Friday, April 30, 2010

Words and Music~ make a beautiful SONG~

I just read in one of my favourite authors' blog about how art can convey deep messages and build connection to human being.. How a masterpiece is designed to fill the abyss that plagued human's souls which in turn abate discontent and life without purpose...

He narrated it so beautifully that I can't help but agree... To me, art is a creative way of telling those around you how you feel and how things are from your perspective. May it be a painting, a sculpture, a melody or a poem, if the artist really put his or her heart into building it plus talent, they'll have the ability to make spirits soar, touch hearts and the least they would ignite forceful thoughts~

I always wish to have such creative talent to convey what I feel and perceive in my own unique way~ I'm so awed by people like Adam Young who came up with his Owl City music project from his insomniac nights.. Like Mitch Albom and Paulo Coelho whose writing are so mesmeric that it could spark something deep within.. Or like Jimmy Page or John Lennon who are known amongst the best musician of the last century whose masterpiece are like unfading treasures.. And o yeah~ Yusuf Islam a.k.a Cat Stevens.. His music and lyrics before and after he embrace Islam are all timeless~

Hurm... this is a song that I found a few weeks ago.. It was released last year and yeah I'm late~ haha but that's okay.. Now I want you to listen to it and grasp whatever the lyrics want to tell~


Monday, April 26, 2010

The guy who made me cry~

I'm currently writing this in the dark while the rest of my f
amily members are asleep here in the living room. It's only around 11 pm right now but I know, we've worked so hard throughout the day to prepare for the kenduri arwah which was after maghrib.. It was exhausting...

The only reason why I'm not asleep yet is not because I'm too energetic of a young lady or what.. But I forgot to bring my blanket and the chill in this wooden house is seriously piercing through my muscles and bones... This is much colder than when you turn your
air-con to the lowest degree..

The guy who made me cry...

I'm here in my kampu
ng for the kenduri arwah of my late grandfather, 'nenek'... I expected myself to cry due to the awkward absence of the guy whom I love so much especially since I was the only one who couldn't make it to his funeral in January. But today, I actually cried for a different reason...

This guy.. Fate has it that he was born in an impoverished family where the wages of both his parents were not enough to serve all their 11 children that finally he, the youngest of all, was left here in Sabah for the relatives to take care.
He was raised by different mothers.

This evening he said to me
"Kak, aku ada 5 orang mak.. Bila aku panggil 'mak' semua menjawab~" *"Sis, I've 5 moms.. When I called out "mom" all of them answered"

I laughed because that exactly happened in the kitchen when he called out "mak".
I said,

"Semua orang sayang kau kan, dik..."

Yeah~ Everybody love him very much.. When he was 9, he was entrusted to take care of nenek. They live all by themselves here in this kampung.. They mutually fulfill each other's needs. He helped out nenek with heavy chores like fetching water, carrying heavy things, washing clothes while nenek cook for him. He even had odd jobs in the market after school and during weekends. He receive tips from carrying fruits like watermellon, pineapples, honey dew and many more. O yeah~ Since he didn't have any bike, he walk to the market which is located around 1 km from the house.. Not that he didn't get money from the rest of the family members, it's just that he wanted to work and tried not to rely on others...

But when nenek fell really ill, they were seperated and like the rest of his cousins he only had the chance to meet nenek when there's occasi
ons like eidul fitr or eidul adha~ Nenek was then taken care by another aunt..

The occasion that made me cry...

Just now, in the living room, as usual the imam was reciting quranic verses.. When it came to a point where the verses were not familiar to the jemaah and the jemaah went silent, I heard another voice that was precisely reciting every word that came from the imam.. The voice was mellow and soft .. Definitely from a boy.. I turned to my aunt and asked whose voice was it.. She simply answered with a smile "Adik.."

I went to peek for confirmation and yes there he was.. Cross-legged, holding a book in his hands and reciting.. He recited the verses clearly and I found it was rather amusing to see a tiny guy with such confidence in the crowd of adult men.. I smiled with tears pooling in my eyes.. One is because I'm so grateful that he has grown into such a lovely boy and secondly I could sense the love in his face and his voice.. I don't know how to correctly describe what I sense in the vibration of his voice but it's as if he really hopes that every verses and every prayers is heard by Allah (well, He'll definitely hear) and you can feel it how he miss the old man very much~

After the recitation was done, he stood up to help out carry the food into the living room..The other kids in his age were only staring and waiting including my overly-pampered brother..

I told ummi how amazed I was by adik tonight and she told me "Masa nenek kau meninggal.. Nda berenti dia baca yassin.. Sedap lagi tu dia baca.. Betul lagi makhraj dengan tajwid nya~"

Owh~ adik... You've made me cry tonight... All those hardships that you went through have made you like a polished gem even in this very young age~ Hope you score your UPSR this year and continue to grow as a nice lovely soleh guy... Ameen~

hurm~ he reminds me of someone else to0~ =)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Marriage.. Things that I would like to ask 'the man'... hahaha

Ok~ Actually I don't know what's the most suitable title for this one.. But I want it to be as catchy as possible.. hehe

What brought me to this post..? Well, as a fresh graduate, it is well known that the hottest issue besides our future career is marriage which is another stepping stone to a whole new world.. As the graduation was approaching, may it be silently or explicitly, each of us were actually either considering, accepting, rejecting and making proposals...

So one night a best buddy came to me and confessed she'd jus
t accepted a marriage proposal.. Well being in this kind of situation before, my response to her was more compose haha I freaked out of course but subsequent to that, we did a heart to heart talk where we share opinions and I gave her some questions that arise in me when considering a man to become a husband.. So here goes!!!!

What do you expect from me as a wife??

A man's expectation is of pivotal importance! (ayat skema physical pharm) Why do I want to know this in advance?? Because then it'll be easier for me to tell him the things that might need some time for him to see in me.. I want him to understand that some things might need some practice to make us to be accustomed to it...

Would you respect my other responsibilities??

Em... this is somewhat a big issue.. I've heard husbands who doesn't allow their wives to go back to their family's home.. To be honest, this is something that I can't understand and most probably can't tolerate with.. To me a husband should understand that a woman also have the responsibility as a child to her parents and should be tolerant in that terms.. A husband should respect the folks who'd brought up the woman he love and in return should also give the best to her parents.. As a symbol of gratitude maybe~

I really love if the husband understand the commitment that the wife have to give on the career too.. In this era, I think that both have to work to maintain financial stability..

How do you see yourself as a husband??

this is one tricky question for the guy... Well, his answers for this question is not expected to be conclusive. This question is just to give the rough idea of how he sees himself as a husband.. Is he the stern and sturdy type??? Or sweet and sensitive?? Well, why do I need to know this.. This will help me to know what to e
xpect from him hehe

Who do you see yourself in ten years??

Ok~ This question seems simple but I consider this quite important too.. I really hold this saying

"If you fail to plan, you actually plan to fail"

So it's really important for me to know to where he is leading his life to. Because it is almost always positive when someone has a purpose or aim in his doings and dealings.. It's like if you have the purpose, then you'll have a guide that directs you there rather than just wonder around without knowing where you are getting at at the end.. Afterall, even man is given purpose by Allah in this world which is to become His vicegerent..

Will you consider my dreams and wants??

Women also have dreams that they want to achieve. There are some husbands who neglect the dreams of their wives and they doesn't realize that they are actually hindering their wives' fullest potentials.

There's this one story about a man who married a best student of one of the world's eminent university. He forbids her from having a job and wanted her to focus on the household. A friend asked him "Why did you do that, you have the best student as a wife!" He answered "Look at what I got now.. I got 10 very successful children"

Well, I respect that the guy is content with that achievement. Maybe that's his definition of full utilization of his wife's gifts. But in a different point of view, if he'd let his wife, lets say, become a teacher somewhere, she might have produced more than just 10 successful individuals who are very useful in the developmet of the ummah~

So0o0o0, I say I rather find someone who could support me in developing my potentials.. Well if your wife is contributing to the ummah due to your love, understanding and support, surely you'll also be rewarded for that since you are the great man who stands by her.. And I have this belief, that if you really cherish your spouse, then you'll work things out to achieve what matters to both of you.. Afterall, you have the rest of your life to do that heee

Hehe I guess that's enough for now.. These are the top questions that I think important..

Hurm recently someone wrote this on my fb wall

"When will gg be in a relationship again"

and I've been receiveing critics like "jual mahal sangat" "suke dewa2 je" haha not offended at all...

Well.. It's not that I'm "jual mahal sangat" but I think it's my right to choose whom I think right for me and whom I can live with for the rest of my life.. I'm not searching for someone who is too perfect or too ideal of a man.. Just someone who I am comfortable and compatible with.. Preferably someone who have the same interest as me so that we could do a lot of things that we enjoy together.. Someone whose flaws is something that I could cope with and handle.. And most importantly someone that have the magic to wash
my sorrows away and make me smile (^^)

Owh yeah.. religion is also important but I don't really expect he would be someone who knows everything.. It'll be just fine if he's the type who knows the basics and never stop learning to improve heeee~
X memilih sangat pon kan???? hehe

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Big Sister's Dilemma~ (-_-")

How do I start this..?? Hurm~ A few weeks ago I saw one of my "beloved relative" posted swears openly in facebook.. It startled me.. Somewhat frustrated by that action... but do you know what I did?? I did NOTHING!!!!

And then a few days after that there was a clamor of outrage about this video of mockery on Islam done by teenagers.. And then I learnt about this 13 year old rafiqin darwisy who did something that was so contraditory to the meaning of his name "pendamping warak"

I saw all the comments about the video and rafiqin darwisy and it is heartbreaking to see when parents are blamed.. Not that I'm against this.. I totally agree that the basic foundation of manners and attitude are to be instilled by parents.. It's just that, these teens already have the ability to decide on their own, just that their ability to recognize what is right and wrong for them is somewhat impaired due to whatever reason. I pity the parents because they might have already put all the effort in upbringing their children into being good individuals. It's just their children who choose that way..

From the two cases, I reflected on my role in helping the upbringing of the 'beloved relative' of mine. I always believe that every single person who appear in a child's life have a share in nurturing too, may it be a small role or big ones. Undeniably, I've neglected my role there. I could've just comment there on the status for my 'beloved relative' to mind the words posted on fb or at least write a casual "no good" there to make it sound more "friendly".. What was I thinking!!!!!???

It's really dilemmatic, you know. But to think of it, what ever quirks there is in you, you must play your role. You must utilize the teachable moment available to you.. Teachable moment often come spontaneously and we often didn't see that the split second was actually a conducive moment to instill good values... I hope I'll be more aware of the teachable moments in the future.. I won't favour the fact that I contribute to the foul attitude of any of my loved ones
just because I didn't play my role well enough~

My 'beloved relative', I know you'll read this and please understand this dilemma in me.. You'll grow up and be in my place someday too.. So if I disapprove of something you do, it's not because I've changed into someone uncool or my love lessened.. It's because I want the best for you.. Hugs and kissess~ xoxoxo

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My Happy Ending (^^)

Hurm.. I still can't believe it's already the end of my study in IIUM.. I'm also still tired from all the post exam activities and yesterday, I was sleeping the whole day and only woke up for prayers~ I guess I just paste some pics here.. There are to0 many FUN stuffs to tell that I'm all out of words.. Lets just let the pics do the job (^^)

AGD rx5 "Glamour and Ambitious Night"
9th April 2010 De Rhu Resort
Theme: Black + Masqurade

Me and my lovely roommates~

Rx5 da girlz during the choral speaking performance..

Anea~ Mida~ Fizah~ Ray~ Me

Rx5 da girls with young lecturers~

The whole class with the academic staffs

Post AGD activities
10th and 11th April 2010

During the war game briefing~

The winning team for the war game..
Strategic planning applied hehehe

Rx5 da girls ACTIVE!!!!!!!!!

I want to thank everbody who was involved in AGD and Post AGD.. Job well done! We had a very good time together..

Thanks a lot for this blissful ending...

Good luck in your career...

There are a lot more to be learned out there and

may all of us be guided by Him at all times (^^)v

Monday, April 5, 2010

Some insights about "Green zone"

I just revealed that I easily wake up at 3 am in my previous post~ And now I'm literally writing this post at 3.30 am... I slept around 11.30 pm just now, but something is bothering my mind.. So I guess writing is the best way to dissipate the unruly thoughts away~

Like always.. Right now my window is wide opened.. The air is still.. Did a quick peek to find where's the moon..

"Where's the moon?? Where's the moon??
Aaah... there it is~"
It's right on top of me w
ith moving thin clouds covering it.. A brilliant creation indeed~

I guess I'll talk about "Greenzone", a movie that I watched yesterday starring Matt Damon.. Well, the setting of the movie was back during the Iraq war when
the US sent their troops to unravel the Weapon for Massive Destruction (WMD) and in this movie Matt Damon (Miller) is one of the team leader. He was suspicious about his futile findings and questioned his chiefs about the reliabilty of the information source. It turned out that everytime he raise question, they became irritated.. So he began his own investigation to find out the truth.. I remember 1 dialogue where Matt Damon said...

"What are we doing here chief?? I'm here to safe lives.. Safe the country" Matt Damon was a soldier who really wanted to help.. He was rather naive~

Matt Damon seriously did a marvellous come back.. But my favouite cast would be Freddy, an Iraqi civillain who wanted to contribute to his country.. He bravely went to Matt Damon's team to give information regarding this secret meeting of Saddam's subordinates and one time when Matt Damon offered Freddy a reward if he agrees to become Matt Damon's translator, he said...

"Do you think I'm doing this for a reward?? Don't you think I'm doing this for myself?? For my family?? For my country??"

Well, this part was where I burst into tears haha (fyi, I cried in almost all movie including "How to Train Your Dragon"~) But seriously.. It was really touching~ The movie meticulously illustrate the condition at that time.. Even the scene where the Iraqi went looting were shown.. But I know that the condition there were even worst in reality but what the director did for this movie was enough to make me say

"Ya Allah~ I don't want to be in that condition~"

There were lots of dialogues that express what was playing inside every concern mind in this world during the US invasion in Iraq. I won't write everything here because it'll be not exciting later to yous who haven't wathced the movie...

Anyway, this is a very good movie. There's very little bias in the movie and it is one of those that evoke the long forgotten spirit to fight against
insolent leadership to pursue justice. It also portray patriotism and unity in some way... No religious element were inserted. I guess that was too sensitive, isn't it?

5 stars for "Greenzone"... As always, after watching this type of movie, I walked out feeling a little dizzy. Though there were not so many splattered blood on the screen, I just couldn't handle the tension from all the horrific scenes where civillains were captured and shot without mercy

Thursday, April 1, 2010

About to leave...

I'm currently sitting on my "deformed" bed.. Thanks to my not-so-brilliant action that it is now in its condition.

My eyes are alternately looking out through my window and the computer screen searching for inspiration of what to write.. This post has been h
overing in my mind box for a few days now but I had to refrain myself from writing to focus on exam... I would like this post to really come from the bottom of my heart...

About to leave...

My room is overlooking a hill that is covered with lushest greenery.. It's a scene that I everyday watch especially during lunch.. With earphones snugged in both ears, I found tranquility from watching the scenery outside my window.. This inner peace allow me to think clearer..

It's the same setting that I watch everytime at dawn (around 3-4 am) only that the surrounding is dark.. I easily wake up at those time, I don't know why.. Some say it's because I was born around that time.. But whenever I woke up I tend to open my window...
What I saw outside is like magic...

Everything is so still and there is always the melodic sounds of nocturnal animals.. Sometimes when the surrounding is lit by the full moon (like a few days ago) the surrounding just seem to sparkle...
Rumi was right when he said "The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you~"

This is what I'm about to leave in a few days...
4 years seem to be so long, but now when the end is almost approaching, everything just seem like yesterday...
There may be memories that I would love to erase but I can say that the 4 years were really the time where I learn a lot about life... Life was like a telenovela with each of us as the main actor and actress of our own drama..

There were joys and laughters...

There were sadness and resentment..
There were kindness and care...
There were feud and betrayal...
There were teamwork...
There were forgiveness and reconciliation...

We did not only sweat to colour the result slip with satisfying numbers but we also struggle to defend friendship, to uphold dignity and to make every day brighter than before.

I'm grateful to those who had had the courage to give me constructive critics.. Especially the ones about my awful time management, my fragile conscience w
hen it comes about my tragic love story.. Thanks for guiding me to become wiser, for giving me strength to choose the right thing in life and for helping me "unlove" or is it "delove" someone that I thought I would marry one day..

Hurm.. 4 years is just too long for the people here to see all my flaws.. I think they seen it all.. So here I would like to thank everybody for accepting me for who I am.. For forgiving for all that I did wrong.. For earnestly being there for me when I was most in need.. There might be some "sorries" that were unsaid, so for the wrong doings of mine that were intentionally done or not, I am truly very sorry... I wish to leave pleasant foot steps in your life
and not 'muddy' ones

O yeah~ I'm also well aware that there are too many kindness from these people here that I might not be able to give anything in return.. I just want to let you know that I appreciate every single thing done for me.. For any act of kindness that any of you have impart, I wish that some day the same is given to you and the best is there'll be reward from our Creator
, InshaAllah~

To leave is a mix of joy and fear.. Joyful that I finally finish my quest for knowledge.. Fearful for not being able to foresee how is life going to be later.. All the time spent here was a net of gains and loss.. Some loss were good, some loss were resentful but I'm in hope that the gains will be enough to prepare me to face the challenges of the real world.. But I'm all aware one of life's rule which is "to learn, unlearn
and relearn"there are more things to learn out there...

To think about it, the Haziah that walked in 4 years ago
is not going to walk out as the same person..