahwin la GG," which simply can be translated into "You should have a spouse to share this with instead of sharing this with me", right?

What I'm trying to say, it's the 'transition period' that is the toughest. It's that period when multiple things in your life start to change simultaneously and you have to figure out how to incorporate all these changes into what already exist in your life, your routine. It's the time when you have to constantly do 'trial and error' until you figure out what works. Best of all, this is when we actually GROW exponentially without we realizing it..

I'm truly blessed with family and best friends who understood what I went through although there were some who drifted away from my life with their own reasons. My family was very supportive and we changed for the better after the great lost of one of our beloved. We appreciate each others' presence more than before realizing that any of us could 'leave' at any time without warning.

My best of friends were very mature in handling my breakdowns. There are moments when we entirely give time to listen to each others' problems and then rejoice our hearts by filling each other with pleasant updates and activities.

It was hard but I could feel how it changed me... Hopefully for the better lah!

The next time when a good friend come to you, complaining about the hardships she is going through, she is not trying to drag you into her problem.. It is because you have proved to her as a trustworthy person among all the people she knew. Don't ever break that trust... Ever~

"Ujian itu indah jika ia membawa kita hampir kepada Sang Pencipta.."

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The Heart....


The heart is created being a delicate and a dynamic structure of the body. In school, I was taught that it was made of strains of muscles that has four compartments and whose function is to pump blood into the lungs and then back to the entire body when the blood is already fed with oxygen....

The heart shape symbolizes the feeling of love and affection although some argue that all of the feelings actually originate from the mind.

Although I am somewhat more of a 'science person' in regards of what I do for a living, I am very much inclined to accept that all sort of feelings is felt by the heart rather than being a state of mind....

For the past few months, I've been trying to deliberately prompt it to have a change to what it is fond to, to what it is drawn to but to no avail. Sometimes it is very confusing of how it is constantly reminded of someone who is so distant, someone whom I had very little pleasant moments together but nonetheless still very significant to the heart.. "What is wrong with you heart?" I asked sometimes

There are many things I wish I had an answer to but I guess this is the beauty of our story; the mysteries I failed to unfold. But I know the right thing to do is to avoid from making things become complicated. That is to keep my distance... To know my boundaries... To steadfastly hold to my values and beliefs. And in my attempt to do so, I found that this is not an easy path. This journey needs me to be strong because the heart sometimes don't listen to what you're asking it to do~

"When circumstances contradict to our wants,
And our values and beliefs are the only things that we can cling to,
The only way to endure and thrive is to jive with uncertainty,
And patiently wait for the unexpected to happen..."

Sometimes.. I do have the "If only I..." moments but I know those were only the whispers of man's greatest adversary. Admittedly, there are times I wished I'd been bolder or more approachable or sweeter or more flirtatious.. But... No... Not for this one... Not this time... Not anymore...

I'd made a promise years ago, that I will never associate myself into something that will compromise my love towards my Creator and His messenger...

"Do not even come close to zina.."

I've been in one relationship before and no, it doesn't bring me closer to Allah... It drifted me away further and further although gradually, I was not getting closer... I observed those who are in love around me who has yet to establish marriage... As they stare into each others' eyes pensively, fingers interlocking... I thought, "No, this is not what I want..."

And when I saw messages coming in.. Asking out for dinner.. Hanging out.. Or just checking me out.. No, this is not what I want either.. Because, although these men might not have bad intentions, but I think it is best to avoid. Adultery and fornication don't just happen in this society I'm living in. Things like one night stand is out of the norm. It happens when one falls for the lies of the greatest adversary who have been patiently persuading the heart..

"Reply his message.."
"He is a good man.. Going out with him is no harm.."
"He didn't touch your hands intentionally.."
"No one will know if you become intimate with him.. Nobody sees the two of you.."

That is why the message is such that we are not to come close to anything that could lead us to zina... And I'm still struggling...

I'm off to where I'd spent my time for the first time and the last with him tomorrow.. In hope that I can collect my heart where I left it off last October. I have to move on.... I have to let him go... And I have to give way to another who is capable of giving his heart in return... Who can't live seeing me with someone else except him... I guess you can live with that, he-who-doesn't-know...

I pray for the best for both of us...

********When I started writing this, I was actually missing him so much. To an extend I asked Allah "What is this, ya Allah? If he is not who You destined for me, please let this go away..."

And guess what, the next day, I found him in a place where I don't expect him to be. I don't see it as a sign or anything. I just think that is to heal what I felt the night before (^^) I'm happy to see him, anyway. Walaupon perasaan itu bercampur malu. Sometimes, you just look at the one you want, and when it is not meant for you, then you start thinking, Allah has better plans for both of us....******