Friday, September 24, 2010

"My dad's death" as told by a 5 year-old

Do you know what fascinates me most in this world?? It's the stages in human growth.. From being a helpless infant, we grow into an innocent toddler and then into a hyperactive child and so on.. And I always find a child's mind is totally amazing.. From knowing nothing, we then start to understand and at the age of 5 or so, I found most kids just can't stop talking, very straight forward and opiniated..

I wish I could remember what was in my mind during my childhood because I was a chatterbox back then. One occassion that my family often recall to me was when I had this minor surgery on my left sole. NO anaesthetic was given and it was painful! I screamed on top of my lungs

"KAMU DOCTOR MEMANG NDA BERPERI KEMANUSIAAN!!!" and I was only 7 years old!!!! I'd no idea where that word came from.. "berperi kemanusiaan" is kind of bombastic for a 7 year-old, don't you think??

Yesterday evening, Idham open up to me the accounts of his father's death in front of his very own eyes and this is how it was told...

"Kak jiji, masa abah Idham meninggal dia baru balik kerja... Idham lari2.. Idham cakap "Hye Abah!!".. Sekali, tiba2 abah jatuh.. Idham cakap sama ibu "Abah pengsan".. Ibu pon lari2.. Lepas tu, kawan abah bawa pigi hospital... Di hospital Abah kena bawa doktor.. Terus baju dia kena koyak..."

At this point tears were already pooling in my eyes. Then...

"Pastu, Idham nampak ada tandas... Pastu ada banyak orang duduk atas kerusi... Pastu Idham pon duduk atas kerusi..." And then he went silent..

"Lepas tu??"

"Abis suda cerita Idham.."


I can't help but laugh.. His story was kind of like "The Inception" in which the ending left you puzzled after all the suspense~ hahaha

You know, no matter how absurd the things children talked about, I always let them finish because they're so different from that of adult.. It's from hearing all the nonsense from Idham at the evening that makes me forget the entire tiring day at work (^^)v

*okay..last sentence bunyi macam orang suda ada anak~

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Puppy Love: Part II ~ Cherry Blossom Confetti

When I was fourteen

For days my heart was plagued by a roiling sensation- more of embarassment actually. A note and eight files in my locker was a significant prove that T have been rummaging my locker. The note reads

I thought you might need some files. Your papers are quite disorganized. I just happen to have some extras


Luckily I've neatened it the previous week and have been consistent in maintaining its tidiness. Books were arranged according to their heights in a perfect row and other stationaries were placed in a plastic box to one side. The word 'disorganized' doesn't befit the condition of my papers. They were actually 'horrible' to be exact. They were compiled in a single torn yellow file, with grim folds here and there and all subjects were mixed together. Plus if he had been scrutinizing the papers one by one, he would have seen all the silly mistakes I made in maths and what foolish ideas I have in my essays~

As I inspect one of the file, I suddenly saw T's initials at the back of it. Flummoxed, I hurriedly grabbed the rest of the files and checked whether there are any initials inscribed on them. And YES, his initials were on ALL of them. So this is like what? Marking his territory?? haha

When I was fourteen when I need to make a decision

I was no longer bleary of T's intention. He have made it clear that it was a relationship that he want from me. When I finished reading his long letter one afternoon, what could have been a bliss to a girl's heart was like a pang on my face. I was in no favour to have any relationship with any guy. Being slightly conservative, I actually perceive that a realtionship during school days is rather insinuating and was very sure that it would not end in marriage. With quite a number of couples being apprehended for khalwat by the wardens and punished, the idea of having a boyfriend was rather scary to me. I said to myself "What if I'm inclined to do the same thing when I have a boyfriend of my own~"

I confided to my best friends about everything: the long letter, my worries and what I've in mind as an answer to the matter. I was lucky to be surrounded by sensible friends. Even in that tender age, they'd provided me with the best advice. Unlike what would be expected from teenagers whereby they usually would be excited in love matters and would be encouraging their friends to actually have a boyfriend, my friends were otherwise. My friends were of course excited (who would not? T was a famous senior!). But they reminded me of study, reminded me of some other things that matter most and finally let me decide on my own. After a discussion, I sit back and start writing a simple reply to T...

"...People may termed us as 'a couple' but let us just be 'very good friends' and let us not be too carried away with this.. "

When I was fourteen as a girlfriend

I was never a romantic. I refused to call names like abang or sayang and was lucky enough that T was also in the same state of mind as I am. Those kind of names just gave me vertigo and makes me want to puke.

Being an alter ego of my mom, I couldn't keep the 'relationship' secret from her. I told her everything. She wanted to know who T was and made me promised to keep everything transparent to her for she don't want anything unpleasant to happen. At one point, T was even invited to our family badminton game and I was surely elated that he was bold enough to come.

When I was fourteen when it was time to meet him

Though I was never the lovey-dovey type, but I admit that there was this weird ecstatic feeling everytime we meet.. It was as if there were confetti made of cherry blossom floating around me. My body seem to be lighter as I pace towards our meeting place and it was as if the time froze. Thursday was the outing day and every week I'll receive my chocolate~ Our usual meeting place; in front of the dining hall.

One Thursday evening, he wanted to meet me. I was sitting on a chair and my thoughts have drifted away for some time when I saw his familiar figure loomed from afar. When he stood in front of me, I started to study his face. It is really amazing how the eye lens could turn into a magnifying glass when it comes to scrutinizing the face of the guy you fancy and all other senses seem to be sharpened too.

His hair was slightly ruffled by the sea breeze. There were tiny water beads on his brows, most probably the trace of his wudhu for he had came from the surau direction. His eyes were dark and it always seem to illuminate his enigmatic character. His skin was flawless, even smoother than mine. If it was not for his dark complexion, his masculinity might have been vanquished. Although his features was not up to perfect, there seem to be something in them that contribute to the uncanny quality to his demeanour.. Just enough to be an apple in my eye~

I guess I was obviously gazing at him pensively that he finally snapped a finger in front of my face. "Why??" He asked

Startled, I quickly blurt out..
"I was just thinking... Have I ever told you that I like Blackforest because you keep on giving me Roast Almond"

It was a stupid thing to say, I know. But I need to cover the fact that I was staring at him dreamily with my mind filled with praises for his handsomeness. But I know my effort was worthless for he raised his eyebrow and gave me a skeptical look accompanied by a mischievous smirk that signaled do you actually think I'm handsome??

When I was fourteen when he was jealous

It was a Saturday and the school was filled with parents and teachers for it was the prize giving day. Hari Anugerah Cemerlang we called it or in short HAC. As the crowd begin to subside, a junior came to me saying that the 'Dark Evil Commander' want to meet me next to the phone booth. I was puzzled at first and then I started to recall that I did receive some weird letters in the past few weeks initialed DEC. So that's what DEC stands for~ I thought

The letters were weird because it was always seems like we've been sending letters to each other for quite some time. I really had no idea since the letters always end up inside the bin after I finish reading it. Having a boyfriend, I really care less about other guys. I quickly pulled my friend's hand A to come along with me to meet the mysterious guy. I told DEC that I didn't write to him any letter (and I later found out that it was his classmates' doing) and that was just it.

I was still trying to contemplate the real situation with A when I suddenly heard a familiar voice from behind

"G, can I see you for a while?"

It was T. Pleased by his presence, I smiled and gestured to A not to wait for me. When A was already out of sight T started asking me...

"What was that all about?? I mean you and K (the real name of DEC)"
"You saw us??"
"Yeah~ Was watching the whole time. Too bad I couldn't hear a thing from up there"

His expression was calm but his voice was stern. The last sentence could've been an effort to conceal his annoyance. I giggled to the mismatch of his expression and the situation at hand.

"What??" He frowned
"T... Are you jealous??"

He stared straight at me. I sensed darkness in his glare. I immediately regret what I've just said and shrunk in fear. And then his gaze soften and slowly his lips was curled into a smile

"Why should I be?? I trust you~' then, he just took off. The matter was never brought up again after that but I always believe that T did deal with it in his own 'senior' way with the DEC.

The smile~ that he seldom wear in his face is the thing that always made me feel special because I know he exclusively wear it for me...

To be cotinued...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Oo0o world.. What's happening??

It's really disheartening to watch the news these days. It is seemingly congested with more and more crimes each day; grotesque murders, merciless baby dumping etc. Hurm.. What is happening to humanity???

I always thought the limitless knowledge and information would turn human into an even more intelligent being. Perhaps to the extent of materializing every impossible invention often illustrated in science fiction movies. Yes, I guess people are getting smarter and smarter each day but with the rampant felonies all over the world, this just seem to prove that intelligence is meaningless when it is not coupled with good deeds, virtues, righteousness, morality or what other names it is called...

I've my own worries.. My worries for the future generations.. My worries towards what the world would pose to the kids that I now hold so dearly in my arms..
I say, the virtues have not vanished. In fact, they're even inscribed within the text books of today making them easily found. But that's just it, they're merely words that are verbally recited but not something that is internalized and practiced.

Today, it's like being a bad person is cool... Comitting the greivous sin is even cooler and being in love is the ultimate happiness. That is a very pathetic perception; distorted and destructive I would say..

I often wonder, would the current civilization be perished like the nations in the ancient times in which their existence are only marked by rubbles covered by dust.. I learned in the subject history that these ancient nations were weakened when their morality starts to waver.

Something is obviously bothering me right now and it's related to this post.. It bothers me to the core that I'm almost speechless... I guess I'll end this with...

"Successful indeed are the believers. Who are humble in their prayers, And who shun vain conversation, And who are payers of the poor-due, And who guard their modesty -
Save from their wives or the (slaves) that their right hands possess, for then they are not blameworthy, But whoso craveth beyond that, such are transgressors - And who are shepherds of their pledge and their covenant, And who pay heed to their prayers. These are the heirs Who will inherit paradise. There they will abide." The Holy Quran (23:1-11)

The believers are the 'COOLEST' of all in the eyes of Allah and we should all work our way to it for it is only Him who has the rightful place to judge all of our dealings during our lifetime

We do mistakes; BIG and small.. When we realize our mistakes we don't say "I'm ready to accept whatever punishment that Allah would impose to me". Instead, we should repent because there are like countless reminders in the Quran that says His punishment will not be something that we could handle and He offers us forgiveness if we repent and that's a promise for He's the Most Merciful

Love Allah for He never leave our side

Love our family and our loyal companions for they actually impart to us unconditional and selfless love.

A lover's love (excluding husbands of course hehe) is nothing if compared to the above for he might be a jerk who would just leave a fetous in your belly (applicable to girls only :P)

*Ahaks, I guess I sound very pissed off at the very end there :P